Moms seem to have a secret language among themselves and communicate with just a look. Maybe you know the look I'm talking about? The one that is a smile and the tilt of the head? Almost to say, "Oh you're such a lucky mom." or... "How precious...I sure miss when my child was that age", or..."Don't worry, you're doing a great job".
Thomas and I have been getting a lot of these "looks" recently...or maybe I'm just starting to notice them? Unfortunately, my first experience trying to communicate back was awkward and uncomfortable because there isn't a look that says, "Thank you, but I wish you were looking at me and BOTH of my sons like that." Since Rosetta Stone for "Motherly Communication After Loss" doesn't exist, I haven't been really quite sure how to respond.
I've been trying my best to stay focused on the little boy that is here with me now who needs a totally centered Mommy and have been making my best attempt to learn this form of communication. From what I'm told, the best way to learn a new language is to immerse yourself in the culture and eventually you will have no choice but to speak it.
Sunday, August 23, 2015
Wednesday, August 12, 2015
Our Journey Through Kelly Clarkson Song Titles
Miss Independent falls in love , gets married, and eventually they want to have a baby. She knew there would be trouble but neither had any idea they were headed for the Beautiful Disaster ahead of them.
At this time in their lives, all their friends and family were either pregnant or had babies, and everyone would always say, "Our child brought us so much joy....when will you be experiencing A Moment Like This for yourselves?". This brought a lot of stress onto their happy marriage quite often. Many times, she would say to him "I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to Walk Away." To which he would always reply, "Dear... My Life Would Suck Without You".
The couple continued for many years until one day they finally heard that Heartbeat Song but halfway through the pregnancy they learned he wasn't going to come home with them. "Why Don't You Wanna Stay with us little boy?" she cried over and over in the hospital bed, but within a week he was Already Gone. After all their struggle only to have it slip away. "Why did this happen to People Like Us", she wondered quite frequently. She would give anything to feel Invincible again like she did when she was younger. It was a very difficult time and they were living on the Dark Side for quite awhile in mourning.
Some months later, they decided they were ready to try again. They went to the RE and said, "There is so much pain Behind These Hazel Eyes, but we have so much love to give. The Trouble With Love Is, it makes you do things that other people think are crazy." And so, they decided to try to have another baby.
Their FET was a success yet the hardest part, surviving another pregnancy, was very difficult. At night she would talk to her little boy and say, "Because of You, I'm Thankful for life and Since You've Been Gone, I also know how fragile it is. Please keep your baby brother safe for me"
It was Some Kind of Miracle, but their second little baby boy arrived and was healthy and happy and safe. The instant they saw him they both said, "How amazing is it...he's here. Hold on....I need to Catch My Breath"
The two pregnancies were so heartbreaking, frustrating, long and complicated but it changed them in such a way that no other journey could have done. They say What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger and that is definitely the truth.
Here is Me, Jim and my BFF Kelly at one of her shows, Jim wore nail polish LOL
At this time in their lives, all their friends and family were either pregnant or had babies, and everyone would always say, "Our child brought us so much joy....when will you be experiencing A Moment Like This for yourselves?". This brought a lot of stress onto their happy marriage quite often. Many times, she would say to him "I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to Walk Away." To which he would always reply, "Dear... My Life Would Suck Without You".
The couple continued for many years until one day they finally heard that Heartbeat Song but halfway through the pregnancy they learned he wasn't going to come home with them. "Why Don't You Wanna Stay with us little boy?" she cried over and over in the hospital bed, but within a week he was Already Gone. After all their struggle only to have it slip away. "Why did this happen to People Like Us", she wondered quite frequently. She would give anything to feel Invincible again like she did when she was younger. It was a very difficult time and they were living on the Dark Side for quite awhile in mourning.
Some months later, they decided they were ready to try again. They went to the RE and said, "There is so much pain Behind These Hazel Eyes, but we have so much love to give. The Trouble With Love Is, it makes you do things that other people think are crazy." And so, they decided to try to have another baby.
