Welcome 2013!

My poor husband had to work a double tonight due to a change in shift from afternoons to midnights so I almost didn't get to see him....almost :)

The day started off pretty crummy and I was upset that it was going to lead the way for 2013....sick and sad. I had a killer migraine that started after I got home from the RE's office and wouldn't let up. I was going to a friend's house for a NYE party and I actually told her I wasn't going to be able to make it. However, around 5pm I started feeling better and thought if I didn't get off the couch and go to this party I'd be sorry I stayed around on the couch when I felt ok. So that is what I did. I got up...made a dish...made some cookies....showered and got ready and left. After all that, I was only 45min. late. Pretty impressive :)

Unforunately, I'm adding another funny location to my injection location as I had to bring my meds with me to the party tonight. Here I am after they were done... I had my friend take my picture, LOL

 

 

After my injections, all of us girls played that dance game on Xbox Kinect. It is a NYE tradition with us that we "battle" each other. Even though I'm only on my 4th night of stims I was worn out fast!! My stomach is all crampy but I think its ok...there's nothing in there yet!! It was soooo much fun, I always look forward to get togethers with those friends :)

 

 

What made the night extra special was getting a midnight kiss from my love. There were even fireworks going off for the New Years so it made it such a romantic and surreal moment. Even though so simple, this is by far been the best NYE of my life :)

 

I'm ready for you 2013...lets see what ya got!

Last 1st Monitoring appointment!! (hopefully...LOL)

Just to show you how teensy tiny I was....here is a picture of me and some classmates in 1st grade. Its never hard to spot me in a picture because I'm always the smallest, but if you're having trouble finding me I'm in the row standing, second from the end on the right. I know you can't see how tall the kids are that are kneeling but I guarantee you they're about the same as the ones I'm standing with.

Such was my life back then. One teacher's aide actually told me my parents should try tying my arms and legs to the bed posts in hopes that it stretched me out. I ran into that teacher years later and literally first words out of her mouth, "You grew!!" I said, "Yes I did...turns out I had Growth Hormone Deficiency and had to take injections every day for 5 years to get this tall. Weird huh?" She was quiet after that, LOL Its true what they say, "Be kind; for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle".

Anywho....today was my first monitoring appointment. Not much going on but that is to be expected since its only been 3 nights of the meds. However, my e2 is at 228 so yay! Going back on Wednesday for my next appt and we'll see what happens from there. Wednesday also starts my Tev Tropin injections....eeeps :)

We have a bleeder!!!!!

This is my 100th POST!!!!  Here's hoping we don't reach another 100 without turning this into a pregnancy blog!!!

 



 

 

 

And on with the blog....

 

 



This is me being sad...LOL

I don't know why but all my shots were bleeders yesterday. I'm totally fine with other people's blood but I really hate seeing my own. I was a little freaked out.

Other than that, my 12 hour blocks of time aren't working as planned. My husband works 3-11pm and since I'm off work I've been waiting up for him. Consequently, I've been going to bed really late and both yesterday and today I've slept through my Lupron alarm. Yesterday wasn't so bad, and I made up for it with my night shots, taking them an hour later. However, this morning I didn't wake up until 10:15am. OMG!!!  I need a louder alarm, LOL

At any rate, two nights down. Next week this time I should be nearly done. Oh, I can't wait!!!! Tomorrow is my first monitoring appointment although I doubt there will be much to see since its only after 3 nights of meds....we'll see!!

My Last first night!!!! ....better be!!

My furbaby is super excited can you tell??  She kept stretching out and hitting me with her paws while I was trying to draw up my meds last night. Almost like she was saying, "I'm your baby put the needles down!!"

Anywho...the first night is always the worst. I literally was staring at the clock until it got to 7:30pm when I had to start drawing up my meds. I couldn't make myself get up off the couch. Finally I had to bribe myself with ice cream. Usually 8pm-ish is when I have a little night time snack so I told myself, "Self?!...no ice cream until injections. That worked pretty good :)

My skin seems to have developed a resistance to the needles between my last cycle and now. I actually heard a crunch when I injected the first shot, LOL not even kidding you , I was like, "WTF was that?!?"  I heard it again this morning when doing my Lupron and Lovenox injections, omg.

Anywho....the first night is done and now that is one less night that I have to take injections. Count is now at 131 injections...woot woot!!

I'm on IVF-cation!!!

Since I'm being forced into taking the entire cycle off work without pay, I might as well make use of my time. Somehow I feel that my boss will still try and convince me to fill in places that require lifting like she did last cycle...she's sneaky like that so I better leave my phone off for the next two weeks :)

Today is day 1 of my IVF-cation and I'm so excited. Stims start tonight and I'm still trying to decide what time blocks I'd like to do them. The Lupron has to be 12 hours apart and I think its silly to take it at night, only to have to take 2 other shots a few hours later so I like them to be grouped together. I'm thinking of 8am and 8pm. Not too early and not too late plus it will allow me to sleep in a bit without wasting my day. So having decided that, there is 4 hours left of normalcy before we start adding to my injection count. When we last left off in November, I was up to 127 fertility related injections. I'm assuming after this cycle I should be closer to 190 injections. Considering the HGH and PIO being added in...it all depends on how many nights I stim. Wish me luck ;)

Oh and also, yesterday I found out that I'm in fact D-ficient. My RE would like Vitamin D over 30 and mine was 27. I've been on the prenatal vitamins which have a pretty decent amount of things like Vit.D so I'm wondering what my levels were before I started the vitamins!! Its been under 10 before because of the fact that I'm a sun hater, live in Chicago, and have endocrine issues, I'm doomed to have low VitD. I need more milk....maybe I'll get Hershey's syrup to go with it, that could convince me to drink more :)

Ok well, I'll update as I go but that is all for today!

Drinking all the K-cups today!!!!!!!

 

LADEEDA LADEEDA LADEEEDAAAAAAA....that is what my alarm sounds like. Its a little MIDI file on my cell phone. Its annoying to read that, imagine having it sounding in your ear at 4:30am. Today is an important day though so I made my lazy ass get out of bed. Today was my baseline u/s and b/w for what will hopefully, hopefully, hopefully (please dear God) be my last IVF cycle. Lucky #3, heyyyyyy!!!

 

 

With today being smack dab in between two holidays, I didn't expect anyone to be on the road and I was correct with my assumption. It was smooth sailing down 355 to 55 to LSD. There was only one other person in line with me for u/s and I've only seen that one other time in nearly a year so I guess we're the lone cyclers around these parts, LOL.

 

 

Today I had the usual e2 and p4 drawn but I've also asked my RE to check my Vitamin D. Studies have shown that Vit.D deficiency can lead to implantation failure. I've had consistently low Vit.D my whole life. It's usually kept at a normal level with a daily multi vit. but I haven't had it checked in nearly 2 years. With the issues we've been having it couldn't hurt to check...plus I have a whole bottle of supplements that are still good!

 

My RE's nurse called and said e2 and p4 are good and lining is thin so I'm good to start stims, hurray!!! Only thing is that, with the NY holiday they won't allow cycles to start until tomorrow. Even though I specifically picked today to start to avoid having the first monitoring appt. on NYD, they have it set up that way. Sooooo....I'm starting tomorrow night and will have my first appt. on NYE as originally planned but it will be only after 3 nights of stims. Whatever, no big deal :)

I'm just happy to start up again. Today , tomorrow, whatever.... Vit.D still hasn't come back yet so when I go back for my first appt. on Monday they'll tell me if I need to take the supplements or not.





Here I am, enjoying one of the last cups of caffeine hopefully until October 2013....hopefully ;)

Got the migraines so AF is legit

I can tell my e2 will be next to nothing tomorrow based on the fact that I've had 3 migraines in less than a week. Fun stuff!! Good thing tomorrow starts stims because that will be the only thing to make the migraines go away!!

