Moms seem to have a secret language among themselves and communicate with just a look. Maybe you know the look I'm talking about? The one that is a smile and the tilt of the head? Almost to say, "Oh you're such a lucky mom." or... "How precious...I sure miss when my child was that age", or..."Don't worry, you're doing a great job".
Thomas and I have been getting a lot of these "looks" recently...or maybe I'm just starting to notice them? Unfortunately, my first experience trying to communicate back was awkward and uncomfortable because there isn't a look that says, "Thank you, but I wish you were looking at me and BOTH of my sons like that." Since Rosetta Stone for "Motherly Communication After Loss" doesn't exist, I haven't been really quite sure how to respond.
I've been trying my best to stay focused on the little boy that is here with me now who needs a totally centered Mommy and have been making my best attempt to learn this form of communication. From what I'm told, the best way to learn a new language is to immerse yourself in the culture and eventually you will have no choice but to speak it.
Sunday, August 23, 2015
Wednesday, August 12, 2015
Our Journey Through Kelly Clarkson Song Titles
Miss Independent falls in love , gets married, and eventually they want to have a baby. She knew there would be trouble but neither had any idea they were headed for the Beautiful Disaster ahead of them.
At this time in their lives, all their friends and family were either pregnant or had babies, and everyone would always say, "Our child brought us so much joy....when will you be experiencing A Moment Like This for yourselves?". This brought a lot of stress onto their happy marriage quite often. Many times, she would say to him "I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to Walk Away." To which he would always reply, "Dear... My Life Would Suck Without You".
The couple continued for many years until one day they finally heard that Heartbeat Song but halfway through the pregnancy they learned he wasn't going to come home with them. "Why Don't You Wanna Stay with us little boy?" she cried over and over in the hospital bed, but within a week he was Already Gone. After all their struggle only to have it slip away. "Why did this happen to People Like Us", she wondered quite frequently. She would give anything to feel Invincible again like she did when she was younger. It was a very difficult time and they were living on the Dark Side for quite awhile in mourning.
Some months later, they decided they were ready to try again. They went to the RE and said, "There is so much pain Behind These Hazel Eyes, but we have so much love to give. The Trouble With Love Is, it makes you do things that other people think are crazy." And so, they decided to try to have another baby.
Their FET was a success yet the hardest part, surviving another pregnancy, was very difficult. At night she would talk to her little boy and say, "Because of You, I'm Thankful for life and Since You've Been Gone, I also know how fragile it is. Please keep your baby brother safe for me"
It was Some Kind of Miracle, but their second little baby boy arrived and was healthy and happy and safe. The instant they saw him they both said, "How amazing is it...he's here. Hold on....I need to Catch My Breath"
The two pregnancies were so heartbreaking, frustrating, long and complicated but it changed them in such a way that no other journey could have done. They say What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger and that is definitely the truth.
Here is Me, Jim and my BFF Kelly at one of her shows, Jim wore nail polish LOL
At this time in their lives, all their friends and family were either pregnant or had babies, and everyone would always say, "Our child brought us so much joy....when will you be experiencing A Moment Like This for yourselves?". This brought a lot of stress onto their happy marriage quite often. Many times, she would say to him "I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to Walk Away." To which he would always reply, "Dear... My Life Would Suck Without You".
The couple continued for many years until one day they finally heard that Heartbeat Song but halfway through the pregnancy they learned he wasn't going to come home with them. "Why Don't You Wanna Stay with us little boy?" she cried over and over in the hospital bed, but within a week he was Already Gone. After all their struggle only to have it slip away. "Why did this happen to People Like Us", she wondered quite frequently. She would give anything to feel Invincible again like she did when she was younger. It was a very difficult time and they were living on the Dark Side for quite awhile in mourning.
Some months later, they decided they were ready to try again. They went to the RE and said, "There is so much pain Behind These Hazel Eyes, but we have so much love to give. The Trouble With Love Is, it makes you do things that other people think are crazy." And so, they decided to try to have another baby.
Their FET was a success yet the hardest part, surviving another pregnancy, was very difficult. At night she would talk to her little boy and say, "Because of You, I'm Thankful for life and Since You've Been Gone, I also know how fragile it is. Please keep your baby brother safe for me"
It was Some Kind of Miracle, but their second little baby boy arrived and was healthy and happy and safe. The instant they saw him they both said, "How amazing is it...he's here. Hold on....I need to Catch My Breath"
The two pregnancies were so heartbreaking, frustrating, long and complicated but it changed them in such a way that no other journey could have done. They say What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger and that is definitely the truth.
Here is Me, Jim and my BFF Kelly at one of her shows, Jim wore nail polish LOL
Saturday, July 18, 2015
FET Anniversary Date!
In honor of the 1 year anniversary of the FET that brought us our Thomas, I've decided to keep it light and compiled the Top 5 list that make perfect sense to IVF/FET moms but not to others:
5) I did a lot of drugs to get pregnant
4) We keep "child"'s sibling locked in a freezer
3) There were 10 people in the room when "child" was conceived
2) My husband/partner could have left for a cup of coffee when "child" was conceived
And for Number 1 ::drum roll please::::
1) Another man impregnated me....and my husband/partner is ok with that
Saturday, July 11, 2015
The Rainbow Connection
Being raised in a Catholic home and having gone to Catholic schools from Kindergarten through senior year in High School, one would think that I have an excellent relationship with God.
