Last week of 1st Trimester

13 weeks today and next week will begin 2nd trimester already!

Today I actually had a burst of energy which has been so extremely rare these days. I cleaned up around the house (our house is soooooo gross and dirty) so now its livable, I did my laundry, and ran some errands. I bought a new crockpot, our 3rd in four years. We just don't have good luck with crockpots....or pregnancy....ha!  Something in common look at that! Well hopefully both our baby and our crockpot withstand the test of time because I'm not willing to give up another one of etiher, LOL!!!

I'm also doing another freezer meal workshop but crockpot meals this time (hence the need to buy a new crockpot today). I'm really excited about it. I enjoyed the other freezer meal party I went to but it was focused on food to be grilled. Jim's not home much for dinner and I'm not one to use the grill so the meals I did make were made on the stove. Ehhh, not as good. At least the crockpot meals I know this is super duper easy. Dump a bag in the crockpot, hit a button, go to work. Done.

I also took another inventory of my stockpile. I tried getting a year supply of items when I was pregnant with Jack so I'm trying to do the same again now. Currently we're good on a lot of things (toothpaste, my deodorant, shampoo, body wash) but my toilet paper stash is getting low. We only have 4.2 months on hand now and that wont do. I attempted to build up my stock today but ended up only buying a package of 16 rolls and 2 packs of diapers. :::SIGH:::  I shouldn't have even walked down the aisle because the smell of baby powder that just wafts out of the little packages gets me every time and next thing you know they're in the cart. I give up, you win diapers.  :/

Here we are 13 weeks....

 

 

 

 



Jack's 9 month birthday/ First MFM appointment

The strange coincidence in dates continue. I was originally a little weirded out by it but maybe its just a sign that my Jack is watching out for us? Anywho, my first MFM appointment was yesterday which just happened to also be 9 months to the day that Jack was born. We were taken into the same room and had the same ultrasound tech as the day we found out about Jack's Dandy Walker 9 months and one week prior.

Thankfully, so far, baby seems to be developing properly as much as they can tell right now. I have a 16 week cervical check and the MFM will try to take a peek at the brain to see if the cerebellum is forming but really until 18-20 weeks we wont know for sure if baby has Dandy Walker. The MFM says its extremely unlikely to happen a second time but we're not exactly the best statistical parents you know. Anywho... after my 16 week check, depending on how my cervix looks I may be in quite often or only every 2-3 weeks.

My second regular OB appointment is next week already....ok so maybe time is starting to pick up a little bit.

Here is baby's first picture where she looks like a baby and not a gummy bear!  If you believe in the "nub theory", let me know what you think but I even more so think baby is a girl.

HB is 163 and so far my blood pressure is holding low at 117/77. Yay!

 

12 weeks- The Proverbial "Safe Zone"

So here we are today 12 weeks. This is the time when most couples feel they are in the "Safe zone" of the pregnancy when the risk of miscarriage has dropped significantly enough that they feel comfortable telling the world about the baby on the way.

Last year, I admit, we fell for it too. We made it past 12 weeks so that baby was coming home. Being 12 weeks today makes me feel no more "safe" than I did at 5 weeks. To know first hand there is no "safe zone" is one life lesson I'm glad not many people have to learn. Unfortunately, we are one of those couples who have lived the life that showed us that there is no time during pregnancy when you are guaranteed to take home that baby.

Right now, all we can do is cross our fingers, say our prayers, and count down the days until April and hope we get as close to April 5th as possible without any major issues. I'm already starting to have dreams that I'm being put on bed rest at this early stage....I'm starting to freak out about the fact that 8 gestational weeks away is my milestone. Can I make it past that date?

Anywho... Here we are 12 weeks. I think the blump is turning more into a bump. It's starting to be the same size all day!

Theeeese dreams go on when I close my eyeeeees....

No seriously, the second I close my eyes and fall asleep the totally bizarro dreams start. I'm normally a pretty detailed and vivid dreamer but these dreams not every single night...its unreal!!  I have to start writing them down because this baby makes me have the most outlandish dreams ever!