Their FET was a success yet the hardest part, surviving another pregnancy, was very difficult. At night she would talk to her little boy and say, "Because of You, I'm Thankful for life and Since You've Been Gone, I also know how fragile it is. Please keep your baby brother safe for me"
It was Some Kind of Miracle, but their second little baby boy arrived and was healthy and happy and safe. The instant they saw him they both said, "How amazing is it...he's here. Hold on....I need to Catch My Breath"
The two pregnancies were so heartbreaking, frustrating, long and complicated but it changed them in such a way that no other journey could have done. They say What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger and that is definitely the truth.
Here is Me, Jim and my BFF Kelly at one of her shows, Jim wore nail polish LOL
Saturday, July 18, 2015
FET Anniversary Date!
In honor of the 1 year anniversary of the FET that brought us our Thomas, I've decided to keep it light and compiled the Top 5 list that make perfect sense to IVF/FET moms but not to others:
5) I did a lot of drugs to get pregnant
4) We keep "child"'s sibling locked in a freezer
3) There were 10 people in the room when "child" was conceived
2) My husband/partner could have left for a cup of coffee when "child" was conceived
And for Number 1 ::drum roll please::::
1) Another man impregnated me....and my husband/partner is ok with that
Saturday, July 11, 2015
The Rainbow Connection
Being raised in a Catholic home and having gone to Catholic schools from Kindergarten through senior year in High School, one would think that I have an excellent relationship with God.
Wrong.
My faith and beliefs were never something that I honestly put a lot of thought into until Jim and I decided to start a family. Granted, I was one of the "fortunate" ones who knew ahead of time of her infertility issues and was able to go straight to the Reproductive Endocrinologist instead of spending a year trying, but I honestly never thought that the past few years would have been my future at that first doctors appointment.
I distinctly remember going to the cafe at the major medical hospital and getting the biggest strongest cup of coffee I could buy with the change in my purse. I walked confidently into the doctor's office and when I was called back I proudly told her that I was drinking the last cup of coffee that I would drink for 9 months. Little did I know.... plus, yeah, coffee is ok to drink when pregnant. Everything in moderation.
Regardless, the years that followed made me question my religious upbringing more and more. If there is a God (or anyone out there) then why am I being put through this test? Why do others who want less get more? Work less and get more? I spend my days and nights wishing and hoping and praying yet my prayers aren't answered. I fought and fought and fought until finally my prayers were answered and there was my Jack.
Finally everything was right in the world. Jim and I went to Church on Sundays and we even asked the priest to bless us and our baby to keep us all safe. I wore the St. Gerard, Saint of Motherhood, medal every single day from the first day of my cycle until the day Jack was born. I prayed the prayer for Motherhood and thanked God at the end of every day for my Jack.
After all that, someone still took him him away from me. Why? For someone who already struggled with the "Whys" of their religion and beliefs, having their first baby die sure doesn't help. For the past 18 months I've been wracking my brain trying to come up with reasons why he couldn't stay. Then one day a few months ago, I read a blog post written by another loss mom called "Because of You" and finally I had a reason.
"He might have asked you, in the realm of pure souls, where the unborn and the dead are pure warmth and love, to prepare him a mom and dad. He might have asked that you teach us to stretch the limits of our patience, that we learn to be more in the moment, to surrender to what is. He might have asked that you teach us, in a way that we would never forget, that life, when it is gentle, when it is ferocious and unfair, is always a gift. How a baby, a tiny new life, is a miracle and a gift for eternity. He might have asked you to make sure we remembered we are blessed, even as we role our eyes when he cries, confused and frazzled, in the middle of the night." ~~ http://stillstandingmag.com/2015/05/because-of-you-2/
To think that Thomas and Jack sat up in heaven together and discussed making us the best parents we could be just warms my heart in no way that I can possibly explain. I know and am 100% certain that the person I was say 5 years ago could never come close to appreciating and loving Thomas the way I do now. If Jack needed to come to us to show us how fragile and important life is, than I thank him for being such an amazing son and great big brother to Thomas in paving the way for his little brother. Perhaps you might say that Thomas has healed any negative feelings I had about God and my religion. To think that my son is anywhere but a beautiful amazing place like Heaven is something that just can't be true. There has to be something and someone out there and if Jack came to me to make me a better mother to Thomas than I can forgive him for being taken away from me.
