Yay me!!!!...and a weird dream

Today is the first weigh in for my diet. ....

Starting weight 149.1
Today's weight 147.4

For a loss of 1.7 lbs!!!

I've been aiming to lose 1 lb/week to make my 24.1 lbs goal by July so I've exceeded my expectation for this week, hurray!!!

Now the trick is to keep up the momentum!!!

On a side note--
I still have wacky dreams even without the Progesterone. I think that comes along with being a Leo and having a vivid imagination :)

Last night, I dreamt that some friends of mine from high school were getting together to redecorate a garage that another friend was living in. Mind you, all the people in my dream were friends of mine in high school but none of them were friends with each other...weird.

So we decided to meet in one department at the Jewel. I get to the Jewel and I look down to see I'm pushing a cart that has a toddler aged girl in the front. She's MY kid.

Well, of course any child of mine is going to be disobedient so of course the kid is squirming to get out of the shopping cart. I picked her up and said "Mommy has to meet with her friends. Be a good girl and I'll get you french fries at McDonalds" She agreed...obviously, who wouldn't :)

So I'm walking around Jewel with a toddler under my arms and pushing a cart when one friend comes up to me and says they changed the location. Its now in the freight elevator.....so toddler kid and I follow him and its this big elevator area that's been shut down and full of furniture. Apparently, the friend now lives here instead of the garage so this is where we're decorating. Someone bought McDonalds so my toddler was all excited since I've promised her fries. I told her she couldn't have any right then and she started crying and pouting and hid under the table until I caved and sat her on my lap and fed the fries to her.

We then all talked about color schemes for the "room" as this little kid ate fries on my lap.

Wtf...LOL

The million dollar question...

I made some off the wall comment this morning which made my husband think I'm uber sad about not being pregnant yet....which in turn, he came to me and asked if I wanted to go back to cycling and try again. Normally, I would have said yes and started counting down the days until next month, the earliest that I could cycle again....however, I smiled and said, "No thank you".

Now don't get me wrong....I DO want to cycle again. Eventually. I'm not sure when though. We originally talked about evaluating where we were at in July. If I got pregnant, I'd be around 5 months along for our cruise in December. That to me sounds like a good time to do it if we decide to go again in 2013. I wouldn't be massive yet and I'd be (hopefully) well past the morning sickness and general malaise of early pregnancy. It would be a nice and enjoyable babymoon plus I'd have a valid excuse to NOT go scuba diving/snorkeling/or any adventure type excursion....which I'd love to have :)

In addition, I'm not comfortable cycling again with my current RE. She wants to do the same thing again with higher medication dosages. I'm not really into that idea. I want to see what these other doctors have to say about me first and get their opinion before jumping into another cycle.

Oh this IF....never a dull moment is there?! :)

Some post-weekend A-Z fun!!

I stole this idea from Kimberly at No Good Eggs. If you don't already follow along with her blog, I suggest you do so now!!!  If I didn't...then I wouldn't have found this super fun blog idea for today:)

Its my weekend from A-Z, you ready???

A is for AF who is in town this week/weekend. She may try to make her presence known but I'm squashing her efforts with Aleve and Advil ...take that AF!!

B is for brunch with two IRL friends from The Bump! Its always good to get out in the real world and enjoy a meal with friends :)

C is for couponing. I spent most of Sunday morning cleaning my coupon binder of expired coupons, updating my spreadsheet (yes I have a spreadsheet of coupons), and filing my new ones from the paper. My stash is at almost 500 coupons organization is key!

D is for diet. I'm on one, yuck! I'm trying to lose 24lbs by July or August. Hopefully my BIL and his fiance don't randomly pick a wedding date earlier though so I have time to look fantabulous!

E is for everywhere....as in babies. WTF babies? Go home!!

F is for fishing. Jim and I were talking about fishing...and maybe camping sometime in the future! Maybe we can go Fly-fishing and get all "A River Runs Through It"-y !!

G is for green smoothie. I just made/drank my first yesterday....not too bad :)

H is for humor. That is key!!!

I is for Interviews!  I've landed two this week!

J is for job hunting, of which I'm doing a lot of lately!!!

K is for kickboxing! I contacted a place with a 2week free trial. I'm supposed to check it out Thursday at 7pm...I'm scared, LOL

L is for lazy....I'm pretty much that in a nutshell these days!

M is for my family. I lurve them :)   I just wish my parents were in town this winter, I miss them :(

N is for negativity...as in GO AWAY!!

O is for overthinking things. That will be done no more!!

P is for projects. I've got my 2nd opinion project for the month of February. I'm trying to find other things to keep my busy after that!

Q is for quilting, of which I still have to ask my MIL one of these days to teach me to do! That will keep me busy!!  Or else, I'll wind up like her and making baby quilt after baby quilt. Hey at least there's a big empty room they could be stored in!! LOL

R is for rabbits!!!  Thanks for providing comedic relief this weekend watching my dog sit at the kitchen door and cry. You weren't even in our yard but she thinks she can go play with you, LOL be careful....she might bite you! LOL

S is for sushi!! Jim and I went to Hamada for dinner. We were going to go bowling too but it was a sheet of ice everywhere we went so after dinner we came home instead.

