Wednesday, September 26, 2012
And this...is why I need to revisit my therapist, LOL
Monday, September 24, 2012
I'm out...I'm back in.......nope, I'm out
Sunday we had my BIL and future SIL over to watch the Bears game.
We were getting the bathrooms ready for them since they needed to use the showers in the house. I decided to put in my Endometrin before they got in there and to my surprise I was spotting. Uggg....well as I came out of the bathroom, my BIL said ,"You guys have so much room here when you have kids you'll have plenty of space here!!". All I could think of was the when? you mean IF! we have kids...and then I started crying. Jim and I locked ourselves in the bedroom and we both had an ugly cry over our loss of what might have been.
Well...I went to Target with my FSIL and bought a few impulse items to make myself feel better and by the time I got home the spotting stopped.
Then I started thinking maybe it was implantation bleeding so I was excited again for my beta, thinking I was still in the game!! However, this morning when I woke up to go downtown at 5am, the spotting was back. I still drove downtown and saw my favorite lab tech who said he'd see me in a couple days. Oh how I wished he was right but nope he was wrong.
The IVF nurse called to confirm the beta was negative. We're going to California Oct 10-17th for Jim's cousin's wedding in Sacramento so we're unable to start a new cycle right away.
IVF #2 should be a go for end of October/early November barring any unforseen circumstances.
This effing blows.
We were getting the bathrooms ready for them since they needed to use the showers in the house. I decided to put in my Endometrin before they got in there and to my surprise I was spotting. Uggg....well as I came out of the bathroom, my BIL said ,"You guys have so much room here when you have kids you'll have plenty of space here!!". All I could think of was the when? you mean IF! we have kids...and then I started crying. Jim and I locked ourselves in the bedroom and we both had an ugly cry over our loss of what might have been.
Well...I went to Target with my FSIL and bought a few impulse items to make myself feel better and by the time I got home the spotting stopped.
Then I started thinking maybe it was implantation bleeding so I was excited again for my beta, thinking I was still in the game!! However, this morning when I woke up to go downtown at 5am, the spotting was back. I still drove downtown and saw my favorite lab tech who said he'd see me in a couple days. Oh how I wished he was right but nope he was wrong.
The IVF nurse called to confirm the beta was negative. We're going to California Oct 10-17th for Jim's cousin's wedding in Sacramento so we're unable to start a new cycle right away.
IVF #2 should be a go for end of October/early November barring any unforseen circumstances.
This effing blows.
Saturday, September 22, 2012
The positivity scale is starting to drop!
Since my last post we found out that the remaining 5 embryos stopped growing and we had nothing that was able to be frozen. I was really disappointed that out of 19 eggs retrieved we only had 1 good one to transfer. No pressure or anything...but little embie, its all up to you!
The last week has gone by quick. I started a new job on Monday so the week flew by. Although I promised MH that I wouldn't go crazy, I'm still testing here and there. Yesterday morning, yesterday evening and this morning all BFN so far. However, today is only 8dp3dt so I do understand that its probably too early but, I'm still anticipating the worst and hoping for the best so its going to make this weekend drag out longer than need be. I'm going to test again tomorrow morning and probably Monday morning before my beta because I like to prep myself. If I keep getting BFNs then at least when the RE's office calls while I'm at work Monday afternoon with bad news, then I'll be prepared somewhat. Uggg, this is maddening I tell ya.
As of yesterday, I've had cramps on and off. They started up during the day, then moved into my back. When I woke up this morning they were gone but this afternoon they're coming back again so I dont know!
Funny thing though...after we moved I found a bottle of Holy Water our new Church gave us to bless the house. The lady from the Parish said to bless everything....the dog, the cars, etc....so I figure why not bless my embie? So, I took a little droplet of water and rubbed it on my belly. LOL
Ok, well thats about it for now. T-minus 48 hours before my big news...eeek.