Wrong.
My faith and beliefs were never something that I honestly put a lot of thought into until Jim and I decided to start a family. Granted, I was one of the "fortunate" ones who knew ahead of time of her infertility issues and was able to go straight to the Reproductive Endocrinologist instead of spending a year trying, but I honestly never thought that the past few years would have been my future at that first doctors appointment.
I distinctly remember going to the cafe at the major medical hospital and getting the biggest strongest cup of coffee I could buy with the change in my purse. I walked confidently into the doctor's office and when I was called back I proudly told her that I was drinking the last cup of coffee that I would drink for 9 months. Little did I know.... plus, yeah, coffee is ok to drink when pregnant. Everything in moderation.
Regardless, the years that followed made me question my religious upbringing more and more. If there is a God (or anyone out there) then why am I being put through this test? Why do others who want less get more? Work less and get more? I spend my days and nights wishing and hoping and praying yet my prayers aren't answered. I fought and fought and fought until finally my prayers were answered and there was my Jack.
Finally everything was right in the world. Jim and I went to Church on Sundays and we even asked the priest to bless us and our baby to keep us all safe. I wore the St. Gerard, Saint of Motherhood, medal every single day from the first day of my cycle until the day Jack was born. I prayed the prayer for Motherhood and thanked God at the end of every day for my Jack.
After all that, someone still took him him away from me. Why? For someone who already struggled with the "Whys" of their religion and beliefs, having their first baby die sure doesn't help. For the past 18 months I've been wracking my brain trying to come up with reasons why he couldn't stay. Then one day a few months ago, I read a blog post written by another loss mom called "Because of You" and finally I had a reason.
"He might have asked you, in the realm of pure souls, where the unborn and the dead are pure warmth and love, to prepare him a mom and dad. He might have asked that you teach us to stretch the limits of our patience, that we learn to be more in the moment, to surrender to what is. He might have asked that you teach us, in a way that we would never forget, that life, when it is gentle, when it is ferocious and unfair, is always a gift. How a baby, a tiny new life, is a miracle and a gift for eternity. He might have asked you to make sure we remembered we are blessed, even as we role our eyes when he cries, confused and frazzled, in the middle of the night." ~~ http://stillstandingmag.com/2015/05/because-of-you-2/
To think that Thomas and Jack sat up in heaven together and discussed making us the best parents we could be just warms my heart in no way that I can possibly explain. I know and am 100% certain that the person I was say 5 years ago could never come close to appreciating and loving Thomas the way I do now. If Jack needed to come to us to show us how fragile and important life is, than I thank him for being such an amazing son and great big brother to Thomas in paving the way for his little brother. Perhaps you might say that Thomas has healed any negative feelings I had about God and my religion. To think that my son is anywhere but a beautiful amazing place like Heaven is something that just can't be true. There has to be something and someone out there and if Jack came to me to make me a better mother to Thomas than I can forgive him for being taken away from me.
Sometimes when its quiet, Thomas and I sit in his nursery and just talk about Jack. Thomas has started smiling and laughing a lot over the last month or so. However, he smiles and laughs the most when we are in his nursery. I'd like to think that Jack hangs out in there to keep an eye out over his little brother and Thomas is laughing at his silly brother.
They truly have a "Rainbow Connection".
Wrong.
My faith and beliefs were never something that I honestly put a lot of thought into until Jim and I decided to start a family. Granted, I was one of the "fortunate" ones who knew ahead of time of her infertility issues and was able to go straight to the Reproductive Endocrinologist instead of spending a year trying, but I honestly never thought that the past few years would have been my future at that first doctors appointment.
I distinctly remember going to the cafe at the major medical hospital and getting the biggest strongest cup of coffee I could buy with the change in my purse. I walked confidently into the doctor's office and when I was called back I proudly told her that I was drinking the last cup of coffee that I would drink for 9 months. Little did I know.... plus, yeah, coffee is ok to drink when pregnant. Everything in moderation.
Regardless, the years that followed made me question my religious upbringing more and more. If there is a God (or anyone out there) then why am I being put through this test? Why do others who want less get more? Work less and get more? I spend my days and nights wishing and hoping and praying yet my prayers aren't answered. I fought and fought and fought until finally my prayers were answered and there was my Jack.
Finally everything was right in the world. Jim and I went to Church on Sundays and we even asked the priest to bless us and our baby to keep us all safe. I wore the St. Gerard, Saint of Motherhood, medal every single day from the first day of my cycle until the day Jack was born. I prayed the prayer for Motherhood and thanked God at the end of every day for my Jack.
After all that, someone still took him him away from me. Why? For someone who already struggled with the "Whys" of their religion and beliefs, having their first baby die sure doesn't help. For the past 18 months I've been wracking my brain trying to come up with reasons why he couldn't stay. Then one day a few months ago, I read a blog post written by another loss mom called "Because of You" and finally I had a reason.
