9 week check in

9 weeks today!  Just for funsies I have Jack at 9 weeks compared to this baby at 9 weeks. Totally a girl... My little blumpy bump is even carrying different. I feel huge, even though I'm only bloated. I've got a long way to go!!!  :)

Not much going on over here, just finishing up my 2nd day of my 3 day weekend of doing nothing! I mean nothing! I've been on the couch for nearly 48 hours!  Today though I do have to go to Walgreens and pick up my Synthroid and Lovenox refills....still working on getting out the door.

At some point today or tomorrow I should do some laundry and possibly clean up the house a little....maybe, well see.

For now I'm going to do some "grocery shopping" on Peapod and call it a day well spent. Haha.

Today so far has been a good day for eating, so I'm trying to fit a lot of that in as well. It hasn't been too often that I actually want to eat so I have to take advantage of these moments. After a big chicken salad that Jim made me for lunch I really wanted ice cream. Seriously, I cant explain how happy I was that I wanted ice cream. I love ice cream but that container has been sitting there a week and I just couldn't do it. WTF baby, no ice cream?? LOL so today we had a nice big bowl to make up for lost time. I'm also really digging root beer lately and have had a craving for a root beer float.... mmmm, maybe later, haha.

Well that is about it. My first OB appt. is Tuesday so like 36ish hours. Getting nervous, eek.

Bloatzilla!!!

So things have simmered down a little (a little....) on the m/s front. I'm 8w3d today and have less than a week until my first OB appt. They are going to be sorry they took me back as a patient when they see the list I have been compiling. Haha. Basically I should/could summarize all my questions into TWO questions... "How many tests do you have available at 9 weeks?" and "Can I have them?"

So far, not only has this baby been a little ahead of Jack time wise with the hpt and betas, but now she's definitely gaining ground on the bloat front too. I compared pics from now vs Jack and I'm about the same size as my 10 week picture....so my blump is about 2 weeks ahead, oh boy! I texted this to a few people today, Jim included, HAHA!!


Rarrrrrr bloatzilla is attacking, LOL

The "How Many Kids Will You Have" quiz

I don't know how to answer the first question where it asks how many kids you have already. I answered one and based on my other responses the quiz told me I'd have two kids. So.... Jack and this baby. I don't know if they account for angel babies in that quiz so not sure if they're telling me I'm having two PLUS my Jack? Too confusing for this preggo mush brain, LOL


Today is 8 weeks and still chugging.... we started bump pictures at 4 weeks, haha silly I know but the bloat is coming back now so this week I actually look pregnant :)

In other news, LOL ....

Jack's FET/ 8 month birthday

And so we start the reminders of pregnancy with Jack...

August 23rd, 2013 was my transfer date that gave me my Jack. Jim and I had experienced nothing but failure for almost two years so we didn't know what we were getting into with this. All we did know was that research had showed the success rate for FET is high and we were excited to finally get a chance to try one.

One of these pretty embryos ended up becoming our son....which one? We can only wonder :)

 

 

Ironically Jack was transferred on August 23rd and born on December 23rd. Meaning that today is not only the one year anniversary of the first moment he came to me, its also been 8 months since he was taken away as well.

 

 

Its a stormy day and I find that most days that have special meaning between Jack and I are stormy. Almost like he wants to tell me he's sad he's not here too.

 

 

There isnt a day that goes by that I dont think of my baby. I feel guilty for this baby growing now that I think about Jack far more than him/her. I'm working on that to try and find a happy medium but its so hard when I'm still so focused on what I lost vs. what I have now. Every day is a battle....

 

 

Another internal battle I'm facing now is the fear that since I only got exactly 4 months with Jack, I'm dreading November 18th as now I feel like this baby will leave me too. Its so hard to be optimistic and happy when all you know is sorrow and fear. Sorry to be a downer but being pregnant after a loss, especially one so intense, is definitely a life lesson I could have done without. I wish I could go back to last year when I'd read stories on the message boards of 2nd/3rd tri losses or stillbirths. I'd think to myself how awful and I'm glad that doesn't happen that often. Until it does happen to you.