Other than that, AF has been wonky. I started spotting on Saturday night and by Sunday morning it was gone. I thought that was strange but perhaps it was just getting started. Sunday night, spotting again and gone on Monday morning. Monday night spotting and gone on Tuesday....then Christmas I thought it had to have been gone for sure so I went to Christmas dinner at my IL's house without a pad and wouldn't you know? It came back. This whole time its been just spotting which drives me crazy to have to waste a pad on it. I've also got a crater face, which hasn't happened in quite awhile. All of these things put together I'm hoping will give my cycle the best odds since its following a true cyclical pattern this time.

Tomorrow morning I'll be going downtown for my baseline u/s and b/w and I don't see why there would be a hold up on starting tomorrow so that should be day1 of meds for me!! This past month has gone by so fast and I can't believe #3 is here tomorrow morning already!! I'm very anxious to get this started and done with and hope to keep a shred of sanity this month. Honestly, even though I have my CCRM consult scheduled on the 25th, I'm scared of having another BFN after doing all these things to improve my odds. After all this, what more will CCRM do? I'm freaking out over freaking out....lord help us all!!

Its a Festivus Miracle!!!

My last Prometrium pill was this morning. I normally would have taken the pill around 5pm but tonight the only pills I took were the CoQ10, DHEA, and prenatal vitamins. So, my body was in withdrawal and I had hoped that tomorrow something would happen however, tonight by 8pm, spotting!!!  It only took 3 hours to bring AF on, Yay!!! So funny how for the past few months seeing my period would make me cry...now maybe I do want to cry but tears of joy!!! We're all set to go....starting this crazy stuff up again in T-Minus 5 days (give or take a few hours because its midnight on Saturday).

Lupronnnnnnnn!

Finally got it, woohoo!!!  My little collection of ovulation inducing drugs is complete and we made it in 10 days short of the deductible and out of pocket starting up again. This shipment alone would have cost us $1600...which ironically would have hit our deductible AND max out of pocket the very first month of the year, LOL gotta love IF

Sorry...just thought this was funny..

This is what I say to IF....

Battle of the Stoopids!!!

Cigna vs. Avilla....and go!!

Well...long story short I'm getting my Lupron tomorrow. Once I called Avilla and told them that Cigna Specialty Pharmacy told me there was no auth on my Lupron....and suggested it might be under prescription not medical....seems like it was filled immediately with no issue. I was put on hold and someone else came onto the line and said, "We're shipping this to you today, you're right there is no auth needed!" I was like WTF?!? So if I wasn't used to this process I might not have any idea and have waited a month for this compound OR....god forbid....maybe even just paid out of pocket.

Stoopid I tell ya....Stooooopid.  Yes I know how to spell stupid but its more emphatic to spell it stoopid :)

Anywho...I counted wrong and tomorrow morning is the last Prometrium pill. I'm feeling AF-y, woohoo!! Tonight, I was all excited to go do karaoke with a friend of mine. I was fininshing up dinner and my third cider when I realized I didn't take my supplements. Well....3 ciders and 9 pills don't mesh well. I'm ok now I'm stationary and the room isn't quite spinning just now. When I move though, thats another story. Ugh....so much for karaoke, LOL

Who knows if I'll blog again around the holidays so if not, then Happy Holidays blog readers!!

Woot woot, time to shed the ute!!

Well...just the lining obviously I need the ute but it rhymed so nice I couldn't resist.

Its official....the AF gods have been summoned!! Tomorrow is my last Prometrium pill and so I went to my miracle worker of a Chiropractor for a pelvic adjustment which has always brought AF on the next day. We'll see...hopefully it works because I'd like to get started up on Thursday next week.

Eeeek!!!  6 more days of normalcy. "Sleeping in" (until 5:30am instead of 4am), no blood work, no vag cams, no stabby needles, and no crazydid (Jim's pet name for me on stims).

I'm battling with the insurance company over my Lupron compound and they're irritating me big time. Cigna transferred the compound to Avilla to fill but Avilla says that Cigna needs at least 30days to authorize the medical necessity of the medication. Which is weird, since this is the third time its been filled and no one cared before. I called Cigna Specialty Pharmacy to see if they could figure out the problem. They said that the Lupron compound is listed with "No auth. needed" so the fact that they're saying 30days are needed is bull crap and it should have been sent days ago. So I called Avilla and left a voicemail (of course) to let my contact person know that they need to ship the Lupron ASAP and there is no auth needed so they better check with Cigna again. I have a sneaky suspicion she is trying to bill it under pharmacy/prescription plan despite the fact that I've told her a few times now that its under my medical plan. Ugh, super frustrating!!

Also, my MIL's friend who lives in town might be helping give me my PIO shots along with a friend of mine who lives nearby too. At this point, I'm like whatever when it comes to this IVF stuff. Just someone give me the shot, I dont care who knows why I need it anymore. Why bother? LOL

Anywho, thats all I've got for now I suppose!

Ho Ho Ho....Merry Christmas

 

Look what came in the mail today!!! Well...minus the Lupron compound....this is all my meds for #3

 

 

Hey its like an early Xmas present, woot woot!!! Something about getting 1.5 inch needles in the mail for Christmas though makes me a little nauseous, LOL



Nothing like fertility meds and beer....what a combo!!  When we had our Housewarming Party (since we had a box or two left over of Menopur) so I asked my friend (who knows of our IF struggles) if she'd like a beer, some wine, ....fertility cocktail??? Hey who doesn't want to spontaneously ovulate.... if so I had some spare needles, LOL good thing she has a sense of humor....of course, if she didn't she wouldn't be my friend :)

Today my boss pretty much told me for the most part that if this IVF cycle doesn't work I'm without a job. Nothing like a little pressure the week before starting stims right?!? At any rate, after lunch today I got a migraine. While I wasn't happy to get a migraine, at least its a sign that AF will be coming soon ...I Hope

I'm just a girl and I'm on fireeeeeeee!!!



I'm totally getting into that pumped mode where songs aren't making my cry their making me want to take that kickboxing class and punch the bag and say "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU IF.....I'm gonna kick your ASSSSSSS!!!!"

Rawr!

Biopsy Done!!

Had my biopsy today and boy am I glad that is over!!! Not fun at all!!!

If that will increase my chances of pregnancy this round though bring it on....that coupled with the supplements (btw, I took 11pills today,LOL) , the growth hormone, and Assisted Hatching I'm going to have a breakdown if we aren't pregnant next month this time.

I also met with the IF counselor and she suggested I journal. Not like the blog here where anyone can see but something that is just for me to let out all my anger and frustration without upsetting anyone that might read and/or be offended. I like that idea because even though this is a great way to get my thoughts out I still have to be censored, but a journal doesn't require censorship. It was a great hour chat and I think its just what I needed. She told me I wasn't crazy for wanting to stay in my pajamas for a week...apparently that is normal as long as I pick myself back up. Good to know :)

My insurance company has sent out my Lupron to a separate pharmacy to be filled so tomorrow I'll be calling them to sort out that delivery plus setting up the other meds. deliveries. As soon as AF arrives(should be within a week I hope!), we will be starting up IVF #3. Hopefully this is lucky #3!

Our Housewarming Party...still in one piece

Battling IF is all about small victories and I think that today may be considered one of them.

Jim and I had a bunch of family and friends over today for a Housewarming/Bears vs. Packers game (YAY GBP!!!) and so we wound up having a pretty decent amount of people over. Including two of my friends from High School who have two small children around age 5. A friend of Jim's came by with her 9 month old baby and last but not least, Jim's friend from High School and his pregnant wife were here. With all the children and future children around me I behaved like a normal human being and I'm super excited about it. I was polite and had a smile on my face and <gasp> held the baby!!