"He might have asked you, in the realm of pure souls, where the unborn and the dead are pure warmth and love, to prepare him a mom and dad. He might have asked that you teach us to stretch the limits of our patience, that we learn to be more in the moment, to surrender to what is. He might have asked that you teach us, in a way that we would never forget, that life, when it is gentle, when it is ferocious and unfair, is always a gift. How a baby, a tiny new life, is a miracle and a gift for eternity. He might have asked you to make sure we remembered we are blessed, even as we role our eyes when he cries, confused and frazzled, in the middle of the night." ~~ http://stillstandingmag.com/2015/05/because-of-you-2/
To think that Thomas and Jack sat up in heaven together and discussed making us the best parents we could be just warms my heart in no way that I can possibly explain. I know and am 100% certain that the person I was say 5 years ago could never come close to appreciating and loving Thomas the way I do now. If Jack needed to come to us to show us how fragile and important life is, than I thank him for being such an amazing son and great big brother to Thomas in paving the way for his little brother. Perhaps you might say that Thomas has healed any negative feelings I had about God and my religion. To think that my son is anywhere but a beautiful amazing place like Heaven is something that just can't be true. There has to be something and someone out there and if Jack came to me to make me a better mother to Thomas than I can forgive him for being taken away from me.
Sometimes when its quiet, Thomas and I sit in his nursery and just talk about Jack. Thomas has started smiling and laughing a lot over the last month or so. However, he smiles and laughs the most when we are in his nursery. I'd like to think that Jack hangs out in there to keep an eye out over his little brother and Thomas is laughing at his silly brother.
They truly have a "Rainbow Connection".
Tuesday, June 23, 2015
Father's Day
As I stood in the aisle at CVS trying to pick out a card for Jim, it took all I had not to break down in tears over each and every "Daddy" card. It's bad enough that I'm a hormonal disaster and cry over greeting cards in general (if you hear sobbing at CVS it's probably me picking out a birthday card), but this was different. I was picking out a card for Jim from Thomas and Jack. Clearly Thomas can't pick out his own cards as he is only 3 months old, but someday in the not so distant future he will be big enough and smart enough to read each card himself and decide which one he likes best for his Daddy.
I will always have to pick out Jack's card.
Today, June 23rd, also marks the half birthday for our little Jack. It's been a full 18 months since he's been gone and I just cannot fathom coming up on a 2nd birthday for him. They say your children grow so quick, and they do, but I think they "grow" quicker when they're not here for you to see time passing by in them. Without outgrowing clothes, increasing bottle feedings, sleeping longer at night.... time just . slips. away. and it makes me oh so sad.
In other news, we sent in our yearly payment for our embryo storage again. There are two embryos left just hanging out in an incubator waiting for us. After losing Jack and then my pregnancy with Thomas and scary delivery, I really thought I'd never want to go through that again. However, my Jack and Thomas were both in that incubator at one point or another and when I think how my life has changed so much because of them.... I think it is worth another shot someday.
I wonder who is in there ?
I will always have to pick out Jack's card.
Today, June 23rd, also marks the half birthday for our little Jack. It's been a full 18 months since he's been gone and I just cannot fathom coming up on a 2nd birthday for him. They say your children grow so quick, and they do, but I think they "grow" quicker when they're not here for you to see time passing by in them. Without outgrowing clothes, increasing bottle feedings, sleeping longer at night.... time just . slips. away. and it makes me oh so sad.
In other news, we sent in our yearly payment for our embryo storage again. There are two embryos left just hanging out in an incubator waiting for us. After losing Jack and then my pregnancy with Thomas and scary delivery, I really thought I'd never want to go through that again. However, my Jack and Thomas were both in that incubator at one point or another and when I think how my life has changed so much because of them.... I think it is worth another shot someday.
I wonder who is in there ?
Sunday, May 31, 2015
2 Months!!
My little Thomas is TWO MONTHS OLD today!!! Mind blown :::explosion sound:::
Mother's Day, I already blogged about in a separate post so I won't delve any further into that weekend. The Saturday of that weekend though I stood up in a wedding for my friend from high school. It was our first official night away from Thomas and with his lack of sleeping you can imagine that we were home pretty early! It was fun to get dressed up and have my hair and makeup done though since I've been feeling frumpy so it was sure a nice pick me up! On the plus side, my bridesmaid dress had to be altered and re-altered because it was too big. Heehee :) Here are some cute pictures of us from the wedding!!
That same week of my 6 week pp checkup, I got to cash in on my "push present". Typically a push present is a nice piece of jewelry but mine was a day at the spa!! For me, that is so much better than jewelry as I'm not a jewelry wearing person. Now the spa? That is definitely something that I can enjoy and it was MUCH needed by that point!! I started with a papaya scrub wrap, they had me take a hot shower afterwards. Let me tell you....being able to take a hot shower without having a baby screaming for me to pick him up was the best part. I got to stay in there for as long as I wanted, ahhhh wonderful. Then , I had an hour full body massage. Lunch from Panera. A facial and ending with a manicure. I left there completely relaxed and refreshed!!!
