Last week/weekend

Sorry I'm slacking a little bit!  So last Thursday , since Jim was on vacation, I took a day off work and he and I went downtown to the Shedd Aquarium and then went to a Cubs game!!! I really enjoy spending time with him since our schedules clash so much. We had a great date day :) 


Then last weekend, one of my 75strong friends came to town and stayed with us while she photographed a few of us Chicago/Illinois ladies for a project she's working on. The project is called The Art of IF: Navigating the Journey of Infertility and it shows all the different faces and places that IF comes from and the stories behind the face. She's had her exhibit on display in Michigan already and has new exhibits coming up in different cities/states. We were so happy she could come to our area and photograph us!!! We're famous now!!  :)  I'm super excited to see the photos she took of me (and Jack) on Friday. At the end of this blog post at least you can see some pics we tried taking with Chesney before she left. We obviously had some issues mostly with Chesney not cooperating, LOL

When her weekend of photo shoots was over, Jim and I met up with her at our other friend's house (my IRL bump and 75strong friend) to watch the Cubs game and have more pizza. Mmmm, I love pizza :)  We got to meet her twins for the first time and snapped a picture of all of us (sans husbands) before the day ended.

Fun weekend!!!

God made dirt and dirt dont hurt

I am hooked on the new FGL song "Dirt"!!  When I first heard it I wasn't much of a fan but now I can't get enough. Its on replay on my iTunes for sure now. This video is a tear jerker...fair warning.

Sox Game for Preeclampsia Org. Fundraiser

Today we (meaning me, Jim, my IL's , gram IL, BIL, SIL, and friend of the family)  went to the Sox game and some of the proceeds went to the Preeclampsia Organization. It...was....hot..... phew! I didn't think I was going to last all 9 innings especially since the game was so slow moving, but we did it! They lost, but it was still a fun game!!!  I got a hot dog and some dippin' dots , nom nom nom!!!

Here are some pics from our day at the park!!  (also on the family website)

Ok, ok fine.... transfer was today

I'm mainly blogging this because I wanted to share our funny pictures, LOL

Today was my FET and it went really well...this whole cycle has been strangely smooth which gives me a good hope this will work but I'm still guarded because there are no guarantees of course.

Grumpy went with us again but this time he got to come in instead of staying in the car. We did get some funny looks but when I told them the back story about Grumpy then they realized he was ok to stay.  :)

Here we are getting ready to leave...and Grumpy is all buckled in too.

 

 

And here we are about to go in for transfer.... we are quite the pair, LOL

 

 

And without further ado, I now introduce you to Doc and Sleepy... two perfectly expanded blasts with 100% survival :)

 





I Dream of.... Rainbows?

Last night I dreamt I walked outside during a rainstorm and saw two rainbows. One was a normal arch rainbow and the other intersected but was up and down almost like a little bridge from heaven down to earth. I'm seriously hoping that was a sign that this is going to work....


From Bodyandsoul.com  , to dream of a rainbow means:

Rainbows are created when sunlight reflects off raindrops. They reveal themselves when the sun comes out after a rain shower. Rainbows are not common and their brief and evocative appearance can be quite magical.

For this reason rainbows are associated with hope, magic and good fortune. The legend of the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow is a delightful metaphor for hope, luck and perseverance. A dream about a rainbow may reflect the dreamer’s feeling that their financial struggles are coming to an end, or it may simply reflect the presence of something magical in the dreamer’s life.

In essence a rainbow reminds us of the impermanence of the storms and struggles in life and offers a visual representation of hope and renewal. The presence of a rainbow in a dream is a reminder to the dreamer of good things to come – perhaps it is time for the tears to stop and for new beginnings in the dreamer’s life.

I also found this on  another website:

When double rainbows appear it means that whatever is coming to you has great meaning in your life and that one good thing will lead to another good thing. I really rejoice in your happiness and good fortune. The rainbows are a sign from the cosmic universe that you are about to have something great fall into your lap!
- Lillian Too of Feng Shui Malaysia


This is sort of what I saw intertwined:

The Lonely Island

I need funny things to keep my spirits up. One thing for sure that makes me laugh are the videos of The Lonely Planet...most especially the ones with Justin Timberlake , but there are funny ones without him too.

Would you like to join in my laugh til you cry fest? Here are some snacks for you!

YOLO ft. Adam Levine (yum!)

Motherlover ft. JT                                              

I Just Had Sex  ft. Akon

3Way ft. JT and Lady Gaga

Slipped Away

Stumbled across this song tonight...

 

 

XOXO Jack Jack...

 

edited...picked the wrong video

The Lovenox is working

Obviously LOL ... Sorry for the flabby flab picture!!! I lost track of my diet when Lupron started heehee :)

Do You Drink?

The nurse at my RE's office was going through the standard health questions with me today and I had to laugh because she got to the  "Do you drink?" question and without hesitation I responded, "Lately? Yes, a lot". She chuckled but I was straightfaced and the look on her face was pretty funny. What? Wrong answer? LOL

Here are some funny memes in honor of my new hobby!!

 

Broken

I'm feeling Broken myself... I heard this today and made a mental note to use it as a blog post.

Last weekend I decided to clean out and reorganize my stock piles in the basement. For some reason I thought it was a good idea to open the Rubbermaid containers of Jacks clothes. Honestly, for a second...just a brief second.... I considered putting them on Chesney.

I'm losing it.

I want those clothes on someone. I'm so glad I kept them.... I am thinking I may take them out of the basement. I feel like I need to see them as a positive reminder that there is life after loss and someone will wear those clothes. Damnit even if its a girl....she will be "Daddy's #1 Draft Pick" that's for sure.