My cousin was at the party too and on one tour of the house, we came to my "junk room" which was going to be a nursery, then a yoga room, then now I just don't feel like doing anything. She says "Oh a nursery!!" and then tells the other lady about how I ruined family tradition about having a baby every 10 years. My birthday is 1981...my one 2nd cousin is 1991...and my other 2nd cousin is 2001....so I was the likely candidate for a 2011 baby but FAILED!!!  No, she really didn't say that that way, LOL but thats kinda how it felt to me. Oh well, I just laughed and brushed it off and nervously changed the subject. I figured if I didn't break down in tears at that moment then I'd be ok the rest of the day....and I was :)

Tomorrow is the biopsy and counselor appt. and I can't wait to tell her about how I was a nice person today!! Yay!!

My first Resolve meeting

At Jim's request, I've made an appointment to see the IF counselor on Monday after my biopsy and also as of today I've attended my first Resolve meeting.

For those who are unaware of what Resolve is, its an organization dedicated to bringing awareness about infertility to the public. They also have support groups strategically placed around the state of Illinois so that you can attend and meet other women going through similar issues.

The closest meeting is in Plainfield and so back in July, I had emailed the leader and asked if I could attend. We spoke on the phone and I gave her my story (which was a lot less troublesome in July) and she said that I'd fit in and they'd be happy to have me be a part of their group. Well...they meet the 2nd Saturday of each month and I'm not sure what happened but each month since July something came up...even right down to in November I had my ER the day before the meeting and I was in noooo mood to be leaving the house. So this month, since I've been especially out of this world crazy, my husband begged me to finally go. That I did.

The meeting is held in the old part of Plainfield and I've always liked that part of town (I used to live their briefly...but THAT is for another blog, LOL). Today's meeting was centered on the holidays and a pastor came in to have a spiritual talk and candle lighting ceremony with us. We each lit one interlocking candle and said something we would like to light the candle for (loss, failed cycle, etc.) and then lock it with another already lit candle. I lit mine for the loss of myself, as I feel like each passing month without pregnancy I'm losing a little spark in my flame so to speak. It was really emotional but the meeting got better once we went back to our meeting room and had treats!!! Someone made Oreo balls...OMG, love them!

At any rate, even though I know there are other ladies out there with similar issues, it was nice to sit around a circle and just vent. Lord knows Jim is sick of hearing about it. I'm hopeful that my upcoming IVF cycle doesn't interfere with the January meeting so that I can go again.

I'm also looking forward to meeting with the IF counselor at Northwestern. It will be nice to get a professional person's outlook on my feelings. Originally I thought I'd only be able to meet with her the one time, since she only works M-Thurs until 4pm and I work M-F until 3pm and can't get downtown in time. However, since the woman I work for is unable to fill in for my monitoring appointments, it looks like I'm going to have to take my entire IVF cycle off. So, I guess I'll be able to see the counselor a few more times afterall. Yay for mental health but boooo for no money coming in from me (like it was all that much to begin with, LOL)

After my biopsy and IF appt. (and some Michigan Ave. shopping in between, heehee) , I'll be sure to update the blog again!!

Laters!!

Plan B in the works

Ok, ok, ok....I'm trying to stay optimistic that this cycle will work. However, how many times can you see something fail and not think in the back of your mind, "What will I do next?"

With that in mind, I've narrowed down my options for 2nd opinions should this IVF#3 be another BFN (but please dear lord don't let it be!!!!). I originally thought I'd go to the clinic in Naperville and see Dr. Morris before going out of state. Buuuut, lets just go balls walls and pull the big guns out right away. Therefore, I've already made an appointment for a phone consultation on January 25th with one of the REs at CCRM.

My cousin cycled with them and absolutely loved them. She's asked if she can help me prepare for my consultation and I'm thinking I might take her up on that. My parents go snowbirding for the winter and so my mother, who is an RN and my IF rock o'knowledge, is gone and unable to help me prepare and be present for the consult. It would be nice to have someone and it doesn't hurt that she is a close female relative who has been through the depression sadness and heartache of countless BFNs through IVF herself.

Anywho, like I said its January 25th. Since I'm already starting my Prometrium I should be cycling soon and if all goes accordingly I'll know before the 25th if its a YAY!!! or a Naaaaaaaay!! Either way if its a BFP the consult is cancelled no harm no foul. If its a BFN again, at least I know I only have to wait a week or so before getting a call from an RE at a major fertility clinic in the U.S. That would most definitely help me keep my shit together.

But of course, we're all hoping for the best and hopefully I get to cancel that consult in a few weeks :)

Two-ish more weeks!! Eeeks!!

Its somewhat starting to sink in with every "X" I draw over the days on my calendar.....time is moving quickly and my soon to be last IVF cycle is rapidly approaching!!!

I've been chatting with the IVF coordinator yesterday and today about ordering my meds. In addition, my RE said I can start taking the Provera before my biopsy on Monday. That is great news because it means I can start sooner than anticipated if I want to! :)  Haha, thats a funny sentence...start IVF sooner than I wanted to. I've NEVER wanted to!!  LOL

I'm prepping my insides for the maelstrom about to occur....the pep talk goes something like this... "I swear to god body, I will continue to pump you full of crazy ass hormones month after month until you produce a baby. YOUR CHOICE!!!"  I've never been all that persuasive so hopeful threat tactics work!!

Why do I do this to myself? LOL

Spent all night Googling "PIO injections"....totally freaking myself out.

Could I be the female Weird Al of IF?

Seems like every song I hear on the radio I start changing the lyrics around in my head. Like....Apologize from One Republic...I found myself singing along, "Its too late to be fertilized....it's tooooo laaaaaate". On top of that, I had planned on video taping my version of "Call Me Maybe" to announce my pregnancy to Facebook (if the song is still heard of by that time, LOL). It got me thinking, there are a lot of other songs that could make other people laugh and sing along maybe too. I'm making a list of songs I'd like to "rewrite". Feel free to comment with your own suggestions. Here's what I have so far:

Trouble- Taylor Swift

Come On- Ke$ha

Apologize- One Republic

Hold On- Wilson Phillips

Gives You Hell- All American Rejects (I think!?)

Never Getting Back Together- Taylor Swift

Funny video...IF competition, LOL

#696 Do you come to this Reproductive Endocrinologist Often?

Sono? CHECK!

Thank god that is done....one awful thing down one awful thing left.

I'm glad that I was forced into taking the day off because I felt fine during the procedure and all the way home...but once I got home, BOOM, cramps. Ugh! I'm spotting like AF as well which is unusual. Stupid body, why do you have to be different everytime?!?

At any rate, I treated myself to an Au Bon Pain croissant ...(I didn't take this picture...Google stock)

Since I was there so early, might as well! I was taken back pretty quick and the nurse asked for a urine sample because they had to do a pregnancy test before the procedure. I just laughed and said "Oh ok...sure I'll pee in the cup". Even if there was a chance for a BFP , it wouldn't have been today since AF just arrived 10 days ago. How am I going to get KU and have a BFP in 10 days?!? Whatever, I just peed in the cup. The nurse said, "Nope, not pregnant....sorry!". I laughed again...don't be sorry now be sorry if the next round fails, LOL

After my not so disappointing BFN, I hopped up on the table. My RE had an entourage with her today and the fellow was the one performing the SIS while she supervised. I'm fine with that except I'm pretty fragile...LOL j/k ...but no really, the speculum is always what hurts and OUCH! she just jammed that thing in there! Phew! The procedure wasn't too bad...a little cramping. I squirmed a little and then it was over. My RE looked over the scan and thankfully there's nothing unusual so systems are still a go so far! The only thing unusual was that my lining is starting to build itself!! OMG!! That doesnt happen so I don't know what to make of it. However, this actually may work in my favor because I had a theory that the lining was "too old" for an embryo to implant since I do a round without a period due to my low e2 levels. Now, I'm actually being advised to have a period first, YAY! So...biopsy is on the 17th (two weeks from today) and that day I'll start my Provera so that AF should arrive by the end of December, right when I wanted to start my cycle. Perfect!! :)

They also checked my thyroid today and it was 2.1 which is good in their book. Its a little higher than it normally is but I haven't been the best about taking my Synthroid. I refill prescriptions on Walgreens online and for some reason only the 25mcg script was listed.....but I'm on 50mcg. Basically, I've been using up refills on the 25mcg and taking two but there (who knows why) are only 22 in a bottle so it only lasts me 11 days and Cigna won't refill the script that quick! Technically, my TSH is probably a little lower :)   They're calling in a 50mcg script for me so I won't have that issue any longer....plus they're giving me a 90 day supply. YAY!!