T is for True Blood. We finally got the next season in on our Netflix , yay!!

U is for unbelievable weather!!!  Cold, then warm and rainy, then freezing and icy!!! WTF!!!

V is for virtues. Patience is one that I'm learning.

W is for weather be crazy!!!

X is for what eXactly starts with an X????

Y is for Yoooohoooo....still reading?!?!

Z is for Zzzzz, of which I've been catching up on!

My empty room

We've lived here since early September, so almost 5 months. This room has looked like this since then.....every single other room is furnished and decorated.

<~~~Here is one side of the "junk" room...aka, future nursery. I tried making it a yoga room, started my IVF cycle and was so hopeful that I stopped yoga'ing it. Now this is one corner and...










This is the other side.....painted such a pretty blue. The stuff in the picture is in the basement now making this room look even more bare. Just a few yoga things in a corner. The door stays closed.

We have no baby. We have no money to put into remodeling this room into something. Ugh..... I need a job to turn this into something else!!!~~~~>

All my groups!!

Here are all the Bump IVF groups I've belonged to over the past 6 months.....and this is why we're on a break LOL























I've started a diet/healthy eating and working out. I'd like to lose 24 lbs by this summer so I figure that can be attainable at a 1lb /week loss on average. I'm just thankful this last IVF cycle didn't pack the pounds on me like they usually did. I maintained my starting weight so now I just have to focus. One day down and lots to go...hope I can stay motivated!!

BAZINGA!

Apparently posting on my blog....and sending a concerned email to my current RE....was all it took to scare the schiesse out AF :)

Paging AF....come in AF

Um yeah....so PIO apparently did TOO good of a job keeping AF away because she still ain't here!!

WTF yo?!?

My last PIO was Sunday at 8pm so I've officially been off progesterone nearly 87 hours and not even a little red sprinkling!!!  I'm wasting my stock of Always on you, you crazy MF'er show yourself!!!

The nutso part is that my cramps and headache went away and I don't even feel like AF is coming. Ughhhh....I wonder what they do if she doesn't come? Isn't the drop in progesterone what brings it on? So if she's not showing up does that mean my p4 is still skyhigh? Drop MF'er Drop!!!!

Stupid Endo/Repro system, if I could transplant you I would because you and I are never on the same page.

What.is.up. with. that.

SIRM Consultation...

Today marks the first of many 2nd opinions.

I had a great conversation with Dr. Dayal about my case. At first I was bummed because I thought Dr. Sher would be calling me himself but thats ok because I really liked what she had to say.

The first thing that I thought was funny was she asked me if I was a physician because of the detailed nature of medical terminology in my questionnaire. Hahaha....guess I really do Google too much :)

At any rate here is what she said:

The SIRM protocol is to provide dexamethasone with each cycle, with and after the stims.

They also would like to check for NK cells....if that is an issue, they treat with Intralipid therapy, not IVIG. They administer that via IV 5-7 days before the ET. It is around that time that the NK cells arrive in the uterine lining and the Intralipid modulates them and quiets them.

She would also like to repeat general labs like FSH, LH, E2, Prolactin, and Progesterone to see where my levels are at now. In addition, she would like to repeat my Anticardiolipin Antibodies, as I noted in 2009 they were elevated. Also she would repeat my Antithyroid Antibodies.

As for the ACA, treatment for elevated levels is with Lovenox. Technically I'm already being "treated" for this since I have Factor V Leiden and there wouldn't be anything further for this.

I mentioned that my ATA had been checked already previously but she said it was worth checking again. Over time the antibodies can increase especially if you have a progression of thyroid problems. Ironic, since I have had just that!! Over the years my TSH gets higher and higher without monitoring and my dose has been increased a few times just in a year. Hmmmm....!!!

She then went on to talk about protocol. This is what I found interesting....she doesn't think that I have an egg quality issue per say. Rather, its not that the quality of eggs in my reserve are bad its just the over abundance of LH infiltrating my system. To begin with, my LH is elevated. Then, you add in the MDL flare which increases LH. Then you add in daily Menopur which contains LH.  Its been shown that high concentration of LH can reduce quality of the eggs produced.

Her suggestion is to actually put me on BCP to completely shut down my system in hopes of lowering my baseline LH. The FVL is a concern, but I'd already be on Lovenox. Then, I would not be on the MDL flare protocol at all. Menopur would be giving sparingly, possibly every few days only as needed. Also, she would try to stim me longer than my 10-11 days. My e2 jumps high and plateaus so they would try for a gradual increase to give the follicles more time to grow and develop properly.
They offer two types of "Comparative Genomic Hybridization" screening, aka CGH or another form of PGS, a chromosomal screening of embryos. The first is called Micro Array. It gives a quick result (within 48 hours) but has a high level of error. This is the only one test done in the states. The other one is called Metaphase but the results have to be shipped to Europe as no one in the states offers this test. They egg bank so you have lots of embryos to be tested and screened. They sample them on day 3, send the results, freeze on day 5 and then when results come back you come back for an FET to transfer the chromsomally normal embryos. The chances of an embryo that is normal from CGH testing is 64% chance of resulting in a live birth though. This test costs $5,000 however !!