The last week has gone by quick. I started a new job on Monday so the week flew by. Although I promised MH that I wouldn't go crazy, I'm still testing here and there. Yesterday morning, yesterday evening and this morning all BFN so far. However, today is only 8dp3dt so I do understand that its probably too early but, I'm still anticipating the worst and hoping for the best so its going to make this weekend drag out longer than need be. I'm going to test again tomorrow morning and probably Monday morning before my beta because I like to prep myself. If I keep getting BFNs then at least when the RE's office calls while I'm at work Monday afternoon with bad news, then I'll be prepared somewhat. Uggg, this is maddening I tell ya.
As of yesterday, I've had cramps on and off. They started up during the day, then moved into my back. When I woke up this morning they were gone but this afternoon they're coming back again so I dont know!
Funny thing though...after we moved I found a bottle of Holy Water our new Church gave us to bless the house. The lady from the Parish said to bless everything....the dog, the cars, etc....so I figure why not bless my embie? So, I took a little droplet of water and rubbed it on my belly. LOL
Ok, well thats about it for now. T-minus 48 hours before my big news...eeek.
Friday, September 14, 2012
PUPO for the first time in my life :)
Love it :) This is the closest I've ever gotten to true pregnancy and I'm basking in the moment...while drinking a decaf Pumpkin Spice Latte to celebrate.
We transferred one perfect 8 cell embryo this morning. The other 3 aren't bad but not as good as our 8 cell little one. They are watching those 3 another 2 days to see if they are good enough to freeze. In addition, the extra 5 eggs they found only 2 were able to be fertilized so there are another 2 that they are watching. I should be getting a call tomorrow hopefully with more information on their progress. Either way, I'm banking on my one perfect little white spot on the ultrasound machine :)
Beta is on Monday 9/24....how am I going to stay sane for 10 days, eeeek!
We transferred one perfect 8 cell embryo this morning. The other 3 aren't bad but not as good as our 8 cell little one. They are watching those 3 another 2 days to see if they are good enough to freeze. In addition, the extra 5 eggs they found only 2 were able to be fertilized so there are another 2 that they are watching. I should be getting a call tomorrow hopefully with more information on their progress. Either way, I'm banking on my one perfect little white spot on the ultrasound machine :)
Beta is on Monday 9/24....how am I going to stay sane for 10 days, eeeek!
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Omelette anyone?!?
Sundays appointment brought me the news I was hoping for....a trigger that night and removal on Tuesday!!! I still had a slew of follicles growing and my e2 was over 3,000!
I had to work an overnight training shift on Sunday so that was interesting trying to fit in a power nap and still take my last injects and trigger but I did it! I got home from my cousin's birthday party around 5pm, laid down until 9pm then got up. I took my last (hopefully ever!) shots of Menopur (back to 150) and Follistim (still at 225) then triggered at 9:45pm. I was so excited to not have to take any more or go back for another monitoring appointment!!
Monday I picked up my script of Doxycycline and took the first pill. Blech! Even though I ate a full meal before taking it, I felt like I was going to yak!!! Jim and I went out to what was supposed to be our closing date only to find out that the attorneys had rescheduled the closing without telling us. And...of course they rescheduled it for Tuesday afternoon the day of my retrieval!
I was really concerned with having ER and a closing all on the same day. Since this was my first ER, I wasn't sure how I'd react and if I'd feel ok to be sitting through a closing. Thankfully, besides being suuuper tired and dizzy I was ok and as more time passed I felt better...but then started getting crampy on the way home. The Tylenol bottle was a callin' my name!!
So about the ER...since this is an IF blog afterall I'm sure you don't want to hear about my new house.
Well...we got there at 8:30 after being stuck in traffic and worried we were going to be late. They took me back pretty soon after and gave me my new fancy robe and slippers to put on. The slippers were big enough for a giants feet, they were HUGE!! lol!! Once I was changed, I hopped up in the bed and the nurse took my vitals which were fine as usual. Then the fun part came...trying to put an IV in me. My original nurse stuck me twice and couldn't get it so she asked one of the other nurses to come help her. That nurse tried three more times, she kept apologizing but I said don't worry about it I'm a toughie just get the thing in me!!