The following weekend was the annual Promise Walk for Preeclampsia. It was hard to believe its been a year already. Last year we had our team "Jogging for Jack" and raised close to $2000. This year, being in recovery from my csection I wasn't sure that I'd be able to walk it so I didn't put the team back together and just volunteered instead. Closer to the date of the walk, I actually realized I could have been fine to walk it afterall but had my SIL's baby shower to attend instead so that squashed any chance of walking this year. Next year for sure we'll do it and have a team and actually enjoy the day instead of only standing around a table selling merchandise. Its really the walk itself that is what the day is all about and makes it enjoyable. However, I was happy that I at least could be a part of the day even in a small part! Plus I got an extra shirt!:)
So now my little baby is 2 months old today. At his 2 month checkup, he was 9lbs and 19 3/4 inches long. According to the growth chart, his weight gain keeps him on track yet his growth was not enough to keep him on the chart. His pediatrician seems to think he was measured incorrectly so that its possible he grew enough if that was the case. Regardless, it wasn't too far off from where he should be so we'll just check him out at his 4 month check up and see how much he's grown then. He had one shot at his last doctors appointment but at this check up he had 2 shots and one oral medication. He was not a happy camper and all I have to say is TGFT (Thank Goodness for Tylenol) oh my goodness for a solid two days he was a crabby cakes!!! The second you'd give him the Tylenol though , all smiles. As part of his measurements, we discovered that his head circumference grew again. It was in the 77th percentile at his one month check up but now was in the 86th percentile. Jim and his family have large heads so the pediatrician was pretty sure it was just a familial thing but since Jack had Dandy Walker, a brain malformation, she ordered a head ultrasound of Thomas just to be sure everything was ok. He also needed a hip ultrasound since he was breech. I myself was breech and born with my hip out of place, which my mom thinks was due to my position, so we were happy to get both done and make sure everything is a-ok with our baby.
Later that week I took Thomas to the hospital to get his ultrasounds done. They had us sitting in the waiting room for over 1/2 hour so by the time we got called back, Thomas was squawking pretty loud!! He started making really loud grunting noises and then I started smelling something stinky, haha. Sure enough he left a little surprise in there just in time to have his ultrasounds. I ended up having to change him on the ultrasound table before they got started!! He didn't care for the head ultrasound, which I don't blame him. I had to hold his head in one position very still....which is impossible!! He was getting soooo mad that I wouldn't let him move his head around. When they put him on his side to scan his hip, he was a different baby. I think he actually liked laying on his side because he looked really content like that and didn't move an inch! We're still waiting to hear back from the results but I feel pretty good that both will be fine.
What is Thomas up to this month? Well.... he is still wearing mostly newborn clothes but slowly moving into his 0-3 month outfits. Mostly all onesies and shirts will fit but he needs to wear newborn pants. Its getting fun dressing him now that he's able to wear outfits! Here are a couple of our favorite outfits this month!
Thomas is not a fan of tummy time. We have tried it a few times but he falls asleep!! When he's on his back though he stays awake and seems more alert. He doesn't swat at his toys quite yet but he is putting his hands on his bottle while drinking and the other day he actually pulled his own paci out of his mouth!!
It seems as though we have found his winning combination of formula and medication. We switched him around 2 weeks ago to Similac Alimentum. He has been doing so much better with that plus the Prevacid. Of course its the most expensive type of Similac they sell but I'm of the belief that I'll pay any amount of money for formula if it stops him from screaming 24/7!! Since he has been on the formula, he is now drinking 5oz bottles!!! Also, almost every night this last week he has slept 6-7 consecutive hours at night without waking up for a bottle. Hallelujah!!!
Now that brings us to this weekend to round out the month! Yesterday Jim and I went out for a date night downtown. We really needed to spend some time together just us! We tried to go to the Field Museum for the Vikings exhibit but it was sold out. Instead we decided to go to the Planetarium. It was a great time and we saw a few "movies" there, one was 3d!!
After the Planetarium, we went to leave and head out to dinner but there was a torrential downpour outside!! There were a ton of people all crowding around the doors because they didn't want to go out in the rain. They pretty much kicked us all out as it was closing time so Jim and I ran to the bus stop and hopped on the bus that was waiting there before all the other people had that idea too. We were a little wet then, but when we got off the bus and started walking to dinner at The Melting Pot, we got sooooaked!!!! Of course neither of us had an umbrella!!! But it was worth it for the amazing meal we had....mmmmmmm my favorite place ever!!!
Which brings us to today.... Thomas' two month birthday!!! My cousin and his kids came over to meet him and they had so much fun taking turns holding him! They've been talking about meeting baby Thomas for so long I'm glad they were finally able to come by and meet him. We tried taking his 2 month pictures this morning but he was being very uncooperative. I had to put the paci in his mouth to get a good picture, haha!!! Our Molly Bear still hasn't arrived yet so next month I'm sure we'll be able to start using that in his monthly pictures. For now this is what we've got!!
Mother's Day, I already blogged about in a separate post so I won't delve any further into that weekend. The Saturday of that weekend though I stood up in a wedding for my friend from high school. It was our first official night away from Thomas and with his lack of sleeping you can imagine that we were home pretty early! It was fun to get dressed up and have my hair and makeup done though since I've been feeling frumpy so it was sure a nice pick me up! On the plus side, my bridesmaid dress had to be altered and re-altered because it was too big. Heehee :) Here are some cute pictures of us from the wedding!!