Here are a few I remember off the top of my head :
1)  I was at a party being held for my birthday at a school. My Aunt came over to me and told me I had to close the gates so the kids wouldn't come into the party. When I was walking toward the gate it was so windy I was struggling to walk. Finally I get to the gate and my dad is in a truck waiting for me so I get in. We drove around a little bit but there was a man stuffing a dead body into a dumpster so we decided to go to the police station and report him. My dad asked me if I was upset he took me away from my party. I told him it was only a 17th birthday party it didn't matter to me. Ummm...ok I'm 33.

2) I was apartment hunting with my parents, in my dream I was single. I really liked the place I saw but it was $1500 a month and I didn't want to get a roommate. When we walked out and to the car it was in the ghetto.

3) Jim and I and a group of people were going to Germany. At the airport I stopped to look at some trinkets and put down my bags. When they called me to hurry up, I ran to catch up but forgot my bags. Meantime someone stole them.... I was going to buy new clothes when we got to Germany but I realized I didn't have my passport either so I had to go home while everyone else went on the trip.

4) I've had two Blake Shelton dreams where we're BFFs. First dream we were shopping at the mall because Miranda had a concert and he was killing time. Second, they both were at my house we were just hanging out watching TV

5) I rented an apartment in the high rise downtown Chicago that I used to work in. Only thing was, it was already lived in by the guy who played the main male character in the movie "It". All I had to myself was a bathroom and a small room w/closet but I was so excited! I walked around a little bit in the building and the building was swaying in the wind. I thought to myself, I don't remember this building doing that when I worked here!


I'm sure the list will continue but these are just a few gems for now, LOL thank you baby you make me crazy awake and asleep!

Dun dun dunnnn.... we posted on FB....eeek....

So I ordered this onesie for baby from Etsy...



Today it arrived!  Its a newborn size so of course its going to be small but OMG was it small!!!! I just snuggled it it was so adorable. I don't know why but the moment overtook me and I told Jim I wanted to post something on Facebook afterall. No, not in 3rd tri...tonight. Hmmm, yeah baby makes me crazy.

I only wanted to incorporate Jack and this onesie but couldn't think of any ideas so I totally ripped off pretty much every pregnancy announcement and posted this...

"A Rainbow Baby is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravage of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds.

Rainbow Baby Payne--- due April 5th"

I felt a little sick afterwards and couldn't tell if it was baby or my nerves. I think it was a little of both because I started feeling better seeing the outpouring of love from friends and family start coming in. As I type this blog post, the photo has only been live for an hour and there are over 100 people and counting (some don't even know us) that have "liked" the photo and 60 people and counting have commented.

Ahhhh  (a written scream....cant really scream ...Jim would think I'm a lunatic...moreso than he does already)

11 week check in

I had intended to post during the week since it was the anniversary of my 1st of many IVF cycles, but alas I got lazy and forgot :)

Anywho, its a little comical reading my blog posts from a few years ago. I was filled with so much hope and optimism. To have an ounce of that back would be wonderful. From all that I heard from anyone that had even gone through IVF, it was a one and done. I had just assumed that it would have been the same for me as well. Unfortunately, the blog still continues in September 2014 and Baby Payne is still not here. Life is funny that way and I'm having a struggle with getting past the "why me" feelings. I try not to let it creep in but its sneaky like that and before I know it I'm slamming the laptop shut in disgust. Ugly feeling I tell you, I don't like it at all.

Regardless, we're 11 weeks into this pregnancy and still hanging in there. Symptoms are pretty much the same but they're alternating days and/or severity. For instance, last week I ate like a pig but was ready for bed at 7pm. Driving home from work was a challenge as I was ready to fall asleep in the car. Then the last two days I haven't felt quite as tired but now I cant eat anything again and it makes me cry, LOL. I went to a Bachelorette Party last night and thought there was pizza at the first bar but there wasn't. I only had a bowl of cereal before I left and I was soooo hungry. We stopped into a Starbucks for a snack at least, I ordered a pretzel. One bite and I thought I was going to hurl. I ended up sharing my pretzel with the other girls and throwing a small bite left out. I was so upset because I was still so hungry!!!  By 10:45pm I knew I had to call it a night. I was getting tired but my hunger was overwhelming me! I cabbed it back to my car parked in the city and drove home anxious to make the buffalo chicken strips I had in my freezer. Mmmmm, smothered in ranch dressing it was all I could think about the hour drive home. When I got home, I realized they weren't strips and I had bought wings on accident. UGH , I hate wings!!!  But I was soooo hungry I made them anyways. One bite and again thought I was going to hurl. We're now talking about 6 hours of pure hangriness at this point. I texted Jim and, my hero, he stopped at White Castle for me and brought me home some sliders on his way home from a side job :)   Thankfully those were accepted by baby but unfortunately eating sliders at 1:30am isnt' the best thing to do before you go to sleep. I'm still burping up grease even after a handful of TUMS, lol. Silly baby you're always causing trouble :)

Here is my weekly pic.... 11 weeks on the dot! Sorry for the messy hair pic. I took this after I woke up this morning after "partying" with the Bachelorette.... At 11:30am, LOL

10 week check in!