I told her I'd be happy with getting less eggs but all mature and all fertilizing and having them grow to good looking blasts and not doing any genetic screening. She agreed....she also said that 90% of embryos that make it to blast are chromosomally normal. That put my mind at ease about that topic!!

Basically, I'm considered RIF for sure (Repeat Implantation Failure) but its most likely to be caused by an excess of LH in my system but possibly an immune system failure too. Most of the labs she can send me a packet, I'd get blood drawn around here, and ship it off to their lab for testing. My cycle would have to be at their facility the last 5-6 days of stims plus for ER and ET.

I still have other consults left to get in February so I think this is a great start. Anal retentive me put a two spreadsheets together. One detailed IVF cycle information and one to keep all my 2nd opinions put together. I was pretty impressed with SIRM so far...maybe next year, Jim and I will have to take a week vacation to St. Louis ....since ya know, vacations are how you make babies afterall :)

Day 2 of the rest of my IF life...

Yesterday was a rough day as you can imagine. I wasn't all that thrilled after I talked to my RE and she wanted to run the same protocol on me again. The 3rd cycle was done with the same RE because of the fact that the protocol was so much more aggressive and different and I thought we had a fighting chance. If we're doing the same thing over and expecting different results, well that my friends is the definition of INSANITY!!!  and insane is something I'm trying to not define myself as!! The only difference was to increase my DHEA from 50mg to 75mg. She told me to start taking it now and by taking it for an extended period of time, that should give me the best chance of improving my egg quality. She still believes this is merely a quality issue. I asked about PGS but she said that was not something they could do for me.

So....yesterday, BFN day number uno, I made appointments for consultations with 4 yes 4!!!!  new REs!!  Two are out of Naperville, one of which has been referred to me by two different woman both with twins from his office. One is a referral by a member of my Resolve group in Orland Park who has a DE program. I like that option in case we need it, I know its offered. The last one is a phone consultation with Dr. Sher himself!!! from SIRM in St. Louis. I read his blog and there is a case study of a woman my age with a similar problem so I'm hopeful he has some suggestions.

Basically my thoughts are, I'm going to spend the next month collecting information and opinions. If they mesh with my current RE, then I might just go for a 4th cycle at Northwestern since I'm familiar with the staff and procedures. If they are all coming up with something off the wall different, I'm going to have to just decide what to do at that point. I'm also interested in getting an appointment with Dr. Kwak Kim in Vernon Hills. She is a Reproductive Immunologist. I'm concerned that the repeated implantation failure (RIF) is being caused by an immune system problem and while maybe quality has something to do with it, might be a bigger problem.

Originally we thought we'd wait to cycle until next January but we agreed last night to give it 6 months and reevalutate. Depending on where I am job wise (I'm going to need a good paying job if we're going DE or adoption route.....school may be on hold) and what RE and RI opinions we've gotten, we may cycle this summer. Otherwise, we have a cruise in December so if we're not satisfied where we're at in July then we're going to just wait it out until next year. At least January 2013 is nearly over so that would only be 11 more months until our next go around :)   I'm just honestly concerned about upcoming baby showers and 1st birthday parties. I may be sick ::cough cough:: a lot in 2013....see , its already starting now, uh oh!!!

P.S. I'm psyched to be drinking coffee again. If I can't be pregnant at least I can be caffeinated LOL

Suck it IF.....

Yup, IVF#3 is officially a negative. I asked the IVF coordinator what my hcg was and she said it was less than 1. So this royally sucks but I guess I pretty much was expecting it after the BFNs on the HPTs.

Last night Jim and I talked about our next steps. I'm going to make a few, yes a few, second opinion appointments with other REs. I'm also going to get my records and make an appt. with Dr. Kwak Kim, a Reproductive Immunologist. I'd like to find some answers as to why I'm having repeated implantation failure. If I'm unable to get answers I'm not very willing to cycle again with anyone. If this is still an egg quality issue, then we may consider DE but not until next year this time. If no one can give me answers either way, we're going to adopt. I'm also compiling adoption agency information and scheduling myself for information sessions. If we do go that route, we'll at least have all the information already.

I feel like I'm floundering and its only been an hour since the news. I dont know what route we're taking or when we're taking it. All I do know is that next Christmas, either way, we're going to be childless again.

9dp3dt...Day before beta

FMU = still BFN

Welp.

With my first cycle, today was the day I started getting my period which was also the day before beta. I knew the night before (last night's equivalent) that it was coming.

The second cycle, my beta was pushed back a day to 11dp3dt because the 10dp was the Thanksgiving holiday. That cycle I knew the night of 9dp3dt(tonight's equivalent)that on Thanksgiving morning (again the day before beta) that AF was coming.

So I'm not sure what to expect here. Like I said, I do NOT want my period before beta since I'm on the PIO. Therefore, I'm not anticipating getting it anytime soon. So far so good. I went to bed last night no spotting and woke up this morning without spotting. If this can just hold out until tomorrow afternoon when they call with the presumably BFN results at least I can stop taking these massive injections and will feel better about the progesterone level I had during my cycle this time. Unlike the last two where I was spotting while getting my blood drawn, it made me wonder if my levels were too low to support a pregnancy.