Sometimes when its quiet, Thomas and I sit in his nursery and just talk about Jack. Thomas has started smiling and laughing a lot over the last month or so. However, he smiles and laughs the most when we are in his nursery. I'd like to think that Jack hangs out in there to keep an eye out over his little brother and Thomas is laughing at his silly brother.
They truly have a "Rainbow Connection".
Wrong.
My faith and beliefs were never something that I honestly put a lot of thought into until Jim and I decided to start a family. Granted, I was one of the "fortunate" ones who knew ahead of time of her infertility issues and was able to go straight to the Reproductive Endocrinologist instead of spending a year trying, but I honestly never thought that the past few years would have been my future at that first doctors appointment.
I distinctly remember going to the cafe at the major medical hospital and getting the biggest strongest cup of coffee I could buy with the change in my purse. I walked confidently into the doctor's office and when I was called back I proudly told her that I was drinking the last cup of coffee that I would drink for 9 months. Little did I know.... plus, yeah, coffee is ok to drink when pregnant. Everything in moderation.
Regardless, the years that followed made me question my religious upbringing more and more. If there is a God (or anyone out there) then why am I being put through this test? Why do others who want less get more? Work less and get more? I spend my days and nights wishing and hoping and praying yet my prayers aren't answered. I fought and fought and fought until finally my prayers were answered and there was my Jack.
Finally everything was right in the world. Jim and I went to Church on Sundays and we even asked the priest to bless us and our baby to keep us all safe. I wore the St. Gerard, Saint of Motherhood, medal every single day from the first day of my cycle until the day Jack was born. I prayed the prayer for Motherhood and thanked God at the end of every day for my Jack.
After all that, someone still took him him away from me. Why? For someone who already struggled with the "Whys" of their religion and beliefs, having their first baby die sure doesn't help. For the past 18 months I've been wracking my brain trying to come up with reasons why he couldn't stay. Then one day a few months ago, I read a blog post written by another loss mom called "Because of You" and finally I had a reason.
"He might have asked you, in the realm of pure souls, where the unborn and the dead are pure warmth and love, to prepare him a mom and dad. He might have asked that you teach us to stretch the limits of our patience, that we learn to be more in the moment, to surrender to what is. He might have asked that you teach us, in a way that we would never forget, that life, when it is gentle, when it is ferocious and unfair, is always a gift. How a baby, a tiny new life, is a miracle and a gift for eternity. He might have asked you to make sure we remembered we are blessed, even as we role our eyes when he cries, confused and frazzled, in the middle of the night." ~~ http://stillstandingmag.com/2015/05/because-of-you-2/
To think that Thomas and Jack sat up in heaven together and discussed making us the best parents we could be just warms my heart in no way that I can possibly explain. I know and am 100% certain that the person I was say 5 years ago could never come close to appreciating and loving Thomas the way I do now. If Jack needed to come to us to show us how fragile and important life is, than I thank him for being such an amazing son and great big brother to Thomas in paving the way for his little brother. Perhaps you might say that Thomas has healed any negative feelings I had about God and my religion. To think that my son is anywhere but a beautiful amazing place like Heaven is something that just can't be true. There has to be something and someone out there and if Jack came to me to make me a better mother to Thomas than I can forgive him for being taken away from me.