 

 

Anywho..... happy 8 month birthday and happy 8 weeks gestation to our rainbow. Kiddo, you and me have a ways to go.

Baby, baby

I keep getting this song stuck in my head, LOL time for a little 90s throwback for you!


So today was a big day... I was released from the RE! Baby still looking good with a hr of 147! My e2 levels are great again now that I'm back on the Estrace (over 900), p4 is >40 which is great too!
Last week has been tough because I'm trying to work overtime to catch up on missed work from vacation last week plus I lost 30 hours of pay so I need the extra cash to put back in our savings account. I'm exhausted by the end of a normal day NOT pregnant so imagine being twice as tired, queasy, dizzy AND work close to a 50 hour work week. Um yeah, I'm beat.

Thank goodness its the weekend....and Jim is home tomorrow, yay!

Oh yeah, almost forgot here is little beany! Not the best picture but the tech said baby was moving around too much to get a good picture. We've got a little hellion in there I think, haha :)

ISO wrench to shut off the water valve in my eyes....

I've never cried so much about the silliest things!!!  Oh pregnancy you're quite the comedian!!

Ok....tearing up because of a video about a hurt goat who was nursed back to health....acceptable.

Crying while listening to "Proud To Be An American" because...well, you're ARE just so darn proud....not acceptable.

Tear ducts, please get yourself in order this is getting out of hand!

Day two of bachelorette life...

I thought this wouldn't be much different since Jim's at work during the day/when I'm going to bed pretty much every night anyways. However, one small difference.... I know he's coming home soon even though I go to bed before he gets here. This week I'm by myself 100%. Don't get me wrong, I love having the whole bed to myself. Ahhhh, yes that is lovely. But its nice to have to share it too :)  I guess that means I like having the guy around, LOL

In other news, back to work tomorrow and not all that thrilled about facing a week of catch up work. I really might need to put some OT in just to get caught up but  (will discuss in next paragraph) somehow I think baby won't think that's a good idea. Should be interesting!

So yeah... I had asked to have morning sickness for this pregnancy. Yes, weird and crazy right? I said I wanted to be sick....not like puking all day or HG and in the hospital sick but just a normal pregnancy w/morning sickness. My wish came true :)  So you're probably thinking, who wishes for morning sickness? Well... a Mom who lost her son after a pregnancy with NO morning sickness that's who. I want to feel like this is different that my outcome isn't going to be the same. I want to be sick, I want to gain weight, I want fat ankles that AREN'T because my body is failing me....  I'm so happy I could puke!  Haven't done it yet (knock on wood) I can live without the puking but I'm very happy to be queasy most the day. Yay!

5-7weeks

The last two weeks have been pretty hectic so I hadn't been able to blog...although there wasn't much to say I guess either!

After my birthday, and day off, I spent the rest of the week furiously trying to work through the massive amount of things that needed to be done before I left on vacation. I'll be honest, I didn't get to a few things. Mainly because my computer crapped out halfway through my day on Friday. Awesome. Guess what? Its still not working a full week , plus, later even more awesome for me on Monday! Guess who won't be catching up anytime soon? Guess who else was told to limit stress and won't be giving a damn about it? Uh yeah, me.

Last weekend came at the perfect time, just before I had a mental breakdown, LOL. Saturday kicked off the weekend with the Jason Aldean/FGL concert with some coworkers and my friend Jen and her friends. We had tickets to the pre-concert tailgating event where they had dunk tank, airbrush tattoos, hamburgers and hot dogs and the coolest thing....life sized beer pong. We didn't get a chance to play beer pong because the same people kept hogging the board. Boo to them. The concert was fun but there were a lot of people and at one point my friend/coworker got lost and I had to take my friend Jen's husband to help to push through the crowd and find her. We did finally but what a fiasco! The music was great though and its always so nice to be sitting out on the lawn on a nice summer night listening to some country music :)

Sunday morning came on fast and I had to get up at the butt crack of dawn to catch a flight to see my parents. Jim dropped me off at the airport and so began my day long of traveling. I had an hour to wait for the first flight.... then an hour 15min flight ....an hour layover....and another hour 15 min. flight. Stupid Delta...I'm going Southwest or someone else that has direct flights next time that was insane. Luckily this time the weather was nice and there weren't troubles like last year.