This is so frustrating. I could spend all day Googling (and chances I that I'm still going to) BFN at 12dpo but BFP later, but I am never a lucky person. I'm never that one person you hear about good things happening to. I'm just hopeful we get it right one of these times.

I caved :(

This late afternoon I've started getting a hormonal headache and I'm worried that AF is approaching now. I had a FRER left so I took it....BFN. This is the afternoon of 8dp3dt or 11dpo, too early still???? I'm still having all those other crazy symptoms and when I took the test I gagged at how gross my pee smelled, LOL


However, I think I've kinda got it in my head now that this is a negative. Maybe if I just start getting my mind set on that then the next few days wont be so bad. Here is maybe the only picture I'll get of my baby(ies). :( sad face.

One thing is for sure though, if this really truly is a BFN, I better the F*** NOT get my period before that damn beta Monday. I asked my RE if they were going to bring me in for a bloodtest to check my progesterone levels. Since I'm on the injects and now its detectable in the blood. She said they dont do bloodtests for progesterone levels because on the injects my levels would be VERY high and its not anything to be concerned about. Well, of course, now 11dpo and a BFN, I'M CONCERNED!!


::breathe in:: ::breathe out::


Ok, I'm ok now.


Tonight I have to go to my cousin's house for my PIO shot. Jim got called to work an afternoon shift, my MIL's friend never called me back, my friend the RN has plans tonight, and the other people I called wont call back either. I'm glad my cousin is willing to give me the shot...although she said she's taken them not given them so she can't guarantee a pain free shot, LOL great. Plus its about 45min one way to her house.

Oh well , at least this is over one way or another in less than 2 days ::sigh::

Well hello 8dp3dt!

Still hanging in there!!!  Woke up this morning feeling pretty dandy!!

I'm keeping busy today! I'm babysitting this morning just a couple hours and then my second session of Anatomy & Physiology starts this afternoon. This section covers the Reproductive and Endocrine Systems (a few others too) ...I have a feeling I'm going to do well in this class :)

Tomorrow should be here pretty quick since I've got a lot going on today. Tomorrow is the problem though. I need to find something to do to keep me busy. Otherwise, I'm going to have to stretch out my Sunday morning couponing into an all day event. Oh, it can be done believe me, LOL

Monday morning you are so close yet so far!!! Hurry up and get here already!!!

10dpo continued...

Knock on wood....so far no cramps. Yipppeee!!

The weirdness of progesterone vs. early pregnancy continues:

1) My pee smells frickin' nasty ass gross....not that I'm sticking my head in the toilet but PHEW!!!
2) I'm super gassy and THAT is frickin' nasty ass gross too!!!
3) Some of my normal go to foods taste funny. My usual Onion bagel& cream cheese this morning, blech! My Ramen noodles, blech! My decaf coffee, double blech! (I actually tossed 1/2 the container cuz of how gross it tasted). And tonight we had pizza, so sad, not blech but it wasn't very appetizing.
4) My boobies are super tingly!!!  They tickle!!! LOL
5) OMG, My nails look freakin awesome. Which is weird , I have the worst nails, even on Synthroid!

I think that is all I've got for now. I do have some back aches but its not too bad and no headaches!!

Pleeeeeease make this be real and not all in my head.....in my heeeeeeeeead.....baaaabay, baaaaabay, baaaabay bay bay bay. Sorry, The Cranberries have been on the radio a lot lately, LOL  :)

7dp3dt....this is where it falls apart usually

Past two cycles start falling apart today at 7dp3dt or 10dpo with AF to follow 2-3days later.

Last cycle was especially brutal, starting cramping and whatnot by 5dpt!!! I also wanted to rip my head off by now since my headache hurt so bad. However, hopefully I'm not jinxing myself but I woke up this morning feeling no different than when I went to bed. My headache is still a teensy bit there but some days I don't even need a Tylenol....last two cycles I was in tears 2 hours after I had taken them. Small victories :)

When I was in the shower this morning something weird happened. Don't worry I'm not going to tell you something perverted...thats for my other blogs, LOL ;)   Do you ever smell something and have it "take you back" somewhere or remind you of something, good or bad? Well, I'm a pretty scent oriented person and that happens frequently to me. Thats why I'm particular on what perfume I wear or what cologne Jim wears.

Anywho, I'm a couponer and a saver so I buy the biggest bottles of body wash for the best price and make them last...sometimes 3+ months. Having said that, the body wash in my shower now is the same body wash I had my last cycle. When I started lathering up my loofa, I started getting these like "flashbacks" of last cycle and was getting sorta sick to my stomach. Barf. It was super weird and thankfully I had washed my hair and face first before body because I had to high tail it out of the shower before I actually did barf for real.

Yikes, well I have a pretty busy day today which is why I'm blogging now. Although, we'll see how I feel after my acupuncture tonight. If Monday is a BFN, this will be my last session :(

Toodles!

6dp3dt aka 9dpo...Uh oh...

I'm officially starting to freak out.

In my cycle group on The Bump there have already been 2 BFPs and now I want to POAS. Its driving me crazy because I know that I shouldn't since I'm only 9dpo and I'm probably going to get a BFN even if I really am pregnant. I still wanna POAS.