The IVF nurse called to tell me about my thyroid levels and she also mentioned that the Embryology Lab agreed that AH would be a good option for us. I'm really excited about that....this HAAAAAAAAAAS to work with all the awesome new things we're doing!!!  I'll be on Growth Hormone, DHEA, CoQ10....having a biopsy.....doing AH....and tomorrow I'm setting up my accupuncture appointments for the time around stims and ER/ET.

Typing this blog just now has totally excited me about this round. Its gonna work, its gonna work, IT'SSSSSSSS GONNAAAAAAAAAA WORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRK! However....I still feel the urge to squirt some holy water up my who ha....weird.  LOL

Its December....Yessssssssssss!

Its December and you know what that means??? Less than a month until we start up IVF #3!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

Sono tomorrow and that will check off one thing on my list o'fun before stims. I'm strangely  and oddly excited about having the biopsy done...and this dog seems to think it'll be ok....

 

But in all seriousness...I'm not excited to actually have it done but I am excited about what I'm reading. Seems there have been studies done to show an increase in pregnancy after a biopsy. Something about the damage to the ute causing an increase in blood flow to repair it and the embryo may be more attracted to the newly created tissue instead of the old crusty stuff around it?!?  Beats me, if it works pluck away RE, Pluck. aaaaa.way.

Anywho....if all goes accordingly we have 27 days of normalcy left. I feel like I should write a IF song like the 30 days of IVF.

On the 1st day of IVF my RE said to me....throw away the sticks on which you pee...LOL nerd I know.



Something to hype me up....yeeeeeeah!!! LOL

I dont know what about this song that gets me hyped.....the beat or the lyrics telling you not to worry that heaven has a plan??  Either way....I'm getting my jam on.

This is me dancing....

I have evil eggs....that must be it, LOL

New Girl episode

Bitter infertile warning....

My BIL's fiance's SIL....yeah draw a map for that one....just had a baby and she has now been married....ohhhh, 4 months?!? No, not a case of bad math. Well the pics are posted on Facebook and despite the fact that she had a big flower on her head (omg , I loooooooove that) she's just a baby. I'm kinda happy about that, and comments like that are the reason why I'm getting so good at being a bitter infertile and I hate that I hate everyone. I even told Jim that I have started hiding people on Facebook that just got engaged because thats just one more person that will be pregnant before we are.

When I do get pregnant, fair warning....I want a party, not a shower. This baby will be celebrated like no other in this family believe you me. If I think its falling into the "just another shower" category, I will cry....a loud, ugly hormonal cry, LOL....no one wants to see that.

Ok, thats all for now. Oh yeah and I'm looking forward to my sono on Monday.....said no one ever.

The best period ever

Apparently my 3 days of spotting is all that I'm getting this month. Yes I have this ridiculous migraine like headache that will not go away in a week but I haven't had any cramping and just the three days of spotting...no real "flow".  I went into the RE's office this morning so she could scan me and find out what was going on, but there's nothing going on. My 9mm lining that I had at ER is now gone!! She said maybe it just took the spotting to shed the lining but everything looked great. Whatevs!

So I scheduled my saline ultrasound on Monday afternoon and my biopsy to follow 2 weeks later on the 17th. Provided both come back with no issues, I should be good to go to start my stims after Christmas. I'm aiming for a December 29th start date but we'll see! Fingers crossed all systems are a go!

I'm going to order all my meds in December so then after my two procedures and med order, the only thing that will be applied towards my deductible and then max OOP will be the monitoring appointments, bloodwork, retrieval, and transfer. Hopefully that will alleviate the massive bills we got slammed with at once last year. We did hit the max OOP with one order of medication so its kinda tough bullet to bite at once. Its a little easier to spread things out a bit.

Ok...well I'll be back next week probably (unless I find something new and unusual to blog about) after my Saline U/S with an update on how it went!!

Northwestern gets a third chance

I like to have plans for things....it makes it easier to cope. My plan to cope with IVF #2 failing was to try and imagine different scenarios on proceeding. As previously mentioned, I came to terms with giving my RE a third cycle if she came up with a change of protocol. If the protocol was the same, then I'd go for a second opinion. However, after today's WTF phone call, the protocol was different and sounded great to me so I'm giving them another chance.

Before I'm allowed to cycle again, I need to have a Saline Ultrasound. Saline Ultrasound --More in Detail  followed by an Endometrial Biopsy...both will need to be at least a month before my next cycle begins. Endometrial Biopsy --More in Detail . Both of these things, while unpleasant, I've read about online and was wondering/hoping would be done for me to make sure things are as they should be. No sense in trying to consistently hope for embryos to implant if the lining sucks, right?!

On the topic of my lining sucking, AF has given me this monstrous headache but besides spotting 3 days, nothing else. I had no cramps, and no full flow. Tomorrow, I'll have to trek downtown so my RE herself can do an ultrasound to see what's going on.

So....my new protocol. The stims will be the same....MDL twice a day, Follistim, Menopur (and of course my Lovenox) , but she will be adding in Saizen, a Growth Hormone, starting on day7 and continuing for 2-4 days. Apparently this is supposed to help the quality of the egg...considering I have already been on GH twice in my life, I'm really happy to hear she's putting me on it in conjunction with my IVF cycle. Also, she has recommended DHEA and CoQ10 supplements starting now along with my Prenatals. She said that the EPP would not be a good choice for me since it only helps improve quantity, not quality, which I've had no trouble producing eggs just not good quality ones. In addition, since I have bled through the progesterone suppositories twice, it's her recommendation to be on the PIO injections instead. A big ass shot. Oh boy.

At any rate, I'm pleased with this chance in protocol and I'm going to give it a whirl. Tomorrow I'm going to ask to schedule my Saline u/s and Biopsy and hopefully I can order my meds for IVF #3 within the month so they are covered, before the deductible and Max OOP kicks back in January.

Oh almost forgot, I asked about AH and PGD. She's going to talk to the Embryologist and see what his thoughts are and let me know. I hope they think it'll help....maybe not the PGD, but the AH I'd imagine would help for sure. But they're the professionals not me, haha.

WTF tomorrow, YAY!

I emailed my RE a list of questions and she's calling me tomorrow to discuss. That will probably be a detailed conversation...at least I hope. I'm hopeful she has some insight for me that makes me feel comfortable with another cycle at the hospital. I'm a creature of habit and don't deal well with change. I'm so used to the way things go at Northwestern it'd be tough for me to get used to another office...especially in another state and/or city. I'll deal but I wont like it, LOL

Other than that, I'm over my funk and I know that I'm ok with proceeding for round 3. Having the month off in between is a good thing for my mind, body, and soul. I'm not quite at the "excited" stage, that usually comes the week of the stims. However, I'm entering the "anxious" stage.

Here are some fun inspirational quotes I found online today while looking for a little pick me up.

As if a BFN wasn't bad enough

AF is a monster of a beast this cycle. Now I have mental and physical pain, great.