At that point she felt like she'd have more luck if they got me over to the Procedure Room and positioned in the bed. She said she was going to say her prayers while I was getting situated...very reassuring when the nurse has to pray to get my IV in, LOL. I went to the bathroom and then hopped up into the bed with the stirups and got positioned,thankfully they put a blanket over me, LOL The nurse came back in with reinforcement however they still weren't able to get the IV going.
Eventually the RE on call that was doing my ER came in to see why I wasn't ready yet. When he saw all the bandaids and puncture wounds on me he came around on the side of the table and held my hand, haha. So then, a few other nurses came in to try and help. 4 on the left and 3 on the right. The RE was trying to talk to me and distract me so he asked if I wanted some music on. I told him I was a country fan and guess what? so was he! So we chatted about the new Taylor Swift song and then Kenny Chesney came on the playlist so I told him all about my little Chesney. Well by then, still no IV, so the RE asked if he could try just once. Bam...that was it. So after 7 attempts at an IV that was the lucky stick! I dont remember much more after that since the drugs work quick and effectively!! I woke up in recovery and Jim was there...and I was eating graham crackers and drinking a can of pop. Then memory fades in and out from there. I honestly felt like I was drunk allllll day!!! I passed out in the car and was sound asleep from downtown Chicago all the way to our closing in Bolingbrook!!!
As the day went on, I got more and more crampy as I mentioned. When I got home last night I took some Tylenol and laid down around 5pm. When I woke up it was dark...so I came downstairs just in time for Jim to get home with a pizza for all of us for dinner. I had a few pieces and was tired again so I went to bed. All in all between yesterday and this morning, I slept about 15 hours!! Phew, I feel soooo much better today. Although, since I was in a drunken stupor, I noticed I have a bandaid on my hip/butt and the area hurts!! I wonder if they gave me a PIO shot? I have a vague recollection of our consultations that said they do that but I can't remember. All I know is, it hurts and its in the spot where a PIO would go. My puncture wounds hurt like mofos...and the one has actually bruised so bad it takes up half my arm!! I'm still crampy but not as bad as yesterday so I think as long as I take it easy and drink lots of fluids I should be ok!!
I'm anxiously awaiting my fertility report this morning where they'll tell me how many were mature and how many have fertilized properly. We authorized ICSI so if the embryos aren't fertilizing they are allowed to help them along. Hopefully we've got a great bunch with a few to freeze because I'm not so keen on the idea of doing this again!!
Oh wait...the best part....I didn't tell you how many were retrieved to begin with did I? Silly me!!! The were able to retrieve 19 eggs!!!!!!!! YAY!!! Ok... that is all for now, I'll re-update once the fert. report comes in!
I had to work an overnight training shift on Sunday so that was interesting trying to fit in a power nap and still take my last injects and trigger but I did it! I got home from my cousin's birthday party around 5pm, laid down until 9pm then got up. I took my last (hopefully ever!) shots of Menopur (back to 150) and Follistim (still at 225) then triggered at 9:45pm. I was so excited to not have to take any more or go back for another monitoring appointment!!
Monday I picked up my script of Doxycycline and took the first pill. Blech! Even though I ate a full meal before taking it, I felt like I was going to yak!!! Jim and I went out to what was supposed to be our closing date only to find out that the attorneys had rescheduled the closing without telling us. And...of course they rescheduled it for Tuesday afternoon the day of my retrieval!
I was really concerned with having ER and a closing all on the same day. Since this was my first ER, I wasn't sure how I'd react and if I'd feel ok to be sitting through a closing. Thankfully, besides being suuuper tired and dizzy I was ok and as more time passed I felt better...but then started getting crampy on the way home. The Tylenol bottle was a callin' my name!!
So about the ER...since this is an IF blog afterall I'm sure you don't want to hear about my new house.
Well...we got there at 8:30 after being stuck in traffic and worried we were going to be late. They took me back pretty soon after and gave me my new fancy robe and slippers to put on. The slippers were big enough for a giants feet, they were HUGE!! lol!! Once I was changed, I hopped up in the bed and the nurse took my vitals which were fine as usual. Then the fun part came...trying to put an IV in me. My original nurse stuck me twice and couldn't get it so she asked one of the other nurses to come help her. That nurse tried three more times, she kept apologizing but I said don't worry about it I'm a toughie just get the thing in me!!