Sometimes when its quiet, Thomas and I sit in his nursery and just talk about Jack. Thomas has started smiling and laughing a lot over the last month or so. However, he smiles and laughs the most when we are in his nursery. I'd like to think that Jack hangs out in there to keep an eye out over his little brother and Thomas is laughing at his silly brother.
They truly have a "Rainbow Connection".
Tuesday, June 23, 2015
Father's Day
As I stood in the aisle at CVS trying to pick out a card for Jim, it took all I had not to break down in tears over each and every "Daddy" card. It's bad enough that I'm a hormonal disaster and cry over greeting cards in general (if you hear sobbing at CVS it's probably me picking out a birthday card), but this was different. I was picking out a card for Jim from Thomas and Jack. Clearly Thomas can't pick out his own cards as he is only 3 months old, but someday in the not so distant future he will be big enough and smart enough to read each card himself and decide which one he likes best for his Daddy.
I will always have to pick out Jack's card.
Today, June 23rd, also marks the half birthday for our little Jack. It's been a full 18 months since he's been gone and I just cannot fathom coming up on a 2nd birthday for him. They say your children grow so quick, and they do, but I think they "grow" quicker when they're not here for you to see time passing by in them. Without outgrowing clothes, increasing bottle feedings, sleeping longer at night.... time just . slips. away. and it makes me oh so sad.
In other news, we sent in our yearly payment for our embryo storage again. There are two embryos left just hanging out in an incubator waiting for us. After losing Jack and then my pregnancy with Thomas and scary delivery, I really thought I'd never want to go through that again. However, my Jack and Thomas were both in that incubator at one point or another and when I think how my life has changed so much because of them.... I think it is worth another shot someday.
I wonder who is in there ?
I will always have to pick out Jack's card.
Today, June 23rd, also marks the half birthday for our little Jack. It's been a full 18 months since he's been gone and I just cannot fathom coming up on a 2nd birthday for him. They say your children grow so quick, and they do, but I think they "grow" quicker when they're not here for you to see time passing by in them. Without outgrowing clothes, increasing bottle feedings, sleeping longer at night.... time just . slips. away. and it makes me oh so sad.
In other news, we sent in our yearly payment for our embryo storage again. There are two embryos left just hanging out in an incubator waiting for us. After losing Jack and then my pregnancy with Thomas and scary delivery, I really thought I'd never want to go through that again. However, my Jack and Thomas were both in that incubator at one point or another and when I think how my life has changed so much because of them.... I think it is worth another shot someday.
I wonder who is in there ?
Sunday, May 31, 2015
2 Months!!
My little Thomas is TWO MONTHS OLD today!!! Mind blown :::explosion sound:::
Mother's Day, I already blogged about in a separate post so I won't delve any further into that weekend. The Saturday of that weekend though I stood up in a wedding for my friend from high school. It was our first official night away from Thomas and with his lack of sleeping you can imagine that we were home pretty early! It was fun to get dressed up and have my hair and makeup done though since I've been feeling frumpy so it was sure a nice pick me up! On the plus side, my bridesmaid dress had to be altered and re-altered because it was too big. Heehee :) Here are some cute pictures of us from the wedding!!
That same week of my 6 week pp checkup, I got to cash in on my "push present". Typically a push present is a nice piece of jewelry but mine was a day at the spa!! For me, that is so much better than jewelry as I'm not a jewelry wearing person. Now the spa? That is definitely something that I can enjoy and it was MUCH needed by that point!! I started with a papaya scrub wrap, they had me take a hot shower afterwards. Let me tell you....being able to take a hot shower without having a baby screaming for me to pick him up was the best part. I got to stay in there for as long as I wanted, ahhhh wonderful. Then , I had an hour full body massage. Lunch from Panera. A facial and ending with a manicure. I left there completely relaxed and refreshed!!!