My first day in town we didn't really do much since I got in late and its almost a 2 hour drive from Nashville to my parents house. Monday we went to Gatlinburg and walked around and did some shopping. The moonshine stores are unbelievable. I cant wait until next year when I can go back and take a few jugs home with me :)  Tuesday we went to Chattanooga which I really liked it there! We unfortunately missed the train I wanted to take so we decided to take a boat tour instead on the "Southern Belle" however, we didn't realize there was a timechange and were an hour late LOL. Instead we went up to Lookout Mountain and took in some scenic views and tidbits of Civil War history. I think Jim would really like it there....I've put it on the list of places to revisit. Wednesday my parents rented a pontoon boat and we spent the afternoon on the lake just chillin!

Pretty soon it was Thursday and I had to head back home. Sad. I left my parents house at 930am and got home in Chicago around 7pm. I was so tired but so hungry I made Jim stop for tacos at a place by where we used to live since it was on the way home. They sounded good but LO wasn't very happy with my meal choice. When I got home, I had a nice surprise waiting for me. Jim put together the crib!!!  We bought that crib for Jack just days before we left on our cruise and Jim was to paint the nursery and put it together when we returned....obviously that didn't happen. Since December its been in pieces leaning against the wall. It looks so nice all put together it made me cry....is this really happening, is this baby coming home?



Friday, yesterday, we had our second u/s at 6w5d. A little later than normal since I was gone but still ok. Baby still looking good and measuring on schedule. His/her hb is 105 which is just where they want it to be! After the u/s I met with their NP and she was surprised they had taken me off the Estrace and told me she would bet they'd have me back on it that day when my labs came back. Well, labs came back and my e2 went from 505 down to 100. Uhhhh, not good. I waited, and waited and waited and no call nor update on my portal so I'm thinking....am I not going back on Estrace? I couldn't sleep thinking about my e2 levels so first thing this morning I called the RE's office and sho nuff.... in the notes but never made it onto my portal so had I not called I'd be spending a week in blissful ignorance while my e2 kept dropping. Thank God I have some sense about me when it comes to this kind of stuff. So anywho...back on the Estrace   :/

Yesterday evening, Jim left for HIS vacation. I only got about 24 hours to spend with him and he's away until next weekend. He went with his dad, brother and brother's friend to Canada to go fishing so probably no cell signals so not only is this the longest now we've ever gone without seeing each other but its also the longest we'll go without speaking to each other in nearly 6 years! I'm a little discombobulated today :(  Although, I did make good use of my first day alone. I researched healthy eating meal plans and ordered some groceries on Peapod (I don't have anyone to carry in the food!) , put together a gift for a bridal shower tomorrow, and cleaned the house. Speaking of which.... I don't know how much longer I can clean clean the house. It took me twice as long because I was so tired and I'm exhausted now. I feel this is justification for a house cleaner....My neighbor said she'd do it. FX Jim says yes, LOL

That's all for now....just chugging along and 7 weeks tomorrow. Next appt. is Friday and that will be my last RE appt. before being turned over to the OB and becoming a "normal" pregnant woman. I put quotes around that because I'm so far from a normal pregnant woman at this point!!

I'm having issues putting pictures in this post so I may come back later and edit.

I'm such a baby, yeah the dolphins make me cry....

Yes, I'm quoting Hootie and the Blowfish....  yes , the dolphins (and beluga whales) at the Shedd Aquarium made me cry....and yes.... I'm pregnant again.