Thanksgiving went fairly well. At the beginning of the night, I started tearing up while playing with my little cousins. All I kept thinking was, how they were all three poor quality and all took and I couldn't even get one. Yes, I know, my cousin and his wife they went through all the pain and suffering like I'm doing now and the end result was worth it. I cried in their bathroom, pulled myself together, then offered to just help in the kitchen.

Of course, my cousin had lots of questions for me about what stage of our progress we were at. She asked me how many times we planned to do this before pursuing other means. Honestly, I dont know. Part of me wants to do IVF until it works but part of me knows that doesnt necessarily mean I can cope with that. She suggested I go to the CCRM in Denver and that she did a cycle out there. I checked into their clinic and they have very high success rates thats for sure.

I also am looking into the SIRM clinic that is in Peoria. They also have a very high success rate. What I liked best about their clinic though, is they have their own success rate reports which are separate from SART (Society of Assisted Reproductive Technology). They base their patients on one of four categories.....2 of which are less than 2 failed IVF cycles, one having normal FSH and more than 8 eggs retrieved and the other having elevated FSH with less than 8 eggs retrieved. The other 2 are the same but just more than 2 failed IVF cycles. I technically don't fall into any of these categories. I've got more than 2 failed IVF cycles and my FSH is elevated.....but I've had 19 eggs and 11 eggs retrieved respectively. As I've said before, I'm an anomoly. At any rate, for both categories (less than AND more than 8 eggs retrieved) in the more than 2 failed cycle category, they have a success rate around 60%. The number of cycles are low but that is because they screen the cases and take only those that are of interest.....at least that is what I think I read somewhere?!? Well....if anyone is a tough yet interesting case that would be me. Plus Peoria would be easier than Denver to get to. Although we do have friends in Denver so it wouldn't be a stretch.

At any rate, we're working on a 2nd opinion whether its a local clinic or an out of state clinic. Meantime, I'm also filling out initial adoption applications online. My current RE is calling me on Monday, I have a list of questions that I've already emailed her so may be glad to see me go, LOL.

My "2" theme seems to have been only a sign that AF would be twice as bad. I'm just popped 2 Extra Strength Tylenol and downed it with a cup of iced strong coffee. I've never had a headache with AF  quite this bad. Thank you IF, you're a real pain in the ass.

I'm thankful for 99 things but a baby ain't one

Today is 10dp3dt, the day I should have had my beta except that its Thanksgiving so it was pushed back to tomorrow instead. My last cycle, AF showed up the day before beta which was 9dp3dt. Since AF hadn't shown up at all yesterday I was psyched!!! Maybe this time I'd actually make it to my beta!!

WRONG.

This morning I woke up feeling squishy. Never a good sign. I confirmed my greatest fear and proceeded to bawl. It was like deja vu. This time I'm sad and weepy of course but I'm feeling a little more numb. I almost feel like I'm doing this just for fun or for shits and giggles and a baby has never been  a realistic expectation of the outcome. Ugh.

Then I realized that there is a common link. My BIL. My last cycle he and his fiance were here the day I started spotting. Well...since last night was Black Wednesday, he was over hanging out with Jim and spent the night. Seriously, you can call me crazy, but I don't want him in my house or around me any future cycles where beta is the next day, he's officially bad luck, lol

I'm going to I guess have to talk to my RE and see what her suggestions for proceeding are. I've decided that if she wants to proceed with a 3rd try with the same protocol I'm getting a second opinion. If she comes up with a new protocol, I'm going to give it a try.

Right about now I'm thinking of alternative means of getting a child. Surrogacy, egg donation, adoption, stealing....lol.... Jim has said he's open to pursuing surrogacy or adoption but would not consider egg donation. I'm trying to prioritize my list of needs and having difficulty.

First on the list is 1.) Having a child.  Part of me feels like I'd be selling out if I don't carry the child. If Jim is against the egg donation, then I think I'm going to have to accept that I can still have my own child without carrying. That won't make me less of a parent. From what I've read, I'm assuming there are egg quality issues so then surrogacy would not be an option for us. While I'm blogging, Jim is looking at adoption agencies. I almost feel excited....almost. :)  Although, the thought of never being matched with a baby scares the living crap out of my. My friend's sister was on a waiting list for 2 years and never got her baby. She did eventually go for an IVF cycle (her first ) and get pregnant...of course....so I guess it just is different for everyone.

At any rate, I think we have a lot of decisions to make. For now, I'm just going to take a few Tylenol before heading to my cousins house. There are 3- 5 day blasts that were poor quality that all took...plus a miracle baby....that are all 6 years old at my cousins house just anxiously awaiting to see me I'm sure. Hmph. Good thing they're all so stinkin' cute.

Oh yeah, almost forgot,  Happy M'Fin Thanksgiving All

Obsessive panty check time!!

Today is the day AF started for my last cycle so I'm hyper on guard ever since I woke up this morning. Every 10-20minutes or so, I do a panty check. Yup, just pull down my drawers in the living room and check it out. So far so good....but then again its only 9:30am and spotting didn't start until around noon last time.

Whatever the outcome of this cycle is, I'm going to be SOOOOOOOOOOOO glad to get rid of this stinking freaking headache. OH. MY. GOD. I'M. GOING . TO . DIE. lol   This year, I'm thankful for Extra Strength Tylenol!!!

I'm subbing for 2 shifts at work this week. One is today from 1pm-7pm which is good, it'll get me out of the house and off and far away from my computer. Websites like peeonastick.com and twoweekwait.com are not helping me. Oh, LOL, you think I made those websites up I bet.....seriously, they're out there....just. to. make. you. CRAZY!!!!. Today will be helpful to get out but I'm hoping if AF shows up that its not while I'm at work. Nothing says, "Can't deal with patients well" then a caretaker who crys while giving bed baths right?!?  

Also, my second shift this week is of course the day of my beta from 9am-3pm. Therefore, I'll go downtown in the morning for my bloodwork and be anxiously waiting for their call while I'm at work yet again. Last cycle that call wasn't so bad to get at work because AF showed up in full force, literally on my way to work from the beta draw.

Therefore....otherworldy being if you can hear me through my little blog.....if this cycle is a BFN again, I'd prefer it if you just send the crimson tide my way today or tomorrow. I'm a little more receptive to a "Oh I'm so sorry" type phone call when I've already cried my eyes out about it in private.

Thank you Gary Allan...

This is a good ugly cry song....

Side note....Oh my freaking god my head is about to explode. Still BFN....I'm guessing AF is coming tomorrow. Better bring a pad to work :(

Getting closer... (8dp3dt)

Yesterday I posted twice so I held this information until today so I wasn't flooding my blog with crazy talk in one day....space it out and you're not going to seem as crazy :)

I don't know what possessed me to do it, but I pulled the Wondfo from yesterday morning out of the trash 5 hours after I peed on it. There was a 2nd line...OMG. However, upon further contemplation it dawned on me....this stick has been sitting here for 5 hours!!! Although, no other pee stick has EVER had a 2nd line appear no matter how long it sat. So I pulled ALL the pee sticks from the trash and analyzed them carefully. Only one had a squinty, squinty line and that was the one from the morning.

When Jim left for work I went and bought a 3pack of FRER. BFN plus a BFN on the Wondfo at 4pm for both. I anxiously awaited this morning to test out the FRER on some FMU...BFN. WTF.

My head is pounding. As previously mentioned, it was hurting me the other day too but each morning when I wake up it seems like my head hurts a little more. Omg, I could cry, this is such a hormonal headache I'm sure AF is going to pop in to say hello soon.

Last cycle, cramping started at 7dp3dt and then AF showed up on 9dp3dt so technically if she follows suit tomorrow AF should come. However, maybe its the difference between Endometrin and Prometrium but the cramps were my only problem last time whereas my headache is my main issue now so maybe AF will hold off a few days. If I can at least get to my beta on Friday without her showing up I'll feel like I still have a slight glimmer of hope left. When AF comes before I even get downtown I feel like its a slap in the face. Ugh,

Two posts in a hour? That's a record!