I do have to say though, although I'm starting to get a little cray cray, I'm keeping it together for the most part. This morning, the glop that is still coming out of me looked brown tinged. However, I had tan underwear on....for a split second I stood there holding my underwear (sorry TMI, lol) thinking "Is this implantation gloop....or is it progesterone gloop that just happens to look brown because I have on tan underwear???". Then, I shook my head and said "YOU'RE CRA-ZAY!!!" , put the underwear in the hamper and went about my day.  :)

Although, I'm going grocery shopping today and I think that I will pick up some FRERs ....If I buy them amidst the groceries, Jim won't realize I bought them , bwahaha.

Shots and Ice Cream....par-tay!!!

Well the ice cream is cause for celebration at least....hopefully THOSE kinds of shots will be cause for celebration in October when Baby Payne arrives. For now, I'll have to settle for a bowl of icy goodness and a needle in my arse.

Oh well :)

5dp3dt aka 8dpo

I've been noticing a differece with this cycle. I'm not sure if they're different because this will be a BFP or different because I'm on a different form of progesterone. At any rate here goes:

1) My headache started the first day of PIO...lasted a day or two hardcore....then went away. Last cycle it took a few days to kick in and then got progressively worse until AF.

2) My nose is alternating between running like a faucet and stuffed up. I have no other allergy or cold symptoms though! I've been sucking on Halls that seems to help.

3) I'm surprisingly calm. Jim even mentioned that yesterday how "normal" I've been, LOL

4) I'm alternating between starving and feeling like puking.

5) Up until this afternoon I was feeling pretty good. I hadn't had any AF symptoms. Now ....I have this burning sensation, not cramping just burning, in ute central. It comes and goes so beats me.

6) As of yesterday, there is this weird glop coming out of me

7) Really effed up dreams....you saw my post the other day I'm sure. Last night I dreamt I was attending a wedding held in the mall food court. A friend of mine from way back when was there and his little boy kept asking me to pick him up. I tried but he was sooooo heavy!!! I managed to somewhat pick him up but then he wanted me to spin him around and I couldn't do it! Then I realized I was wearing shorts and a T-Shirt to the wedding so I decided to look around the mall for a dress. I went into one store and found (one of) my old college roommate talking about me behind my back. There were a ton of boxes in the store so I hid behind one of them to listen to what she said, LOL


Thats about all the randomosity that is going on now. I'm still doing good on my no POAS. I've been to CVS and Walgreens this week so far and haven't even gone near Family Planning aisles. Although, on my way home from my beta on Monday I'm going to stop and pee when I get home. Unless I change my mind before then...who knows, LOL

I'm a Liebster winner!! Woot woot!!

My blogger friend, Liz at Wishing on a Snowflake nominated me for the Liebster award!! 

Woohoo, I love awards!!! Thanks Liz!!! 

This award is given to new or up-and coming-bloggers who have less than 200 followers. The award is then passed along to other bloggers in the same category to help spread the word and support one another. What a fun way to get to know other bloggers!

If you receive a nomination, there are a few rules to follow:

1) Each blogger nominated must post 11 things about themselves.
2) Then answer the 11 questions the tagger has asked.
3) Blogger must then create 11 questions of their own to ask the bloggers they decide to nominate.
4) They must choose 11 bloggers with less than 200 followers to nominate and link them on their blog post.
5) Bloggers must be notified of their award!
6) No tag backs!



Okay, here goes. 11 things about me:


1)  I hate mushrooms....ewww
2)  I love watching the Investigation Discovery channel/Criminal Minds/CSI. My husband thinks I watch them so I can plot his demise and not get caught. I think I just should have been a detective, LOL
3) I used to own a business up until last summer. It sucked, lol
4) I loved Kenny Chesney so much a decade ago that I named my dog "Chesney"
5) I'm an only child and yes I'm spoiled. Jim can't rough house with me or I cry, LOL
6) My Mom insists that I'm a product of Agent Orange. She always tries to convince my Drs. to agree
7) My cousin has triplets and they were my flower girls in my wedding
8) When I was a child, I wanted to be a pediatric trauma surgeon. Haha, seriously
9) I'm a karaoke rock star....I've wanted to audition for American Idol but alas I'm too old now :(
10) I'm obsessed with tea cup pigs and OMG OMG OMG I want one!!!
11) I'm trying to learn German so I can talk to my husband's relatives when they visit next year

Here are the questions for me from Liz:


1) What is the best vacation you ever had? Hands down Europe in 2011. My husband was our tour guide and we visited London, other parts of England, Edinburgh,Scotland and Paris, France
2) What makes you most angry?
3) What is your most cherished childhood memory? Any memory at my "Nee Nee" and "Poppy"'s house plus taking car trips with my parents to Wisconsin lots of times as a child.
4) What is your favorite time of day? I'd say around 10am. I'm wide awake and the need for a nap hasn't hit yet.
5) How would you describe your fashion style? I have none, LOL ....sad but true. I pick up on outfits I see in magazines or copy my soon to be SIL's style.
6) If you could have a super-power, what would it be and why?Mind reading....duh, hello? I'd read DH's mind!! LOL
7) What is one food that you will not eat? MUSHROOMS!!!!
8) Describe an activity that you think is truly romantic. A carriage ride, or a walk along the beach at sunrise/sunset. My favorite is winter time when we turn the lights off and put the "Fireplace channel" on TV and pretend we're sitting in front of a fireplace and sip on some wine and cuddle :)
9) If you had to pick one place in your town to be a tourist, where would you go and why? Well my actual town is boring, its mostly cornfields but if we were to go into the city downtown Chicago well then... I'd pick the Art Institute. I looooooove the Art Institute. But all the museums are pretty rad :)
10) What is the one cause that you feel most passionate about? Kidney Cancer...my mom was/is afflicted with it
11) What is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for you?  I guess its a good thing there are too many nice things that I can't narrow it down to "the nicest". Between family and friends being there for me whenever I need them, I'm truly a lucky girl 

Here are the 11 questions for my nominees:

1) What is your favorite season
2) Do you know how to swim?
3) What's your favorite meal?
4) Do you prefer texting or calling?
5) Do you have any pets, if so what kind?
6) If you press shuffle on iTunes/iPod/iPhone, what are the first 3 songs that play?
7) If you could have lunch with any person dead or alive, who would it be?
8)  What is your favorite TV show?
9) Do you like your job? If not, what would you prefer to do?10) What would you do if you won the lottery?
11) What were you doing 30 minutes ago?


And my nominees for the Liebster are.....I've only got 3 sorry!!!  The other blogs I follow aren't updated regularly so what fun would that be?!?

1) Megan at   Here Comes the Sun, and I Say It's Alright
2) Lisa at The Road to Baby Oz
3) Risa at Who Shot Down My Stork

No frosties....not a surprise

Its just not our thing to have frosties. It makes sense though because the embryos are made of Jim and my genetic makeup and we're both stubborn as hell. Those embies probably are pissed off they weren't chosen for transfer and are like, "Oh yeah, well then I'm just gonna stop growin' take that!"

This cycle though we got as close as ever to freezing anything. Out of our 6 embryos that were left to culture, one was an 8 cell of good quality but not as good as the two we transferred. The other 5 were all 6 cells. Well, the 6 cells gave it the old Payne try and said screw you. They all stopped growing after Friday. The 8 celled embryo was a little fighter and gave it its all. It grew out to a blast but the grading wasn't good enough to freeze. Good job little embie.

So now, my thinking is that we've got 2 tranferred embryos that were better quality than the one we left in the lab, plus we did AH, so hopefully those two are rockin' it out in my ute right now! They're having a ute party, woot woot!!

I've been talking to them. We had spaghetti for dinner the other night and I told them how delicious it was and if they became babies they could have some of their Dad's homemade spaghetti when they're old enough. Jim thinks I've officially lost it, LOL

In other news, very light cramping going on nothing too much...it could be bathroom related not to be TMI or anything. I've had the MOST bizarre dreams the past two nights. I dreamt that I was in a classroom at Sandy Hook when the shootings were going on ...awful dream....and then last night I dreamt that I spent the night at my parents house but had diarrhea all over the bed. Their house was weird, like a big warehouse, and I was walking around the house with the dirty sheets trying to find the utility tub to wash them off. WEIRD AND GROSS!!! I'm also getting super crazy hungry and then after two bites feeling like I could hurl. Thank you progesterone because I'm sure all these mindfluckers are due to you.

Anywho....I'm sleepy, yes its 1pm here where I live, but I'm going to take a nap :)

Oh hello emotional meltdown....fancy seeing you again!

Surprised that took as long as it did but tonight...2.5dp3dt my first official hormonal meltdown happened. It was a doozy too.

Jim's family is part Lithuanian and his, I dont know, like, 5th cousins came to visit the USA and we all went out for pizza. The girl and her husband are around our ages and they have a little baby. So we're flipping through their iPad looking at their wedding pictures when I realized that she was pregnant during the wedding. The tears started welling then but I was strong and held back. As long as the baby was on one side of the table I figured I'd be ok. Well then all of a sudden, Jim takes the baby and turns to me and says, "Here do you want to hold her?" . Cue the waterworks. I had to excuse myself and scurry off to the bathroom.

Damn progesterone. Speaking of which, its time for my nightly butt stick :(

1.5dp3dt.....I wanna poas

This may be a tough thing to uphold, this whole no POAS this cycle and all. I woke up the morning after my retrieval and wanted to POAS even though the embryos weren't even in me yet!!! I'm going to try and make this next week as productive as possible....and hopefully that will distract my mind a little bit.

This morning I had a little cramping. Probably just the wonderful s/e of the PIO but I hate it because it makes me so nervous....even only the day after my transfer when I know its too early for AF cramps. My headache is still going strong. Its not really even my head more like my neck/base of the skull that hurts. Ouchy. Since I can only take Tylenol I'm in trouble because ibuprofen is best for these headaches. ::SIGH:: Oh well. I'll just have to grin and bear it like every other ache and pain.

Tomorrow I'm going to try and keep myself busy couponing. Maybe there might be a good deal or two on baby products :)

Best ET EVA!!!!