The following weekend was the annual Promise Walk for Preeclampsia. It was hard to believe its been a year already. Last year we had our team "Jogging for Jack" and raised close to $2000. This year, being in recovery from my csection I wasn't sure that I'd be able to walk it so I didn't put the team back together and just volunteered instead. Closer to the date of the walk, I actually realized I could have been fine to walk it afterall but had my SIL's baby shower to attend instead so that squashed any chance of walking this year. Next year for sure we'll do it and have a team and actually enjoy the day instead of only standing around a table selling merchandise. Its really the walk itself that is what the day is all about and makes it enjoyable. However, I was happy that I at least could be a part of the day even in a small part! Plus I got an extra shirt!:)
So now my little baby is 2 months old today. At his 2 month checkup, he was 9lbs and 19 3/4 inches long. According to the growth chart, his weight gain keeps him on track yet his growth was not enough to keep him on the chart. His pediatrician seems to think he was measured incorrectly so that its possible he grew enough if that was the case. Regardless, it wasn't too far off from where he should be so we'll just check him out at his 4 month check up and see how much he's grown then. He had one shot at his last doctors appointment but at this check up he had 2 shots and one oral medication. He was not a happy camper and all I have to say is TGFT (Thank Goodness for Tylenol) oh my goodness for a solid two days he was a crabby cakes!!! The second you'd give him the Tylenol though , all smiles. As part of his measurements, we discovered that his head circumference grew again. It was in the 77th percentile at his one month check up but now was in the 86th percentile. Jim and his family have large heads so the pediatrician was pretty sure it was just a familial thing but since Jack had Dandy Walker, a brain malformation, she ordered a head ultrasound of Thomas just to be sure everything was ok. He also needed a hip ultrasound since he was breech. I myself was breech and born with my hip out of place, which my mom thinks was due to my position, so we were happy to get both done and make sure everything is a-ok with our baby.
Later that week I took Thomas to the hospital to get his ultrasounds done. They had us sitting in the waiting room for over 1/2 hour so by the time we got called back, Thomas was squawking pretty loud!! He started making really loud grunting noises and then I started smelling something stinky, haha. Sure enough he left a little surprise in there just in time to have his ultrasounds. I ended up having to change him on the ultrasound table before they got started!! He didn't care for the head ultrasound, which I don't blame him. I had to hold his head in one position very still....which is impossible!! He was getting soooo mad that I wouldn't let him move his head around. When they put him on his side to scan his hip, he was a different baby. I think he actually liked laying on his side because he looked really content like that and didn't move an inch! We're still waiting to hear back from the results but I feel pretty good that both will be fine.
What is Thomas up to this month? Well.... he is still wearing mostly newborn clothes but slowly moving into his 0-3 month outfits. Mostly all onesies and shirts will fit but he needs to wear newborn pants. Its getting fun dressing him now that he's able to wear outfits! Here are a couple of our favorite outfits this month!
Thomas is not a fan of tummy time. We have tried it a few times but he falls asleep!! When he's on his back though he stays awake and seems more alert. He doesn't swat at his toys quite yet but he is putting his hands on his bottle while drinking and the other day he actually pulled his own paci out of his mouth!!
It seems as though we have found his winning combination of formula and medication. We switched him around 2 weeks ago to Similac Alimentum. He has been doing so much better with that plus the Prevacid. Of course its the most expensive type of Similac they sell but I'm of the belief that I'll pay any amount of money for formula if it stops him from screaming 24/7!! Since he has been on the formula, he is now drinking 5oz bottles!!! Also, almost every night this last week he has slept 6-7 consecutive hours at night without waking up for a bottle. Hallelujah!!!
Now that brings us to this weekend to round out the month! Yesterday Jim and I went out for a date night downtown. We really needed to spend some time together just us! We tried to go to the Field Museum for the Vikings exhibit but it was sold out. Instead we decided to go to the Planetarium. It was a great time and we saw a few "movies" there, one was 3d!!