No sooner than I hit the publish button then did my stomach take a turn for the worse. The headache is gone but they've been replaced by cramps. Uggggggh. I really feel like I might break something if AF shows up. Better keep valuables away from me for a few days.

The suspense is killing me....I can't sleep (7dp3dt)

According to most of what I've read online, the absolute earliest day for a BFP would be today. I'm 10dpo or 7dp3dt...so I couldn't sleep at last night...or the night before but that was because there was a massive sale at CVS, so that's different :P

I woke up with a noticeable headache. I'm unable to put a finger on it if its hormonal or due to my teeth grinding. I just got a mouth guard and am on my 2nd night wearing it. Its possible that the stress of something new and uncomfortable in my mouth made me "try" to grind my teeth more...thereby causing the headache. It almost felt like a leftover migraine though, so I dont know. All I know is, I made some coffee (gasp...its not decaf) and its gone. Poof.

At any rate, FMU on the stick and BFN. Although, I'm not getting upset...yet. Considering the fact that my embryos were slightly behind schedule, it would make sense that 10dpo would be way too soon for a BFP if I'm going to get one this cycle. Have no fear loyal blog readers...as with voting, you must test and test often!!! :)

Funny story about my caffeine laced coffee. We have a Keurig, so if you have one or understand how they work, you can either put a "K cup" in there which is pre-filled with grounds, or you can use their filter and use your own grounds. Well, I've been using the K Cups since my decaf coffee tastes BLECH!!! and this morning while my coffee was brewing I took the dog outside to go to the bathroom. When we came back in, I took my cup off the machine, got the milk out, and started pouring. It was only then that I realized my coffee didn't look like coffee it looked like....MILK!!! OMG, there was no Kcup in the Keurig. I brewed WATER!!! good thing I eventually noticed before drinking hot milk, LOL heehee

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!!! (6dp3dt)

Ok folks, were getting down to the nitty gritty here. Jim and I went to Church this morning and it took all I had not to cry during mass. Uggg, stupid Prometrium makes me so weepy!!! ...and nauseous....and bloated....ooooh I hate Prometrium.

We had to go to Jim's parents house tonight for his Dad's birthday. Thankfully...knock on wood...after I popped that Tylenol last night at 7:30pm I haven't had a reoccurrence of cramps or headaches so I'm hoping that's a good thing.

We took some of my MIL's famous ecclair cake home with us. When we got home, literally like 20min after we just walked in the door, I was like "I want to eat my cake...can I eat your slice too?" Jim hesitantly caved and let me eat both slices. Yum, they were good. When walking upstairs to get a spoon, I felt weird. I can't explain it, just weird. Jim said, "Maybe you feel pregnant?!" I said, "I dont know what this is but I'm gonna eat this cake!!!"

I'm wondering if the difference between Endometrin and Prometrium will have anything to do with my AF showing up. My first IUI, she came through the suppositories and arrived exactly 14dpo. The 2nd IUI I had to stop taking them in order for AF to show up. Both IUI cycles were on Prometrium.

My first IVF cycle they had me on Endometrin and AF arrived early!!!! She came through the suppositories at 12dpo, which was a day before my beta. Major bummer, let me tell you. However, since Endometrin isn't covered by my insurance, we bought a few suppositories and got some from a friend that donated. For my 2nd IVF, I asked that they put me back on Prometrium so thats is what I'm on now.

I was mulling over the possible difference between the two when I realized that there are dosage amount differences. Endometrin is 100mg, whereas Prometrium is 200mg...both are/were inserted 3 times a day. Basically, I'm getting 300 extra mg of progesterone this cycle. With my IUIs they were only inserted twice a day so now I'm questioning if I'll even get AF if this cycle is a bust. Way to mind fluck with me. However, since I put 2 embies in, even if I do get AF, a part of me will be thinking its due to one embie sticking and one not.

Oh lordy, this is going to be a long couple of days. Jim and I are going out Wednesday with some friends and I'm oh so ever hopeful that I'm not able to partake in the drink fest with them. I'll be content with a Sprite or water.

Thats all for today...more to come when I got it!

Uh oh...speaking of Google frenzy

Jim and I went out to dinner tonight and when I got back I started getting a hormonal headache, AF like cramps, and back pain.

Ironically, the cramps are the same side as my major OUCH cramp this morning. Plus 8dpo seems a bit early for AF to be starting up....I hope!!

According to my blog, it was 7dp3dt that the cramps started up and today is only 5dp3dpt. I'm really , really hoping its implantation related hormones that are invading my body and /or side effects from such high doses of progesterone.

Speaking of progesterone.... tonight I caught myself tearing apart my panty liner to get a closer look at what is coming out of me. I had pink underwear on and there were pinkish/brownish spots on the liner so I couldn't tell if they were dye stains from the underwear or truly something coming out of me. Even after I tore the liner in half, I still couldn't determine so guess its back to being crazy.

I popped a few Extra Strength Tylenol and am headed to bed. Hopefully tomorrow all will be well again!

And the Google frenzy begins...

While I was unloading/reloading the dishwasher this morning, I had a HUGE cramp on my left side. It wasn't extremely painful but enough to double me over to where I had to hunch over to finish what I was doing. It only lasted long enough for me to reload the dishwasher and by the time I got downstairs it was gone.

So now begins my Google frenzy.

According to the website I found, implantation should occur on 8dpo or 5dp3dt, which is TODAY!!! Was that an implantation cramp, a precursor to an impending AF this week, or just trapped gas? LOL

Who knows and I hate how crazy IF makes me. I can't stop Googling or asking any message board who will listen just out of the hope that come Wednesday/Thursday/ or Friday morning, I will be thankful for a baby instead of needing a sanitary pad. Uggg.

1/2 way to beta

Tonight I'm 6.5 dpo or 3.5 dp3dt...however you want to look at it.

Of course I'm hopeful that at least one embie sticks, its helpful to have documentation for future cycles on symptoms and what days they start up.

So far things have been pretty quiet. The day of and day after ET, I was a little bit sore but that eventually went away. I really think that was just a residual from ER since it was more painful this cycle than last.

As of tonight, I've been having very minor cramping on and off. Nothing painful but just enough to be noticed. Its dull and achey but doesn't last long when it comes on. According to some website I found from a fertility clinic in NY, tomorrow is when the embryo should be implanting (if one does). I've also had a headache as of this afternoon. So now welcome to the "Is this a period, progesterone, or pregnancy symptom" questions.

Oh boy!!! LOL

Transfer Done

I'm trying to stay optimistic but this cycle is making it difficult to do so.

When we arrived at the hospital, we were escorted back into the procedure room. The RE on duty came into the room and went over our chart and embryo information. He said that out of the 5 that were fertilized, the best two were both only 5 cells and they both had fragmentation. The other 3 were all at 3 cells so the lab will be watching them over the next two days and will call on Wednesday to let me know if there's anything to freeze. Although, if they're only 3 cells on the 3rd day then I doubt it. Looks like we have a 2nd cycle with no frosties. He recommended transferring the 2 embryos that were 5 cells so that is what we did!

Ironic that I'd asked my RE if there was a possibility of transferring 2 this cycle but she advised against it , and now we're faced with such poor quality embryos that its being recommended. Hmph.

But...there's that "2" again :)

My fingers and toes are crossed....pleeeeeeeeeease make this work!!!

Fert Report

Well, after agonizing over waiting for the phone call all morning....the IVF nurse finally called me with the report.

She didn't tell me how many out of the 11 were mature, but only that 5 fertilized properly. At first I was upset because that is one less fertilized egg than we had last cycle. However, thinking about it ...last cycle we had 19 eggs retrieved as opposed to 11 now. For there to be nearly the same amount fertilized that is pretty good! Did some math and 1st cycle had a 31% fertilization rate whereas this cycle is a 45%!! Pretty good!!