This is me dancing right now....LOL

Today was our best ET !!! The RE on duty that did the transfer was really optimistic which helped so much!! Its so much nicer going from crying on the table tears of disgust and dispair to tears of hope and faith!!!

Out of 8 fertilized embryos, all 8 of them were chugging along really nicely today!! Mostly 8cells but some 6 cells in there too. We did the AH on the best two 8cells that we had and transferred those two in today. The RE said they don't grade them but if they did he would give them an A-  not absolutely perfect because there is a very slight amount of fragmentation but they were still pretty stellar looking!!

After the transfer the RE took a picture of the air pocket on the screen and printed it out for us. Its on our fridge now, EEEEEEPS!!!!  That's our baby/babies!!!!!

I'm sooooooo excited!!! Now to just keep sane for 10 more days....hmmm, what to do , what to do!!

ET eve

Look out ute.....super embies are on their way tomorrow morning. You betta check yo self!!!

PIO? more like PIA!!!

This is going to be a very long stretch of time....I'm on my 3rd night of PIO tonight and I'm already in a massive amount of discomfort. Not pain persay, just achey throbby pain. Plus, I think since the injection is a super dose of progesterone, its getting into my system that much quicker so my headaches already started yesterday. No relief I tell ya!

I did buy some Epsom salts at CVS the other day and I soaked in the tub yesterday. It helped a little but not much. Today I think I'll try again only with more salts, hotter water, and soak longer. Maybe that'll do the trick.

I'm finding it extremely hard to believe that after all the pain and suffering I've gone through this past month especially for this IVF cycle, that it wouldn't work. Therefore, I'm counting down the days left of PIO until my 12th week starts :)

2 days down and only 97 to go!! Huzzah!!!

Fert. Report

I had a dream last night that the lab called to say they miscounted and there were actually 25 eggs, all were mature, and all fertilized....that was not the case, LOL

The lab called just now which was pretty early for them. Out of my 19 retrieved, 11 were mature, which is exactly the same as IVF #1. Only difference is that we now have 8 that fertilized as opposed to only 5 that time so we're already a step ahead of the game.

Hopefully the supplements and HGH helped those little 8 embies be tough and strong so that one will implant....and maybe the rest can be frozen. Ahhh...wishful thinking :)

Post ER post

My ER was thankfully uneventful. No surprises everything went fairly smooth...except they ran out of graham crackers and ginger ale, so it was Ritz/Saltines and cranberry juice. I was so hungry and thirsty though it didn't matter, I could have been given dirt and I would have eaten it.


Good news is they got 19 eggs!! And yes, if you have read my IF in a box then you will realize that is the same amount of eggs from my 1st cycle. That was the cycle that produced one (yet only one) perfect 8 cell embryo. So far, we're off to a good start but it all depends on the fert. report that I get tomorrow. FX for that...I'm overly anticipating that call!


I was in a lot of discomfort earlier today, and had another migraine, but eventually the pain subsided (or it could be in my head after taking 2 extra strength Tylenol!) and I'm sort of able to function again.

My friend came over to show Jim how to give me the PIO injections. I technically had one this morning after my ER, but they said if I'm going to be on a night time routine then I needed to take another one tonight so I could get on schedule. So....my DF (dear friend...yes I made a new acronym) came over and gave me my first PIO injections (sans drugs) and it wasn't so bad!! Although, I hear its not the injection that is a problem its the aftermath so we'll see. The PIO from this morning didn't bother me until later in the afternoon so maybe this new injection will be sore in the morning. Hopefully this doesn't cause any issues with my backside...I kinda like sleeping comfortably.

Here's where this mornings PIO went....the RN drew circles on my backside for Jim :)  Roughly between 13 & 84 to go...this can be done!!


More tomorrow w/fert. report info! Eeeps!

Guess what?!? Its....TUESSSSSSDAY!!!!

Its 6:20am and Jim and I are about to go downtown for my (hoepefully last) ER.

I've done all that I could do leading up to this point so I'm throwing this one upward and hoping someone catches my prayers this time.

One thing so far I have to note is how crazy ridiculously starving I am right now. NPO (nothing by mouth) after midnight last night makes it tough to get going this morning.

Eeeps, here we go!

Is it Tuesday yet?!?

Ok its official, I've triggered almost 20minutes ago and I'm counting down the minutes to Tuesday morning!




All day long I've had cramping on my left side and its driving me insane!!! I have to sit in a weird way to make it go away otherwise every 30 seconds, Yooooooouch!! I've been drinking the Gatorade and I'm starting on the plain water since I ran out of Gatorade!!

Chug chug chug chug...

Time to really be hitting that Gatorade!!! Trigger is for sure tonight, hurray!!! 

I've had three different u/s techs over the past 10 days so there's bound to be variation. Plus my left ovary likes to be difficult and not cooperate, so it's not surprising that yesterday there were 11 follicles on the left and only 7 today. The largest ones are now "gone" just like my last cycle...so I'm totally sure that I've got the case of the hiding follicles again this time. Last cycle they came and disappeared like a magic act so I'm assuming that the 12 follicles they quoted me today are only a portion of what they're going to retrieve on Tuesday. Yesterday my right only had 3 follicles but today it has 5!!