The week after the wedding/Mother's Day I had my 6 week postpartum check up with my OB. Everything looks to be healing accordingly and I was cleared for exercise other than walking, hurray!! I started a squat challenge to get my motivation back into gear. I started trying to do some other exercises like crunches and jumping jacks but I think I need to stick to motions that are NOT jumpy as the jumping motion shakes my flab which in turn shakes my incision. OUCH!! At the appointment, the OB asked me what form of birth control we'd be using. When I said, "None" , he gave me a pretty funny look. I told him that if we wound up back in his office without stopping at our infertility doctor first we'd go buy a lottery ticket. Obviously a "free baby" would be a miracle that would be most welcome so we're not concerned!! We got the cutest bib from the OB for Thomas... but its too cute to use so I'm just keeping it in his dresser :)
That same week of my 6 week pp checkup, I got to cash in on my "push present". Typically a push present is a nice piece of jewelry but mine was a day at the spa!! For me, that is so much better than jewelry as I'm not a jewelry wearing person. Now the spa? That is definitely something that I can enjoy and it was MUCH needed by that point!! I started with a papaya scrub wrap, they had me take a hot shower afterwards. Let me tell you....being able to take a hot shower without having a baby screaming for me to pick him up was the best part. I got to stay in there for as long as I wanted, ahhhh wonderful. Then , I had an hour full body massage. Lunch from Panera. A facial and ending with a manicure. I left there completely relaxed and refreshed!!!
So now my little baby is 2 months old today. At his 2 month checkup, he was 9lbs and 19 3/4 inches long. According to the growth chart, his weight gain keeps him on track yet his growth was not enough to keep him on the chart. His pediatrician seems to think he was measured incorrectly so that its possible he grew enough if that was the case. Regardless, it wasn't too far off from where he should be so we'll just check him out at his 4 month check up and see how much he's grown then. He had one shot at his last doctors appointment but at this check up he had 2 shots and one oral medication. He was not a happy camper and all I have to say is TGFT (Thank Goodness for Tylenol) oh my goodness for a solid two days he was a crabby cakes!!! The second you'd give him the Tylenol though , all smiles. As part of his measurements, we discovered that his head circumference grew again. It was in the 77th percentile at his one month check up but now was in the 86th percentile. Jim and his family have large heads so the pediatrician was pretty sure it was just a familial thing but since Jack had Dandy Walker, a brain malformation, she ordered a head ultrasound of Thomas just to be sure everything was ok. He also needed a hip ultrasound since he was breech. I myself was breech and born with my hip out of place, which my mom thinks was due to my position, so we were happy to get both done and make sure everything is a-ok with our baby.
Later that week I took Thomas to the hospital to get his ultrasounds done. They had us sitting in the waiting room for over 1/2 hour so by the time we got called back, Thomas was squawking pretty loud!! He started making really loud grunting noises and then I started smelling something stinky, haha. Sure enough he left a little surprise in there just in time to have his ultrasounds. I ended up having to change him on the ultrasound table before they got started!! He didn't care for the head ultrasound, which I don't blame him. I had to hold his head in one position very still....which is impossible!! He was getting soooo mad that I wouldn't let him move his head around. When they put him on his side to scan his hip, he was a different baby. I think he actually liked laying on his side because he looked really content like that and didn't move an inch! We're still waiting to hear back from the results but I feel pretty good that both will be fine.
What is Thomas up to this month? Well.... he is still wearing mostly newborn clothes but slowly moving into his 0-3 month outfits. Mostly all onesies and shirts will fit but he needs to wear newborn pants. Its getting fun dressing him now that he's able to wear outfits! Here are a couple of our favorite outfits this month!
Thomas is not a fan of tummy time. We have tried it a few times but he falls asleep!! When he's on his back though he stays awake and seems more alert. He doesn't swat at his toys quite yet but he is putting his hands on his bottle while drinking and the other day he actually pulled his own paci out of his mouth!!
It seems as though we have found his winning combination of formula and medication. We switched him around 2 weeks ago to Similac Alimentum. He has been doing so much better with that plus the Prevacid. Of course its the most expensive type of Similac they sell but I'm of the belief that I'll pay any amount of money for formula if it stops him from screaming 24/7!! Since he has been on the formula, he is now drinking 5oz bottles!!! Also, almost every night this last week he has slept 6-7 consecutive hours at night without waking up for a bottle. Hallelujah!!!
Now that brings us to this weekend to round out the month! Yesterday Jim and I went out for a date night downtown. We really needed to spend some time together just us! We tried to go to the Field Museum for the Vikings exhibit but it was sold out. Instead we decided to go to the Planetarium. It was a great time and we saw a few "movies" there, one was 3d!!
After the Planetarium, we went to leave and head out to dinner but there was a torrential downpour outside!! There were a ton of people all crowding around the doors because they didn't want to go out in the rain. They pretty much kicked us all out as it was closing time so Jim and I ran to the bus stop and hopped on the bus that was waiting there before all the other people had that idea too. We were a little wet then, but when we got off the bus and started walking to dinner at The Melting Pot, we got sooooaked!!!! Of course neither of us had an umbrella!!! But it was worth it for the amazing meal we had....mmmmmmm my favorite place ever!!!
Which brings us to today.... Thomas' two month birthday!!! My cousin and his kids came over to meet him and they had so much fun taking turns holding him! They've been talking about meeting baby Thomas for so long I'm glad they were finally able to come by and meet him. We tried taking his 2 month pictures this morning but he was being very uncooperative. I had to put the paci in his mouth to get a good picture, haha!!! Our Molly Bear still hasn't arrived yet so next month I'm sure we'll be able to start using that in his monthly pictures. For now this is what we've got!!
Just for fun....here are then and now pictures of my cousin's. First picture is me holding them, second is them holding Thomas. Oh how quickly time flies!
Jimmy...
Suzy and Maggie...
Sophie...