Transfer is Monday at 11am, I have to be there at 10:45am though. Eeek, I'm excited!!

One more crazy "2" theme and then I'll leave the blog alone for awhile...since my retrieval was later than I had originally thought I did a recalculation of my potential due date. It would be August 2nd...which is ...you guessed it...2 days before my birthday. If this cycle doesn't result in a baby, maybe even twins, I'm just going to be creeped out, LOL

Freed Eggies!!!

I'm so relieved to be done and over with the worst part....well, the physically worst part that is. The next two weeks are going to be the worst mental part, waiting to see if this round worked!

In general, this cycle has been going better than last one. Today was no different thankfully. Despite getting stuck in traffic on the way into the city, I still was on time and taken back to the procedure room rather quickly. Ironically, one of my new "friends" from the monitoring line was in the bed next to me, we're apparently cycle buddies, LOL

I was very worried about getting the IV, and when I saw that the nurse was the same as last time I apologized ahead of time for my bad veins coming back to her. She, like everyone else at NW are soooo stinkin' awesome that I'm sending them all a fruit basket or chocolate or something when I finally get pregnant. The nurse just put her arm around me, and walked me to my locker , gave me a pat and said not to worry we'd figure it out. Last time, the RE was able to finally get the IV in me on the side of my right hand so I suggested she try there first. Low and behold it was a winner again! One and done IV, WHO KNEW!!!

My RE came to talk to me and told me there were possibly some follicles hiding which I had suspected so there I was being wheeled into the room. I was talking to the nurse and BAM I was out. I did, however, come to a slight bit during the procedure and remember being uncomfortable. Not pain, just pressure...I said, I dont like this...and then I was out again, LOL

When I woke up, the meds wore off a lot faster than they did last time. My RE came to talk to me about my results and it does seem there were follicles hiding afterall since they were able to get 11 eggs. Not quite as good as the 19 from last time but it all depends on my fert. report tomorrow. I'm hoping all or at least nearly all of them are mature and were fertilized.

Anywho...I ate my crackers and drank my ginger ale and was put in Jim's care to get me home. We stopped at Panera and I ate the entire bread bowl for the first time ever. I usually just scrape the bread out from inside but today I was staaarving and ate every last bite! Once we got home my parents came and sat with me while Jim went off to work. Its nice having people wait on me :) Haha...anywho, I'm glad they were here even just a short time, my RE was rough on me. I've got minor spotting going on and I'm pretty bloated. So far its ok though, I feel fine otherwise and I've only seemed to have gained like 2lbs since my trigger.

Here's the interesting parts of this cycle. I probably mentioned previously about the reoccuring "2" theme in this cycle right? To recap (so you don't have to scroll through old posts)... Its the 2nd IVF cycle, 2 months since our first cycle, started the day before our 2nd anniversary, and if I ended up pregnant I'd be due around my 32nd birthday!! Also, if you add up the date (month and day only) 11+9 = 20!! To add to the strange coincidences... there were 11 eggs retrieved (1+1 = 2!!) and on our way home there was an SUV in front of us and their license plate was "BABY 2" . Totally bizarre!!!!!! On top of that, someone told me that the number 11 has mystical significance so I looked it up and was freaked out more. Here's what I read on one site...

"The number 11 is a very mystical number. One represents the Divine, the Source, Pure Consciousness, Creative Energy: the Oneness we are all part of. In other words, One is our divine nature. When doubled, as in number 11, it signifies the manifestation of the One in human form. So 11 is a double One: One for the Divine and One for its individual manifestation in human form. If we add 1 + 1, we get 2, which is the illusion of being separate: an I separate from you and from everything else. Yet even all aspects of the individual personality aim to be integrated as one unity, one person, one reality, and eventually one Self."~~~ creepy huh?!?

Maybe the one embryo that gets transferred will split into 2 for twins ;) Haha, first things first, we need to have a fantastic fert. report tomorrow. FINGERS CROSSED!!!

Triggerrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!

Thank goodness tonight I'm triggering!!! I'm soooooooo tired from getting up at 4:30am to drive downtown. This cycle alone I've spent $70 on parking, yeesh! So when I got my "new favorite" ultrasound tech (anyone who gives me follicle sizes is my friend), I told her that I thought everyone at the hospital was so great but I wouldn't be too sad if I never saw them again, LOL

So I finally got the call from the IVF nurse this morning and she gave me the good news. As of today, she said my e2 is 1830. I have 1@11, 1@12, 2@13, 1@15, 2@16, 1@17 and 1@26. Considering the fact that the 22mm disappeared off yesterday's scan, I am assuming that there are follicles missing from today's scan as well. I'm counting 9 follicles going by today's count, but based on growing times and yesterday's numbers I'm thinking there are another 3-4 follicles hiding out in there so , fingers crossed, hoping there are closer to 15 eggies in there. With my lead follicle being 26, I'd imagine whatever they find in there should be nearly all mature...I hope :)

That's about all for tonight. My trigger is in 3 hours this is exciting! For fun, I calculated all of the IF related shots I've taken (not counting Lovenox) up to and including tonight's injections. Dun da da daaaaaaaaa...127!!! That is right, 127 shots not including my Lovenox, OMG!!! That is only 8 months worth. Hope this is my last cycle so that number doesn't increase!

OMG, get these eggs out already!!!!

I'm about to have a nervous breakdown if they don't take me to ER sooooooon!!!!

Yesterday's appt. looked pretty good. My 20mm only went up to a 22mm and I had lots of other one's coming up close behind. In total, there were about 10 follicles ranging from 10mm-15mm yesterday.

After work I stopped at Walgreens to pick up my Doxycycline so I'm ready for ER. I also ran out of 3ml syringes and last cycle (since this seems to be a reoccuring theme with me), I bought a pack of 10 at Walgreens. However, the pharmacist was being a douche canoe...I think because there was a line forming... and wouldn't give me any syringes. He told me to have my doctor call in an order, to which I started crying. It was 4:30pm, my RE leaves at 4pm, and I needed the syringes for my 7:pm injects. So I said "I'm just going to have to reuse my syringes then if you won't sell me sterile ones". Thankfully I have a friend nearby who saved my butt by meeting me at Starbucks and giving me syringes, LOL

Today I was sure they'd tell me to trigger, however, one more night they say. I've got 1@10, 1@11, 1@12, 2@13, 3@14, 1@17, 1@18 and 1@19 and my e2 is 1141. They're not sure where the 22mm went. The nurse said it could have been hiding??? So its back tomorrow for one final appointment and then most likely trigger tomorrow night for an ER on Friday.

Hope they're right!!

Things are moving along!

Had another monitoring appointment today and much to my surprise my 14mm has grown to a 20mm!!! Holy canoli!!!

There are also three 12mms as well plus my e2 was nearly 900. Everything is looking pretty decent. I'm hopeful that those 12s will be much larger when I go back in tomorrow morning. My RE must not be concerned since my med doses have stayed the same this whole process.

The ultrasound tech and I were talking about the musical Wicked while she scanned me, which made things a little easier. Although there's not a lot going on in there just yet, that 20mm does make things a little uncomfortable. She asked me,"Did I scan you yesterday you look familiar" to which I replied yes I think so! She told me my ovary moved, LOL if I was who she was thinking of from yesterday then my left ovary is in a different spot today, weird. As long as it continues working, I don't care WHERE it is!! :)

Back tomorrow for yet another repeat monitoring appointment. Hopefully this cycle is nearing the end and we can get ER underway one of these days this week!!

Yay for 2nd Monitoring Appts!