After the Planetarium, we went to leave and head out to dinner but there was a torrential downpour outside!! There were a ton of people all crowding around the doors because they didn't want to go out in the rain. They pretty much kicked us all out as it was closing time so Jim and I ran to the bus stop and hopped on the bus that was waiting there before all the other people had that idea too. We were a little wet then, but when we got off the bus and started walking to dinner at The Melting Pot, we got sooooaked!!!! Of course neither of us had an umbrella!!! But it was worth it for the amazing meal we had....mmmmmmm my favorite place ever!!!
Which brings us to today.... Thomas' two month birthday!!! My cousin and his kids came over to meet him and they had so much fun taking turns holding him! They've been talking about meeting baby Thomas for so long I'm glad they were finally able to come by and meet him. We tried taking his 2 month pictures this morning but he was being very uncooperative. I had to put the paci in his mouth to get a good picture, haha!!! Our Molly Bear still hasn't arrived yet so next month I'm sure we'll be able to start using that in his monthly pictures. For now this is what we've got!!
Mother's Day, I already blogged about in a separate post so I won't delve any further into that weekend. The Saturday of that weekend though I stood up in a wedding for my friend from high school. It was our first official night away from Thomas and with his lack of sleeping you can imagine that we were home pretty early! It was fun to get dressed up and have my hair and makeup done though since I've been feeling frumpy so it was sure a nice pick me up! On the plus side, my bridesmaid dress had to be altered and re-altered because it was too big. Heehee :) Here are some cute pictures of us from the wedding!!
The week after the wedding/Mother's Day I had my 6 week postpartum check up with my OB. Everything looks to be healing accordingly and I was cleared for exercise other than walking, hurray!! I started a squat challenge to get my motivation back into gear. I started trying to do some other exercises like crunches and jumping jacks but I think I need to stick to motions that are NOT jumpy as the jumping motion shakes my flab which in turn shakes my incision. OUCH!! At the appointment, the OB asked me what form of birth control we'd be using. When I said, "None" , he gave me a pretty funny look. I told him that if we wound up back in his office without stopping at our infertility doctor first we'd go buy a lottery ticket. Obviously a "free baby" would be a miracle that would be most welcome so we're not concerned!! We got the cutest bib from the OB for Thomas... but its too cute to use so I'm just keeping it in his dresser :)
That same week of my 6 week pp checkup, I got to cash in on my "push present". Typically a push present is a nice piece of jewelry but mine was a day at the spa!! For me, that is so much better than jewelry as I'm not a jewelry wearing person. Now the spa? That is definitely something that I can enjoy and it was MUCH needed by that point!! I started with a papaya scrub wrap, they had me take a hot shower afterwards. Let me tell you....being able to take a hot shower without having a baby screaming for me to pick him up was the best part. I got to stay in there for as long as I wanted, ahhhh wonderful. Then , I had an hour full body massage. Lunch from Panera. A facial and ending with a manicure. I left there completely relaxed and refreshed!!!
So now my little baby is 2 months old today. At his 2 month checkup, he was 9lbs and 19 3/4 inches long. According to the growth chart, his weight gain keeps him on track yet his growth was not enough to keep him on the chart. His pediatrician seems to think he was measured incorrectly so that its possible he grew enough if that was the case. Regardless, it wasn't too far off from where he should be so we'll just check him out at his 4 month check up and see how much he's grown then. He had one shot at his last doctors appointment but at this check up he had 2 shots and one oral medication. He was not a happy camper and all I have to say is TGFT (Thank Goodness for Tylenol) oh my goodness for a solid two days he was a crabby cakes!!! The second you'd give him the Tylenol though , all smiles. As part of his measurements, we discovered that his head circumference grew again. It was in the 77th percentile at his one month check up but now was in the 86th percentile. Jim and his family have large heads so the pediatrician was pretty sure it was just a familial thing but since Jack had Dandy Walker, a brain malformation, she ordered a head ultrasound of Thomas just to be sure everything was ok. He also needed a hip ultrasound since he was breech. I myself was breech and born with my hip out of place, which my mom thinks was due to my position, so we were happy to get both done and make sure everything is a-ok with our baby.