At that point she felt like she'd have more luck if they got me over to the Procedure Room and positioned in the bed. She said she was going to say her prayers while I was getting situated...very reassuring when the nurse has to pray to get my IV in, LOL. I went to the bathroom and then hopped up into the bed with the stirups and got positioned,thankfully they put a blanket over me, LOL The nurse came back in with reinforcement however they still weren't able to get the IV going.
Eventually the RE on call that was doing my ER came in to see why I wasn't ready yet. When he saw all the bandaids and puncture wounds on me he came around on the side of the table and held my hand, haha. So then, a few other nurses came in to try and help. 4 on the left and 3 on the right. The RE was trying to talk to me and distract me so he asked if I wanted some music on. I told him I was a country fan and guess what? so was he! So we chatted about the new Taylor Swift song and then Kenny Chesney came on the playlist so I told him all about my little Chesney. Well by then, still no IV, so the RE asked if he could try just once. Bam...that was it. So after 7 attempts at an IV that was the lucky stick! I dont remember much more after that since the drugs work quick and effectively!! I woke up in recovery and Jim was there...and I was eating graham crackers and drinking a can of pop. Then memory fades in and out from there. I honestly felt like I was drunk allllll day!!! I passed out in the car and was sound asleep from downtown Chicago all the way to our closing in Bolingbrook!!!
As the day went on, I got more and more crampy as I mentioned. When I got home last night I took some Tylenol and laid down around 5pm. When I woke up it was dark...so I came downstairs just in time for Jim to get home with a pizza for all of us for dinner. I had a few pieces and was tired again so I went to bed. All in all between yesterday and this morning, I slept about 15 hours!! Phew, I feel soooo much better today. Although, since I was in a drunken stupor, I noticed I have a bandaid on my hip/butt and the area hurts!! I wonder if they gave me a PIO shot? I have a vague recollection of our consultations that said they do that but I can't remember. All I know is, it hurts and its in the spot where a PIO would go. My puncture wounds hurt like mofos...and the one has actually bruised so bad it takes up half my arm!! I'm still crampy but not as bad as yesterday so I think as long as I take it easy and drink lots of fluids I should be ok!!
I'm anxiously awaiting my fertility report this morning where they'll tell me how many were mature and how many have fertilized properly. We authorized ICSI so if the embryos aren't fertilizing they are allowed to help them along. Hopefully we've got a great bunch with a few to freeze because I'm not so keen on the idea of doing this again!!
Oh wait...the best part....I didn't tell you how many were retrieved to begin with did I? Silly me!!! The were able to retrieve 19 eggs!!!!!!!! YAY!!! Ok... that is all for now, I'll re-update once the fert. report comes in!
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Getting close to ER?!? Woohoo!!
I'm keeping my fingers crossed that tomorrow's monitoring appointment is the last one and that I can trigger tomorrow and have ER on Tuesday morning.
Yesterday's appointment went decent except for the fact that my estrogen went from 524 to 1374!!! They dialed down my Follistim down to 225 and I went back this morning for a repeat.
Today was a great result!!! My e2 is 1893 and I have the following:
Right side: 3@10, 3@11, 1@12, 4@13, and 1@15 Left side: 4@10, 2@11, and 2@12
Coupled the amount of follicles with my e2 levels, I'm really pretty optomistic for a removal on Tuesday....Wednesday at latest.
I just started a new job yesterday so this process has been a bit overwhelming. I was honest with my new employer and she has been AWESOME at working with me. She's a mom so I'm sure she knows nothing is easy:)
Ok....more tomorrow!!!
Yesterday's appointment went decent except for the fact that my estrogen went from 524 to 1374!!! They dialed down my Follistim down to 225 and I went back this morning for a repeat.
Today was a great result!!! My e2 is 1893 and I have the following:
Right side: 3@10, 3@11, 1@12, 4@13, and 1@15 Left side: 4@10, 2@11, and 2@12
Coupled the amount of follicles with my e2 levels, I'm really pretty optomistic for a removal on Tuesday....Wednesday at latest.