My e2 is a great indicator that there are more than 12 follicles. Its 2737 today...up from 2130 yesterday. Based on previous cycles, that e2 would lead me to believe there would be 18 eggs to be retrieved and probably 10 or 11 mature. Now, considering the fact that I've been on the CoQ10, DHEA, Vitamin D, and HGH injections that number could be higher or lower (hopefully higher though!!). Regardless of the outcome, I'd just like to have a high % mature and a great fertilization rate for those that are mature. That alone will make me happy and hopeful.

Hopefully if I can just get another perfect 8 or 10cell embryo on Friday, the AH and biopsy that I had done last month will stick it in good and we can close this chapter of our lives ::sigh::

Aaaaand boom goes the dynamite

When the ultrasound tech put the wand up my who ha, she said"WHOA" so I had a feeling there was some explosion as predicted. She was clicking and clicking and clicking away on the computer to document the sizes of the follicles and I just laid there laughing quietly to myself. It took her awhile to get them all accounted for so I was really excited to get the call back from the RE's office with results.

After u/s was b/w, yay!!! The techs in the lab are starting to get frustrated with me because I'm running out of good blood draw spots (not like there were so many to begin with) and I'm always holding up the line. My usual guy passed me off to someone else this morning, LOL I'm turning into a double stick these days...just call me"Two Stick Kate" because its a guessing game now. I think it also has to do with the amount of follicles I've got growing in there. I think they're pulling all the water out of my system to feed their growth. Therefore, I stopped at Walgreens and restocked my Gatorade. Last cycle I really didn't need the Gatorade but obviously things are moving different this time around. I better get a jump on this so I dont wind up with OHSS....no thank you!!

Oh and also worth mentioning....This past week I started acupuncture. So far so good, I'm feeling really relaxed so if anything that is a plus. I went twice last week and depending on when my ER and ET fall next week I probably will go at least twice if not three times.

So here's the big news of the day.... There are 14 measurable follicles!! Quite an increase from yesterday!! On my Right, she's being pokey, there's only an 11mm, a 12mm, and a 13mm. On my Left though, there is an 18mm, 2 at 16mm, 2 at 15mm, 3 at 14mm, a 13mm, and 2 at 11mm. My e2 is 2130 and my lining is an 8.2

Soooo....back again tomorrow for another u/s and b/w but the RE's office thinks I'll be able to trigger tomorrow for an ER on Tuesday!! Which is funny since my 1st cycle triggered at 9days and my second was on the 11th day so I made a joke before that I should split the difference this time, looks like that just may happen!! An ER on Tuesday would be perfect so that my ET would be Friday and I'd have all weekend to rest on the couch before I had to go back to work Monday. Plus, I won't have to miss the Resolve meeting on Saturday :) 
 

Ain't no par-tay like an E2 partay

Today is my 8th day/night of stims and I'm officially on to daily monitoring appointments.

As of now, there are "Several" under 10mm on the right and one at exactly 10mm. On the left there are "several" under 10mm as well, plus one at exactly 14mm.

The crazy part though is that my e2 is slightly over 1500 right now!!! WTF?!?

My IVF coordinator said she's expecting an explosion any day now. Yikes, I'm scurred.

Just my e2

After 5 nights of stims, my e2 was at 738 today....holy moly!!!

So back on Friday for follow up! Yay!

Definitely a day for the blog...

This morning I was supposed to go in for monitoring appointment #2. Well last night I was getting everything situated and put together and was finishing up laundry so I went to bed kinda late. I set my alarm for 5am and was all set to go this morning.

Cue the birds chirping and phone ringing....I shot up in bed and realized it shouldn't be light out at 5am, grabbed my phone and....8:45am. HOLY SCHEISSE!!!  Not only did I stand up my friend, who I was supposed to meet afterwards for breakfast but I also completely missed the monitoring appointment hours.

First I called my friend to tell her not to wait for me, LOL then I called the RE's office to plead my case in hopes they'd let me come in today or tomorrow instead. They called me back at around 9am and thankfully  they were nice enough to let me just get dressed and come in as soon as I could.

I didn't want them waiting on me since they were nice enough to do this so I hurried as fast as I could....I showered, let the dog out, drew up my Lupron and Tev Tropin (what a day to start a new med!) and headed out the door. Surprisingly enough, I made it downtown and parked by 10am even after all that!! Since I wasn't sure how long they'd keep me in the office and I had time sensitive meds....I've added yet another funny spot to my list of injection locations. In my parked car in the hospital parking garage. I made sure to keep an eye out for people walking behind my car so they didn't think I was shooting up. Also, I would have taken a picture but I think security would have been called on me for sure.

At any rate, I've got an 11mm on one side and a 12mm on the other plus lots of little buggers waiting to spring up at any minute. I'm still waiting for my e2 levels to come back but Jim's friend is over and I'm updating the blog while he gives her a tour of our house so this blog post will have to be updated later :)

Oh yeah...this morning when texting Jim about my sleeping in and while waiting for the RE's office to call back he said the funnies thing to me. He said , "Don't worry, its only been a few nights its not like you're near retrieval with ten 18mm follicles in there." LOL he cracks my shit up. Love that man.