I'm seemingly out...

I decided that it was less detrimental to see a BFN on a pee stick than to wake up Saturday morning to AF so I POAS this morning. Yup, BFN .....again. Granted I know some ladies do this for years and we've only been at the medicated cycles for 4 months but I'm exhausted. If it weren't for the fact that my pituitary was the cause of our issues, I'd say lets take a break and see what happens. However, that is just a waste of time with my case.

At any rate, I had some AF -like cramps and headache last night but woke up this morning with nothing. I was especially excited to POAS with the symptoms gone because I was sure I was going to get a BFP. Alas, my instincts were wrong. Although, minus the headache that has been on and off the last week, I still really don't have any AF like symptoms. Unfortunately, I didn't document anything from last month which is why I'm trying to be more detailed with my blogging. I'm trying to remember if I had any cramps last month before AF magically showed up or not.....I think I had cramps, and I was convinced they were BFP cramps but obviously not. I'm fully expecting to wake up tomorrow morning and see AF's not so lovely face.

Tonight...Jim and I are going to dinner at La Mex and I'm going to get a mucho grande margarita. That should help me wallow in my sorrow enough for tonight until the morning. We're undecided about our next step. My RE recommends IVF as our next option since the IUI hasn't worked twice. However, Jim is interested in switching us to an HMO, which would mean all new doctors including my RE, since none of my current doctors are covered under a BCBS HMO. Not necessarily a bad thing but just a really annoying thing to have to do right now. If we stayed with Cigna's PPO, the IVF process takes 4-6 weeks to start up. You have to attend medical classes where they teach you about the types of medications, plus they teach your hubby how to give you shots in the ass...fun. After that, they require both partners to have a 45min. session with their IVF therapist so that you both are aware of the psychological ramifications of a process like this. At this rate, if we stay with the PPO, we're looking at probably not even starting the stims until sometime in August. I wonder if all IVF clinics work the same? The only good thing is that I've already had the extensive bloodwork panel done for genetic testing, phew!!! At any rate, if we stay with the PPO and start waiting for the IVF process, we'd have at least time for one more IUI next month. But if we switch to the HMO next month, I'm not sure what will happen to our timeline.

I guess, in short, I'm hoping that today's BFN was a false negative. Unlikely, but a girl can dream!