Monday, May 11, 2015
1st Earthly Mother's Day/ Jack's Due Date
Mother's Day is something most woman eagerly anticipate before they have children. You picture someday getting served breakfast in bed by your husband and bright eyed children, cards and cute little art projects, a day of celebration of you and appreciation for bringing life into the world.
I , like those other woman, also had such lofty expectations and while it would be some time before the cute art projects started rolling in, I had such excitement for what my first Mother's Day would be like. To hold that baby and to know I brought him/her into this world and have everyone around me celebrate....it would be amazing.
However, every year that went by without being pregnant or having a glimmer of hope of having a child the following Mother's Day, my vision of that perfect Mother's Day slowly and gradually began to fade. Maybe I'd never get that perfect Mother's Day that I'd envisioned for so long. Then came Jack. Not only was I going to finally be a mother but my miracle baby was actually DUE on Mother's Day. You don't get much more perfect than that.
Then he was gone.
When Mother's Day/ Jack's Due Date arrived last year it was the 2nd hardest day of my life. The first of course being the day he was born. We released balloons and Jim and I spent the day downtown to just have some us time. We wanted to light a candle at Old St. Patrick's Church downtown but they didn't have candles so instead we wrote prayers in the prayer book for our little Jack.
I was a Mother but no one was celebrating me. Some people recognized me but it wasn't a day of happiness and joy as I had pictured.
This journey has taught me a lot and my hardest lesson to learn has been that you can't plan everything in your life. Things don't always go the way you want or the way you think they should. Sometimes life throws you a curve ball and you just have to figure out the best way to duck.
Here we are a year later. Jack would have been a year old.... maybe walking? Would he be starting to talk? How many teeth would he have? All these questions we'll never know but now we get to see them in person with his little brother Thomas.
Today of all days, May 11th.... I just looked at Thomas' face and said "Thank you Jack.... you're not here but you picked out a pretty amazing little brother for your Mommy and Daddy to take care of here on Earth."
Mother's Day this year was our first with a child in our arms after so many years of wondering if it would ever happen. Thomas has been an amazing gift to us and we're so thankful to be blessed to be his parents. We didn't make too much of a big deal out of the day. I don't think it will ever feel right to celebrate Mother's Day the way that I pictured it to be years ago....and I'm fine with that. I don't need a celebration, I just need my little boy he's enough of a celebration for me.
I , like those other woman, also had such lofty expectations and while it would be some time before the cute art projects started rolling in, I had such excitement for what my first Mother's Day would be like. To hold that baby and to know I brought him/her into this world and have everyone around me celebrate....it would be amazing.
However, every year that went by without being pregnant or having a glimmer of hope of having a child the following Mother's Day, my vision of that perfect Mother's Day slowly and gradually began to fade. Maybe I'd never get that perfect Mother's Day that I'd envisioned for so long. Then came Jack. Not only was I going to finally be a mother but my miracle baby was actually DUE on Mother's Day. You don't get much more perfect than that.
Then he was gone.
When Mother's Day/ Jack's Due Date arrived last year it was the 2nd hardest day of my life. The first of course being the day he was born. We released balloons and Jim and I spent the day downtown to just have some us time. We wanted to light a candle at Old St. Patrick's Church downtown but they didn't have candles so instead we wrote prayers in the prayer book for our little Jack.
I was a Mother but no one was celebrating me. Some people recognized me but it wasn't a day of happiness and joy as I had pictured.
This journey has taught me a lot and my hardest lesson to learn has been that you can't plan everything in your life. Things don't always go the way you want or the way you think they should. Sometimes life throws you a curve ball and you just have to figure out the best way to duck.
Here we are a year later. Jack would have been a year old.... maybe walking? Would he be starting to talk? How many teeth would he have? All these questions we'll never know but now we get to see them in person with his little brother Thomas.
Today of all days, May 11th.... I just looked at Thomas' face and said "Thank you Jack.... you're not here but you picked out a pretty amazing little brother for your Mommy and Daddy to take care of here on Earth."
Mother's Day this year was our first with a child in our arms after so many years of wondering if it would ever happen. Thomas has been an amazing gift to us and we're so thankful to be blessed to be his parents. We didn't make too much of a big deal out of the day. I don't think it will ever feel right to celebrate Mother's Day the way that I pictured it to be years ago....and I'm fine with that. I don't need a celebration, I just need my little boy he's enough of a celebration for me.
Sunday, May 3, 2015
One Month!!! (a few days late)
I absolutely cannot believe I'm writing this post already....but Thomas is one month old!!! Time after pregnancy is going much faster than it did when I was pregnant. One month pregnancy time felt like 6 months normal time whereas one month Thomas time feels like a week. He's been such a joy and light to our lives and I'm so, so happy being his mommy.
Recovery Update-
At my 2 week post partum date, I had my incision check. Up until that date I hadn't been able to drive (regardless that I had stopped taking the high level pain meds over a week prior) and Jim was driving me everywhere. Thankfully my incision looked great and was given the clearance to drive and regain light/moderate activity. Naturally, knowing me, that means throw strollers into the trunk, carry heavy boxes of Summer clothes up three flights of stairs, etc. etc...etc.... LOL , I'm a very fidgety person can you tell?
So now I'm almost 5 weeks post partum!! In another week I have my 6 week checkup and will hopefully get the ok to do more exercise. Although, I think regardless of what he says I may just ease into it. I took Thomas for a walk in his stroller around the block the other day.