I've held off on posting this until at least Jim and my parents were told. Obviously from Jack's pregnancy we don't wait until 12 weeks to tell our parents so we're following suit with this one. Although most of our family knew soon after our first and second betas, we still held off with telling the virtual world until my Facebook announcement at 12 weeks. This pregnancy though, I don't want to wait any longer than I have to to tell people about this baby. I want as many moments and opportunities to enjoy and appreciate this life as long as I have it with me....hopefully full term happy healthy and can come home to grow up, but if not at least we've celebrated his/her existence to the fullest of our abilities. I wont be , however, making an "official" post on Facebook. If you're reading this, don't worry about hiding any baby related comments they wont be removed. Its not a secret but its not being overly publicized.

So this pregnancy....

Last year with Jack, I started getting positives at 4dp5dt which is super early. You can imagine my surprise back then when my beta was only 31!! This time, I intended to wait but when I woke up at 1:30am Tuesday morning (also 4dp5dt this cycle ) having to pee so bad I just knew it worked. So, I went to Walgreens and tested when I got home.

 

Kind of a squinty but compared to last year at 4dp5dt this one was soooo much darker!!  Then, the next day 5dp5dt was much darker than last years tests too!! Just go back into my blog history of August 27th and August 28th and you'll see!!

 

 Then at 6dp5dt, a day earlier than last year, I got a positive digital test!!

Saturday I was off work thankfully my beta was a weekend.... and #1 came back at a whopping 120! I'm done peeing on sticks, mainly because I ran out but also because I don't want to get too obsessed about this like usual.

I calmly waited it out for beta #2 on Monday....and it was 260!  Not quite as impressive of a doubling time as Jack but still it was 43 hours which is better than the 2-3 days that they're looking for. All the nurses said, wow those are great betas!!  So if they're happy I'm happy.

My first ultrasound was yesterday, which is also my 33rd birthday. This is all so unreal I'm still not really believing this is happening again. Maybe because with Jack I was only used to negative results that I didn't have faith the FET would work. My hands were shaking when I got that first squinty line. This time, poor baby, I was just kinda like, "Boom, there's my line". This whole time going through the process for FET #2 I just "knew" it would work so maybe I just wasn't surprised when I got that line.

Now baby (ies), you're coming home. I don't care what you or Jack or God says...I'm your momma you listen to ME!!!


Some weird things about this cycle vs Jack

• I have the same ticker change date (Sunday) since both FETs were on Fridays
• I started bcp on Jack's 6 month birthday
• My Lupron for this FET started the same day my stims for last year's IVF (where frosties came from)
• The day of FET #2 was the same day I started Lupron for Jack's FET
• Last year I had a friend w/twins 4 weeks ahead , I have a friend this time who lost twins when we lost Jack who is now also pregnant again 4 weeks ahead same ticker change date as my friend with twins.
• I scheduled my first OB appt. and its the same day as beta #2 was last year
• I was due on Mothers Day w/Jack and on Easter for this baby

So far the only symptom that is pretty constant (occasionally peeing a lot...not every day, and little waves of nausea)  is the baby brain. I'm pretty consistently a walking airhead. I've left my phone at home, left my Endometrin at home (luckily I usually have an extra in my purse), left my security card to get INTO work AT work and was locked out, I've refrigerated my Endometrin on accident, left the freezer door open, and had a lot of trouble last weekend attempting to unlock the car door. LOL. The force is strong with this one!!!

A pre-birthday getaway weekend

My MIL's friend has a house in South Haven that she lets people borrow so as an early birthday vacation, Jim and I decided to spend the weekend there! The house was HUGE, like bigger than our home huge, and really close to beaches. If you haven't been to South Haven, its a really cute beach town that has lots of little shops in the downtown area to walk around and look at. They had an amazing farmers market going on so we brought home some peaches, plums, blueberries, and cherries. Saves me a trip to Jewel too :) So yesterday (Saturday) we shopped and hung out and today (Sunday) we went to the beach for a little bit then headed home. Coming home was a nightmare.... construction everywhere, roads closed, detours, roadblocks you name it. A two hour drive took about five!!!  I'm sooooo tired....I'm going to bed soon after finishing this blog!!!

First...here are some pictures of our weekend from the family website!