I just started a new job yesterday so this process has been a bit overwhelming. I was honest with my new employer and she has been AWESOME at working with me. She's a mom so I'm sure she knows nothing is easy:)
Ok....more tomorrow!!!
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
1st monitoring appointment
Well nothing measurable on either side but there are several follicles on both sides. Nothing measurable means they are less than 10mm. They're there and growing just not large enough to measure yet. My e2 however was 524 so that makes me feel better. Since its only been 4 nights, having an e2 that high puts my mind at ease for now. Last cycle, my e2 was 1/2 that amount at the first appointment. My meds are staying the same and I'll be going back on Friday for repeats!
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Is apathy a side effect of IF? Cuz I've got it...big time...
bla·sé (blä-z)
adj.
1. Uninterested because of frequent exposure or indulgence.
2. Unconcerned; nonchalant: had a blasé attitude about housecleaning.
This is me to a tee. I'm very uninterested in this cycle for some reason. At first I was getting anxious and jealous of all the other ladies in process of their IVF cycles and looking forward to getting back at it myself. Now? Pfffft...whatevs.
Last night I took my Menopur first, then Lupron , then Follistim. Menopur was ok...bled a little but ok. I waited until the bleeding stopped then proceeded to pinch and grab for the Lupron. Only problem was, after I injected the needle, the plunger wouldn't go in! I gave it a little bit of a firm press and all 10units shot into me...YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUCH!!!!!!! So it was no surprise to see the waterfall of blood coming out after the needle was removed. It was pretty gross...I had to wash my hands before the Follistim. After all that, I somehow still found the strength and courage to take one.more.shot. The last one wasn't as bad but now that I'm on 300iu, I felt like I was holding that pen forever. It kept going, "click click click click click click click"...OMG am I done yet.."click click click click", LOL
So this morning I decided to sleep in a bit. With clinicals last week and the RE appt. Saturday, I figured I deserved to sleep in. Well...I probably should have set the alarm because I woke up at 9:15am , a lot later than intended. My shots are on a 9 & 9 so I was 15min late...eek!! I raced downstairs, grabbed the Lupron and a pre-filled Lovenox. Lupron first since that was time sensitive...this time it went ok. No flood of blood, lol. Lovenox burned like a mofo...more than usual but what are ya gonna do.
This is going to be a long 1-2weeks I have a feeling. Coupled with the fact that we're closing on our new house and supposed to be moving the same week I'm hoping to do ER/ET so I'd like to fast forward a month please and thank you. :)
Also...here is something that I have to look forward to. Any....day....now...
This is me to a tee. I'm very uninterested in this cycle for some reason. At first I was getting anxious and jealous of all the other ladies in process of their IVF cycles and looking forward to getting back at it myself. Now? Pfffft...whatevs.
Last night I took my Menopur first, then Lupron , then Follistim. Menopur was ok...bled a little but ok. I waited until the bleeding stopped then proceeded to pinch and grab for the Lupron. Only problem was, after I injected the needle, the plunger wouldn't go in! I gave it a little bit of a firm press and all 10units shot into me...YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUCH!!!!!!! So it was no surprise to see the waterfall of blood coming out after the needle was removed. It was pretty gross...I had to wash my hands before the Follistim. After all that, I somehow still found the strength and courage to take one.more.shot. The last one wasn't as bad but now that I'm on 300iu, I felt like I was holding that pen forever. It kept going, "click click click click click click click"...OMG am I done yet.."click click click click", LOL
So this morning I decided to sleep in a bit. With clinicals last week and the RE appt. Saturday, I figured I deserved to sleep in. Well...I probably should have set the alarm because I woke up at 9:15am , a lot later than intended. My shots are on a 9 & 9 so I was 15min late...eek!! I raced downstairs, grabbed the Lupron and a pre-filled Lovenox. Lupron first since that was time sensitive...this time it went ok. No flood of blood, lol. Lovenox burned like a mofo...more than usual but what are ya gonna do.