Time is going so slow!!! I had a dream last night that I was 12 weeks today. When I woke up I was so confused... How many weeks am I?

I think my major bloat from last week was GI related . Without getting to TMI, I feel a lot better today and the Colace is working LOL

We are at my IL's today for a pre bday celebration for my MIL. Last year this time we were announcing Jack to the family. Today most people know already but Jim's relatives from Germany are here so it was fun telling them :)

Anywho here we are 10 weeks today!

Bad dream....first and hopefully (but not likely) the last

Last night I dreamt we had our baby, it was a girl. Only problem was she came at 23 weeks and 5 days, which is 2 days away from viability. In my dream our doctors were going to attempt to save her. I'm sure a baby that size would not be able to be held, but in my dream I was rocking her in the hospital and singing "Fighter" by Christina Aguilera and telling her to be a fighter.

So now I'm paranoid about 19weeks  AND 23w5d....great.

It doesn't help that my ankles have been a little swollen. Not balloons but just a little puffy. I don't like that at all....ankles stay normal here me? Paranoia is setting in big time. Also I think (I'm pretty sure) I have a UTI. ::sigh:: great....  I just left the OB, why couldn't symptoms start then instead of two days later?!? 

Speaking of things that are swollen....my belly, LOL  I know its just bloat but I feel like if baby keeps it up I'm going to be a 200lb'er when he/she gets here!!

Upside down baby

Today was our first OB appt. and thankfully we made it through in one piece. Honestly, it was really difficult sitting in that waiting room again plus I could hear a heartbeat on an ultrasound through the wall. All I kept thinking was the last time I was in that waiting room I was waiting on the OB to write me a note stating I was healthy enough in my pregnancy to board the cruise ship the following week. How ironic that she wrote that note stating I was in good health and my baby dies 2 weeks later and almost takes me with him. Life, what a crock sometimes.

Anywho... positive thoughts....

Finally they took me back into the room. The nurse began asking routine questions and then she came to something interesting. She says "So you had the loss at 20 weeks and then an early miscarriage as well right?"  Seriously? This again? So I had to go back into the whole long drawn out story about how I thought I was having chemical pregnancies but the RE's office "couldn't say for sure" and chalked it up to leftover hcg. Yet now....its still on my file. Even after they brought it up three times and three times I'd asked them to remove it, its still on my file. If its enough to stay on my file then why cant they call it a chemical to my face? Well... I know why, they think I'd sue them but seriously if that was the case delete that crap from the file!!! Don't send over information to the OB stating I've had an early miscarriage when you claim "You cant say for sure". Urgh. Seriously frustrating.

Sorry....got off the positive thoughts trail....I'm in a mood today, LOL


Doctor came in, did the ultrasound things look good :)   Baby was a few days behind but she is now 100% up to speed and measuring exactly 9w2d as she should!  Also, something funny....she's upside down!!!!

I asked if I could have the Panorama test done but apparently I'm too "low risk" to qualify. LOL, seriously. However, you have to be over 35 and have a history of a chromosome deletion, trisomy, triploidy, etc. otherwise insurance wont pay. Instead, we'll be doing the NT scan at 12 weeks and if that is abnormal they can offer us the Harmony test. We'll cross that bridge if we have to, hopefully everything just looks ok at the NT scan and we can call it a day. The orders were sent to the MFM for the NT scan and referral to see her so tomorrow I'll be calling their office and setting up that appointment. My OB said they only need to see me once a month the first three appointments and then depending on how things are going they may increase or maybe not. If baby has something wrong or I seem to be getting sick then they'd increase level of frequency. However, between the OB and MFM , I'll be at a doctor of some sort every other week.

Fine by me :)