I shouldn't say it was a walk around the block though because.... Mommy got tired and had to turn around, LOL. It was more of a walk down the block and turn around to come home. Haha.
However, carrying him around in general and/or in his carseat plus getting rid of all the fluid from the C-section I'm officially now 6lbs under my pre-pregnancy weight. Matter of fact, I'm pretty sure my stomach is flatter now than it was before I got pregnant. I'm seriously a freak of nature, for real. Anything pregnancy related that "should" happen, with me the opposite happens....good or bad. Although now that I can eat whatever I want again I'm sure this wont last long!!! For the moment though, I'm enjoying this skinny mommy body :)
Thomas sees the world-
Thomas has been out and about with his Momma quite a bit lately. We try to limit ourselves to one "adventure" a day because taking him around to too many places doesn't really make him too happy. We've ventured out to Target numerous times and have gone couponing at CVS as well. We have been attempting to babywear and he seems to like it!!
Reflux-
About 2 weeks ago Jim went back to work and its been really difficult. Actually difficult is an understatement....its been pretty brutal. Basically since he's on midnights I'm up with Thomas all night (which I'll delve into next) and then I have him all day while Jim sleeps. I'm ex-freakin-hausted. The getting up periodically for feedings wouldn't be quite so bad but Thomas seems to have silent reflux and we've been working on making things a little more comfortable for him. His pediatrician at first switched his formula to a sensitive one and suggested we try gas drops when at first it seemed like just a gas issue. That didn't work so great and then he started then coughing and struggling to drink his bottle (which he's still on a relatively small amount... like 2-2.5 oz per bottle). Plus afterwards he makes the most heartbreaking noises like he's so uncomfortable! It just breaks my heart that he's having a tough time! His pediatrician then gave us a script for baby Zantac but over the course of the four days he took it, his symptoms got progressively worse until last night finally I just didn't give him the nighttime dose. He's not sleeping well, not eating well, so it doesn't seem like its working for him. Instead, tonight we gave him a little dose of Gripe Water and we'll see how he does with that instead. So far...while I'm typing, after the dose I put him in his swing (which I finally put batteries in and can use the vibration feature!!!) he fell asleep right away and has been asleep 2 hours! Eeeep!!! After last night's 8 hour scream fest...yes 8 hours.... we BOTH could use a decent nights sleep. If the combo gripe water and swing work then tomorrow the swing is moving from our living room to the bedroom so momma can sleep in her own bed!! Fingers crossed!!
One month updates-
Random nicknames for Thomas include: "Tdog" "Tbone" the up and coming in popularity "Toot Toot Thomas" or "Toots" for short. Also up and coming "Chubbalub" or "Chubs" and according to Jim and his family "Tommy Boy".
So what's Thomas up to now that he's a month old already you may wonder?? Besides being awake all the time of course, LOL!!! He's smiling a lot more!!! A lot of smiles are when he's asleep but he has started smiling for us when he's awake.
He's also showing interest in holding his own bottle!!
He weighs 7lbs 2oz and is 19 inches long now. His current weight is what we anticipated him weighing last month at birth! He has moved out of the preemie clothes and fits pretty decently into newborn clothes. He's still swimming in newborn onesies and I finally found that the Circo brand at Target has pants that fit his little skinny legs so now he has pants! We'd like to start making a schedule or routine for him for when I go back to work but at this point, just getting him to sleep at night is good enough for me. The rest we'll figure out later I suppose!! Here are some random monthly pictures of our little Thomas!
Thomas and Jack-
Although Thomas does have a brother he clearly won't be able to have the same relationship that most brothers do. That doesn't mean that it cant be special in its own way. We have a Molly Bear on order hopefully arriving by the end of this month. I'm going to be having Thomas' monthly pictures have the Molly Bear included with him. That way its as close as possible to having Jack in his pictures with him. I snapped this photo a few weeks ago of my two boys.
I'm honestly starting to get the pangs of sadness coming in again though, they come and go like the tide with the ebb and flow. Its not quite as overwhelming now that Thomas is here and I have so much to be thankful for with him in my life. Its still there though ready to pop up when I least expect it. Recently, I realized next week would have been Jack's 1st birthday. Suddenly the sadness popped up again. Honestly, I wonder if those moments will ever go away completely. There is always going to be something that comes up that Jack should have been doing and wont get the chance to. Its a strange feeling being an Earth mom and an Angel mom trying to balance your mind between both children. I am looking forward to watching Thomas grow and talking to him about his big brother Jack so that he's a part of his life even though he can't be present for it.
Recovery Update-
At my 2 week post partum date, I had my incision check. Up until that date I hadn't been able to drive (regardless that I had stopped taking the high level pain meds over a week prior) and Jim was driving me everywhere. Thankfully my incision looked great and was given the clearance to drive and regain light/moderate activity. Naturally, knowing me, that means throw strollers into the trunk, carry heavy boxes of Summer clothes up three flights of stairs, etc. etc...etc.... LOL , I'm a very fidgety person can you tell?
So now I'm almost 5 weeks post partum!! In another week I have my 6 week checkup and will hopefully get the ok to do more exercise. Although, I think regardless of what he says I may just ease into it. I took Thomas for a walk in his stroller around the block the other day.
I shouldn't say it was a walk around the block though because.... Mommy got tired and had to turn around, LOL. It was more of a walk down the block and turn around to come home. Haha.