July 6th last year...

 

 

July 6th, 2013... here is the video I made for my parents. They had just moved to TN and missed our housewarming party. This day would become more important than I'd ever have realized and sitting here on July 6th, 2014 , it makes me just sad sad sad.

 

First ... It was 5dp5dt from my first fresh IVF with Dr. Oz. I was so sure it was going to work despite the OHSS that came from it. Well...with an e2 of nearly 6,000 and 45 eggs retrieved I should have just requested the FET and had 9 frosties to work with instead of 7 , but c'est la vie. This day last year , during our big housewarming party, I started bleeding and realized the cycle had failed.

 

Second... it was the last time I'd ever see my friend Jen again. I hadn't seen her in awhile to begin with and I finally convinced her to bring her son and come to the party. I'm so glad I made a big deal about it otherwise , when she passed away a month later, I would have been even more devastated. I already have a weight of guilt on my shoulder for not getting to the hospital in time to see her before she died I'm just thankful I dont have the party on there too. We had a nice day and I really enjoyed spending that time with her. I cant believe she's been gone almost a year.

 

 

Its tough enough going facing the anniversary of my best friend since kindergarten's death but when that comes and goes as it will quickly as every other days and weeks do, then I'm facing quickly the Jack memories as I had gotten pregnant just weeks after she was gone.

TTCAL is like the Hunger Games

 

LOL.... seems that way sometimes. Think about it.... a bunch of helpless strangers are dumped into an arena to fight for their lives while everyone else not involved in the display watched as a sport. I sometimes also feel like I've been dumped into an arena to fight as well...hopefully not for my own life again but at this point I'm fighting for the life of future children....while everyone around me just claps and hoots and hollers as things progress.

 

"May the odds be ever in your favor" says Effie at the start of the games..... well thanks, thanks a lot. She says that with irony because they all but one will die. Oh Effie....

 

One might say the odds are pretty safe and sound in my favor this time around for us to be the sole survivors this time. The odds of what happened to Jack and I reoccurring are almost greater than slim to none so I'm told. However, the odds of it happening in the first place were slim to none as well but it still happened. I'm not banking on odds , matter of fact I'm not banking on anything. If we bring a baby home that's fantastic I'll be so thrilled and that child will be utterly spoiled. Poor Jack... he was 100% appreciated but he also came with naivety that nothing bad can happen after going through what we did to get him. I didn't appreciate the fact that nothing in life is a for sure. Now I know, now I understand.

 

 

However, I've kicked IF's ass once before and came out the victor. This time its like Catching Fire... I'm being thrown back into the area even though I've proved I can fight my way out. IF and PAIF? Well they're back and brought some new friends TTCAL and PGAL in the arena too. They think they can get the best of me but they're about to get an arrow shot right at their heads. I am the Katniss of this shitshow so they better look out.

 

 

 



Ode to Lupron

You make me hot you make me weep
You give me demented dreams in my sleep
You make me angry and my head ache
You make me think its all I can take
You give me welts and hot flashes galore
You make me count the days until you're no more
You make me scream and curse like a jerk
You better be sure that you better damn work
You make me wish for my happy place
Although you do make sure I have a clear face
Lupron , oh Lupron whatever will we do
I'll be so glad to finally get rid of you!!

Freudian slip?

Last night I called my future rainbow Jack. Honestly I don't even remember what Jim and I were talking about but we were talking about the upcoming FET and I referred to the possible next baby as Jack just not even thinking about it. I've never done that before...maybe it was the two tall sized Leinies I drank at BDubs that made me do that.

I felt so awful at first thinking "Oh no, its a Freudian slip and I'm already wishing this next baby were Jack....and I'm going to treat this one different because he/she isn't Jack...." but now that I think about it , its kinda funny.

I'm already a parent and parents call their kids the wrong names all the time don't they? I don't know for sure since I'm an only child but I do know that my grandpa used to call me Carrie all the time (Carrie is my aunt/his daughter)  and I remember him calling her Katie at times too. Oh and my IL's call me Jill who is one of my SILs....and sometimes she gets called Kate. I don't even say anythign to correct it anymore, I just respond like its my name too LOL.

Maybe its not a Freudian slip that I'm wishing next baby was my Jack afterall....but rather a parent who is just too stressed to keep her kids straight. Haha.

Well.... its about that time I guess

I've mentioned my feelings of apprehension and they're getting stronger with each and every day. I'm so worried that this FET wont work but I'm equally worried about what will happen if it does. I think the best thing I can do for myself and my sanity is to just deal with this between Jim and I.

I've had this song in my head and the title says it all.... "No One Needs to Know" (right now). Just like last year when I went on a hiatus about blogging my cycle I think I need to do the same thing this year. No one needs to know. Matter of fact, I was concerned about my trip to visit my parents in August and Jim going on vacation to Canada with his dad and brother. Who would give me my PIO? We would have to tell both sets of parents that it worked so that someone would be able to give me my shot. Well... we've agreed we're going to just purchase the Crinone and so I'll be going on the full dose of Crinone only when that vacation time comes. No one needs to know.

Have to get there first though, who knows I could be stressing about hiding a pregnancy that doesn't even happen this time anyways.

Don't worry I'll still be around but cycle related whatnot isn't going to be on the agenda for awhile.

Estrace to the rescue!!!

Now that I have a few days of Estrace in my system and my Lupron dose is cut in half, I feel sooooo much better. ::PHEW::: that was a close call. I'm still really snarktastic and randomly punch things but all in all I cant complain ...as much, LOL

This is a representation of how I feel today...