Not going to lie...that lone 12mm worried me a bit on Thursday but after today I'm feeling much better about this cycle:)

Today my e2 is 568! There is a 14mm and many less than 10mm on one side plus two 11s and a 12mm on the other side.

I'm going back tomorrow for a repeat appointment but I'm hoping(!!!) that I can trigger either Monday or Tuesday night. Hope things keep progressing as nicely.

Better yet not...same but different? HUH?!?

So of course every cycle is different but I've got a few variations going on and I'm not sure if they're a bad thing, a good thing, or just ok.
Last cycle after 4 nights of stims I had an e2 of 524 , yet today its only 216. However, last cycle at the first monitoring appt. I only had "lots" of follicles on either side too small to measure while this time I've got a 12mm already on one side and "lots" under 10 on the other. I suppose that may be a good thing...last cycle my RE said she triggered me earlier than she wanted to because my e2 started plateau-ing so perhaps if it steadily increases this time it'll give me a better chance at having quality eggs and more of them?
Hope so!!
Meds stay the same and back on Saturday for follow up monitoring!

All systems a go!!!

Not like I doubted it, LOL but e2 is nice and low and lining nice and thin even though last period was 9/24!! Thanks stupid effing pituitary...sometimes you come in handy ;)

So this morning I made my usual trek downtown. I ditched the lucky flip flops because its too cold for those now. I brought with my my fleur de lis coffee mug from one of The Bump girls... it is now designated as my "lucky coffee mug".

I figured I would multi-task while in line this morning so I brought my coupons from the paper and cut them out. Turns out it was a great conversation starter.I struck up a convo with the girl behind me. She was a newbie at all this so I gave her a lot of tips to get done with the office in 1/2 hour as opposed to the 2 hours she'd been spending there previously. She seemed grateful and on one hand I was really happy to help her out but on the other hand I realized...I'm one of those women that scare the newbies into hoping and praying "please don't let me be here as long as this girl". Oh well...

One of the coordinators called me later that afternoon and gave me the good news that we were all good to go! Stims started tonight...so hopefully the next 2 weeks go by quickly. I was excited until it came time for the shots tonight then I realized "Why the eff am I excited about SHOTS!!" lol, right?!?

A quick pep talk in between injections seemed to help. Shot #1- Lupron= "Ok Kate...only 3 shots then you're done, no big deal!". Well...that worked ok. Shot #2- Menopur= "Great job Kate! Only two more to go then you can go blog about this!". Ok, now THAT one hurt and bled like a mofo. Its always hard to convince yourself to inject yourself again after a shot like that but... Shot #3= Follistim= "Come on Kate...this is the easy shot. Stick yourself and lets go!". It worked :)

Following shot time, I took my new supply of supplements. I'm taking CoQ10, Melatonin, DHEA and my prenatal vitamin each night of stims. I'm suddenly exhausted and I'm thinking that the Melatonin is kicking in. Having said that...its time for bed for me. Tomorrow is Jim and my 2nd wedding anniversary and after work we're going out for dinner...so early to bed early to rise and hopefully I won't be too tired to partake in a nice anniversary celebration. ::wink wink...nudge nudge:: LOL

If I could only...

Seems like this IF journey has been full of "If only I coulds..."
First it was...
If only I could just get a prescription for Clomid
If only the Clomid would work I know I could get pregnant!
If only I could get a BFP on these IUIs
If only the migraines would go away I could start IVF
If only I could complete an IVF cycle without cancellation
If only I could have had embies to freeze
If only I could get a BFP
As I start onto the second IVF cycle I'm hopeful that this is the end of my "If only I coulds".

My refrigerator in the last 10 years has gone from all alcohol....to all medication

And my insurance company informed me that each box of medication costs roughly $7800.
Thank GOD we have the coverage we do...the thought made me do some calculations:
Cost of 3 IVF cycles= $23,400
Estimated cost of 2 IUI cycles= $5,000
Grand total for MEDICATION ONLY!!!! (not counting never ending bloodwork, ultrasound, and doctor office visits...PLUS, the cost of removal w/anethesia, plus the transfer) is nearly $30k.
Holy freakin shit.
This is my latest $7800 box...pretty nice box huh?? LOL

::Waving Hello::

Hi there,
Remember me?? Been awhile huh?!? LOL
Ok...well after our BFN our RE requires a 1 month waiting period to cycle again. Lucky for me, I didn't want to cycle right away afterwards since we had a week long vacation to California planned for my husband's cousin. Not only was I not 100% sure the cycle wouldn't interfere with the trip, I wanted some time off to relax.
Uh oh...did someone say VACATION and RELAX?!?!? I must be knocked up totes magotes for totally tubular sure!!!!!!!!!
Sorry folks....OWT proven wrong yyyyyyyyyet again!
Haha, well at any rate, it was a great trip and we enjoyed each others company without the stress and worry about bloodwork or doctor appointments. Now I'm back home and gearing up for IVF #2.
I called my RE's office and ordered my meds but just have to schedule the delivery with Cigna. I'm also scheduled to come in on Sunday next week the 28th for my "Day2" labs and ultrasound and most likely 99.9% sure will be starting up again that night.
Hmph...its hard to get excited about this all again when I've seen it fail BUT I'm trying to stay positive and a happy outlook.
I'm pulling out all the stops for this round. I've started eating organic...I'm trying to find an accupuncture office in New Lenox or around here somewhere...and the biggest one Jim and I decided to even go to church today and are going to try to go on a regular basis. I know that sounds silly, and if it works, I'll know its because it was my time not because of what I had done that month, but if it gets me through the cycle a little easier with some extra hope thats good enough for me.
A few ironic side notes...this is IVF #2 which is starting the day before our 2nd anniversary. If successful, I would be due around my 32nd birthday. The 2 theme is strong so maybe that's a good sign. Also... Jim and I randomly throw around names for a girl if we had a daughter someday. The boys name has long been decided on. We both agree we like Grace but I've never found a middle name that I'd like with it. Well...yesterday , just sitting around, the name Elise popped into my head and I thought "Grace Elise sounds great with our last name and kind of rolls off the tongue." I ran it past Jim and he liked it. So just out of curiosity I googled the name to make sure there were no porn stars or convicts with that name (LOL) and oddly enough there was a story that came up of a family in Texas that had quintuplets and their little girl was Grace Elise. Ok, ok, ok, granted I know I'm NOT having quints...or even quads....or even triplets....and most likely not even twins from this IVF but I feel a little connection to the name now like its a sign. Hmmmm....crazy?
Probably, LOL oh well.
That's all for now my readers...
ttfn!

And this...is why I need to revisit my therapist, LOL

I'm at about 90% plus some additions not listed...sheesh

I'm out...I'm back in.......nope, I'm out

Sunday we had my BIL and future SIL over to watch the Bears game.
We were getting the bathrooms ready for them since they needed to use the showers in the house. I decided to put in my Endometrin before they got in there and to my surprise I was spotting. Uggg....well as I came out of the bathroom, my BIL said ,"You guys have so much room here when you have kids you'll have plenty of space here!!". All I could think of was the when? you mean IF! we have kids...and then I started crying. Jim and I locked ourselves in the bedroom and we both had an ugly cry over our loss of what might have been.
Well...I went to Target with my FSIL and bought a few impulse items to make myself feel better and by the time I got home the spotting stopped.
Then I started thinking maybe it was implantation bleeding so I was excited again for my beta, thinking I was still in the game!! However, this morning when I woke up to go downtown at 5am, the spotting was back. I still drove downtown and saw my favorite lab tech who said he'd see me in a couple days. Oh how I wished he was right but nope he was wrong.
The IVF nurse called to confirm the beta was negative. We're going to California Oct 10-17th for Jim's cousin's wedding in Sacramento so we're unable to start a new cycle right away.
IVF #2 should be a go for end of October/early November barring any unforseen circumstances.
This effing blows.