This is going to be a long 1-2weeks I have a feeling. Coupled with the fact that we're closing on our new house and supposed to be moving the same week I'm hoping to do ER/ET so I'd like to fast forward a month please and thank you. :)
Also...here is something that I have to look forward to. Any....day....now...
Saturday, September 1, 2012
What is this...Candid Camera???
I seriously felt like I was on it today...wth?!? LOL
First, I'm in line at Northwestern waiting for the office to open. I got up all last week at 5am for clinicals so today, when I'd rather be sleeping in, I'm up at 5am and waiting to get poked and prodded again for another week-ish. Well, this woman comes up and asks if the office is still closed. I am standing outside...and the door is closed...so umm, yes, its still closed I tell her. I said it doesn't open until 8am on Saturdays and its only 7:45am so you have about 15min. So, this woman continues to walk back and forth and peer into the glass part of the door, like I'm lying and she can make them open by staring at them, LOL THEN...she stands in front of me and starts exercising. No...I'm serious...exercising. Toe touches and lunges etc. just staaaanding in the hall. O.M.G.
So...the office opens and we all grab our numbers and head to the waiting room. There are either 2 new ultrasound techs or else they work on days I've never been there because I haven't seen either one of them. The first one comes out to call the ultrasound numbers and has a hairstyle like Flock of Seagulls! I mean...its 2012 not 1985, what the eff? LOL Then the second tech that gets me for ultrasound put, not even kidding you, half the lube bottle on the probe. OOOO.MMMMM.GGGG
What is even funnier is that after my ultrasound I went back into the waiting room for my bloodwork. The woman who was doing exercises in the hall came out of the ultrasound room and started pacing in front of the lab. Finally the tech comes over to see what she wants...she wanted to turn in the number she took (its like a grocery deli...take a number) and get her bloodwork done. The tech looks at her all weird and says...well you're number 6 and we haven't even called number 1 yet so how about you sit down and wait for your number.
Wow...that is all I have to say about today.
On a positive note, all is well with me and my medications will start tonight! I'll be on my new protocol for the next 4 nights and will go back Wednesday morning for repeat bloodwork and ultrasound. I'll be happy to just get to ER this time...baby steps, haha, no pun intended
First, I'm in line at Northwestern waiting for the office to open. I got up all last week at 5am for clinicals so today, when I'd rather be sleeping in, I'm up at 5am and waiting to get poked and prodded again for another week-ish. Well, this woman comes up and asks if the office is still closed. I am standing outside...and the door is closed...so umm, yes, its still closed I tell her. I said it doesn't open until 8am on Saturdays and its only 7:45am so you have about 15min. So, this woman continues to walk back and forth and peer into the glass part of the door, like I'm lying and she can make them open by staring at them, LOL THEN...she stands in front of me and starts exercising. No...I'm serious...exercising. Toe touches and lunges etc. just staaaanding in the hall. O.M.G.
So...the office opens and we all grab our numbers and head to the waiting room. There are either 2 new ultrasound techs or else they work on days I've never been there because I haven't seen either one of them. The first one comes out to call the ultrasound numbers and has a hairstyle like Flock of Seagulls! I mean...its 2012 not 1985, what the eff? LOL Then the second tech that gets me for ultrasound put, not even kidding you, half the lube bottle on the probe. OOOO.MMMMM.GGGG
What is even funnier is that after my ultrasound I went back into the waiting room for my bloodwork. The woman who was doing exercises in the hall came out of the ultrasound room and started pacing in front of the lab. Finally the tech comes over to see what she wants...she wanted to turn in the number she took (its like a grocery deli...take a number) and get her bloodwork done. The tech looks at her all weird and says...well you're number 6 and we haven't even called number 1 yet so how about you sit down and wait for your number.
Wow...that is all I have to say about today.
On a positive note, all is well with me and my medications will start tonight! I'll be on my new protocol for the next 4 nights and will go back Wednesday morning for repeat bloodwork and ultrasound. I'll be happy to just get to ER this time...baby steps, haha, no pun intended
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