Later that week I took Thomas to the hospital to get his ultrasounds done. They had us sitting in the waiting room for over 1/2 hour so by the time we got called back, Thomas was squawking pretty loud!! He started making really loud grunting noises and then I started smelling something stinky, haha. Sure enough he left a little surprise in there just in time to have his ultrasounds. I ended up having to change him on the ultrasound table before they got started!! He didn't care for the head ultrasound, which I don't blame him. I had to hold his head in one position very still....which is impossible!! He was getting soooo mad that I wouldn't let him move his head around. When they put him on his side to scan his hip, he was a different baby. I think he actually liked laying on his side because he looked really content like that and didn't move an inch! We're still waiting to hear back from the results but I feel pretty good that both will be fine.
What is Thomas up to this month? Well.... he is still wearing mostly newborn clothes but slowly moving into his 0-3 month outfits. Mostly all onesies and shirts will fit but he needs to wear newborn pants. Its getting fun dressing him now that he's able to wear outfits! Here are a couple of our favorite outfits this month!
Thomas is not a fan of tummy time. We have tried it a few times but he falls asleep!! When he's on his back though he stays awake and seems more alert. He doesn't swat at his toys quite yet but he is putting his hands on his bottle while drinking and the other day he actually pulled his own paci out of his mouth!!
It seems as though we have found his winning combination of formula and medication. We switched him around 2 weeks ago to Similac Alimentum. He has been doing so much better with that plus the Prevacid. Of course its the most expensive type of Similac they sell but I'm of the belief that I'll pay any amount of money for formula if it stops him from screaming 24/7!! Since he has been on the formula, he is now drinking 5oz bottles!!! Also, almost every night this last week he has slept 6-7 consecutive hours at night without waking up for a bottle. Hallelujah!!!
Now that brings us to this weekend to round out the month! Yesterday Jim and I went out for a date night downtown. We really needed to spend some time together just us! We tried to go to the Field Museum for the Vikings exhibit but it was sold out. Instead we decided to go to the Planetarium. It was a great time and we saw a few "movies" there, one was 3d!!
After the Planetarium, we went to leave and head out to dinner but there was a torrential downpour outside!! There were a ton of people all crowding around the doors because they didn't want to go out in the rain. They pretty much kicked us all out as it was closing time so Jim and I ran to the bus stop and hopped on the bus that was waiting there before all the other people had that idea too. We were a little wet then, but when we got off the bus and started walking to dinner at The Melting Pot, we got sooooaked!!!! Of course neither of us had an umbrella!!! But it was worth it for the amazing meal we had....mmmmmmm my favorite place ever!!!
Which brings us to today.... Thomas' two month birthday!!! My cousin and his kids came over to meet him and they had so much fun taking turns holding him! They've been talking about meeting baby Thomas for so long I'm glad they were finally able to come by and meet him. We tried taking his 2 month pictures this morning but he was being very uncooperative. I had to put the paci in his mouth to get a good picture, haha!!! Our Molly Bear still hasn't arrived yet so next month I'm sure we'll be able to start using that in his monthly pictures. For now this is what we've got!!
Just for fun....here are then and now pictures of my cousin's. First picture is me holding them, second is them holding Thomas. Oh how quickly time flies!
Jimmy...
Suzy and Maggie...
Sophie...
Monday, May 11, 2015
1st Earthly Mother's Day/ Jack's Due Date
Mother's Day is something most woman eagerly anticipate before they have children. You picture someday getting served breakfast in bed by your husband and bright eyed children, cards and cute little art projects, a day of celebration of you and appreciation for bringing life into the world.
I , like those other woman, also had such lofty expectations and while it would be some time before the cute art projects started rolling in, I had such excitement for what my first Mother's Day would be like. To hold that baby and to know I brought him/her into this world and have everyone around me celebrate....it would be amazing.
However, every year that went by without being pregnant or having a glimmer of hope of having a child the following Mother's Day, my vision of that perfect Mother's Day slowly and gradually began to fade. Maybe I'd never get that perfect Mother's Day that I'd envisioned for so long. Then came Jack. Not only was I going to finally be a mother but my miracle baby was actually DUE on Mother's Day. You don't get much more perfect than that.
Then he was gone.
When Mother's Day/ Jack's Due Date arrived last year it was the 2nd hardest day of my life. The first of course being the day he was born. We released balloons and Jim and I spent the day downtown to just have some us time. We wanted to light a candle at Old St. Patrick's Church downtown but they didn't have candles so instead we wrote prayers in the prayer book for our little Jack.
I was a Mother but no one was celebrating me. Some people recognized me but it wasn't a day of happiness and joy as I had pictured.
This journey has taught me a lot and my hardest lesson to learn has been that you can't plan everything in your life. Things don't always go the way you want or the way you think they should. Sometimes life throws you a curve ball and you just have to figure out the best way to duck.
Here we are a year later. Jack would have been a year old.... maybe walking? Would he be starting to talk? How many teeth would he have? All these questions we'll never know but now we get to see them in person with his little brother Thomas.
Today of all days, May 11th.... I just looked at Thomas' face and said "Thank you Jack.... you're not here but you picked out a pretty amazing little brother for your Mommy and Daddy to take care of here on Earth."
Mother's Day this year was our first with a child in our arms after so many years of wondering if it would ever happen. Thomas has been an amazing gift to us and we're so thankful to be blessed to be his parents. We didn't make too much of a big deal out of the day. I don't think it will ever feel right to celebrate Mother's Day the way that I pictured it to be years ago....and I'm fine with that. I don't need a celebration, I just need my little boy he's enough of a celebration for me.
I , like those other woman, also had such lofty expectations and while it would be some time before the cute art projects started rolling in, I had such excitement for what my first Mother's Day would be like. To hold that baby and to know I brought him/her into this world and have everyone around me celebrate....it would be amazing.
However, every year that went by without being pregnant or having a glimmer of hope of having a child the following Mother's Day, my vision of that perfect Mother's Day slowly and gradually began to fade. Maybe I'd never get that perfect Mother's Day that I'd envisioned for so long. Then came Jack. Not only was I going to finally be a mother but my miracle baby was actually DUE on Mother's Day. You don't get much more perfect than that.
Then he was gone.
When Mother's Day/ Jack's Due Date arrived last year it was the 2nd hardest day of my life. The first of course being the day he was born. We released balloons and Jim and I spent the day downtown to just have some us time. We wanted to light a candle at Old St. Patrick's Church downtown but they didn't have candles so instead we wrote prayers in the prayer book for our little Jack.
I was a Mother but no one was celebrating me. Some people recognized me but it wasn't a day of happiness and joy as I had pictured.
This journey has taught me a lot and my hardest lesson to learn has been that you can't plan everything in your life. Things don't always go the way you want or the way you think they should. Sometimes life throws you a curve ball and you just have to figure out the best way to duck.
Here we are a year later. Jack would have been a year old.... maybe walking? Would he be starting to talk? How many teeth would he have? All these questions we'll never know but now we get to see them in person with his little brother Thomas.
Today of all days, May 11th.... I just looked at Thomas' face and said "Thank you Jack.... you're not here but you picked out a pretty amazing little brother for your Mommy and Daddy to take care of here on Earth."
Mother's Day this year was our first with a child in our arms after so many years of wondering if it would ever happen. Thomas has been an amazing gift to us and we're so thankful to be blessed to be his parents. We didn't make too much of a big deal out of the day. I don't think it will ever feel right to celebrate Mother's Day the way that I pictured it to be years ago....and I'm fine with that. I don't need a celebration, I just need my little boy he's enough of a celebration for me.
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