However, carrying him around in general and/or in his carseat plus getting rid of all the fluid from the C-section I'm officially now 6lbs under my pre-pregnancy weight. Matter of fact, I'm pretty sure my stomach is flatter now than it was before I got pregnant. I'm seriously a freak of nature, for real. Anything pregnancy related that "should" happen, with me the opposite happens....good or bad. Although now that I can eat whatever I want again I'm sure this wont last long!!! For the moment though, I'm enjoying this skinny mommy body :)
Thomas sees the world-
Thomas has been out and about with his Momma quite a bit lately. We try to limit ourselves to one "adventure" a day because taking him around to too many places doesn't really make him too happy. We've ventured out to Target numerous times and have gone couponing at CVS as well. We have been attempting to babywear and he seems to like it!!
Reflux-
About 2 weeks ago Jim went back to work and its been really difficult. Actually difficult is an understatement....its been pretty brutal. Basically since he's on midnights I'm up with Thomas all night (which I'll delve into next) and then I have him all day while Jim sleeps. I'm ex-freakin-hausted. The getting up periodically for feedings wouldn't be quite so bad but Thomas seems to have silent reflux and we've been working on making things a little more comfortable for him. His pediatrician at first switched his formula to a sensitive one and suggested we try gas drops when at first it seemed like just a gas issue. That didn't work so great and then he started then coughing and struggling to drink his bottle (which he's still on a relatively small amount... like 2-2.5 oz per bottle). Plus afterwards he makes the most heartbreaking noises like he's so uncomfortable! It just breaks my heart that he's having a tough time! His pediatrician then gave us a script for baby Zantac but over the course of the four days he took it, his symptoms got progressively worse until last night finally I just didn't give him the nighttime dose. He's not sleeping well, not eating well, so it doesn't seem like its working for him. Instead, tonight we gave him a little dose of Gripe Water and we'll see how he does with that instead. So far...while I'm typing, after the dose I put him in his swing (which I finally put batteries in and can use the vibration feature!!!) he fell asleep right away and has been asleep 2 hours! Eeeep!!! After last night's 8 hour scream fest...yes 8 hours.... we BOTH could use a decent nights sleep. If the combo gripe water and swing work then tomorrow the swing is moving from our living room to the bedroom so momma can sleep in her own bed!! Fingers crossed!!
One month updates-
Random nicknames for Thomas include: "Tdog" "Tbone" the up and coming in popularity "Toot Toot Thomas" or "Toots" for short. Also up and coming "Chubbalub" or "Chubs" and according to Jim and his family "Tommy Boy".
So what's Thomas up to now that he's a month old already you may wonder?? Besides being awake all the time of course, LOL!!! He's smiling a lot more!!! A lot of smiles are when he's asleep but he has started smiling for us when he's awake.
He's also showing interest in holding his own bottle!!
He weighs 7lbs 2oz and is 19 inches long now. His current weight is what we anticipated him weighing last month at birth! He has moved out of the preemie clothes and fits pretty decently into newborn clothes. He's still swimming in newborn onesies and I finally found that the Circo brand at Target has pants that fit his little skinny legs so now he has pants! We'd like to start making a schedule or routine for him for when I go back to work but at this point, just getting him to sleep at night is good enough for me. The rest we'll figure out later I suppose!! Here are some random monthly pictures of our little Thomas!
Thomas and Jack-
Although Thomas does have a brother he clearly won't be able to have the same relationship that most brothers do. That doesn't mean that it cant be special in its own way. We have a Molly Bear on order hopefully arriving by the end of this month. I'm going to be having Thomas' monthly pictures have the Molly Bear included with him. That way its as close as possible to having Jack in his pictures with him. I snapped this photo a few weeks ago of my two boys.
Sunday, April 12, 2015
We left the hospital with a baby this time
One week later after being discharged from the hospital and it hit me....albeit a little late....we actually left the hospital this time and got to bring our baby home. The feeling is so surreal I can't even explain it....but I think I'm liking this whole "Earth Mommy" thing.
So recovery.... after my hour spent in the actual recovery room, although not fully recovered clearly, they moved a motionless me to Mother Baby. As soon as we were situated, both sets of our parents and my SIL were allowed to come into the room and meet their grandson/nephew Thomas.
Around 4:30pm , my patient tech for the evening came to visit me and told me I had to get out of bed. My response was pretty much something along the lines of, "I'msorrywhat?". I had heard that they get you up and moving pretty quick but I've been hearing that quick=next day and NOT 8 hours after surgery. Holy crap! Is this even allowed?? She assured me that I was still under the Morphine dose and it wouldn't be all that bad. She was mostly right...it wasn't, it just felt really, really weird. As soon as she helped me stand up, she walked me over to the bathroom which was confusing since I still had my catheter in. She gave me a squirt bottle full of warm water and explained to me how to give myself what I've now come to have read online is the "vaginal car wash". Yes folks, you gotta spray that thing down even though the baby came out the belly. I suppose it makes sense because the bleeding has to go somewhere and that is the closest point of exit but the idea of it was very strange. Apparently this would be my life the next few days every time I went to the bathroom. In addition to the car wash, I also was wrapped up by the nurses like a little sausage in my hospital grade binder. Oh my, what a wonderful invention that is :) Around that time I also began itching incessantly which was apparently a lovely left over from the Morphine as well. I already have itchy skin, as I have external mast cells on me, so that was a ton of fun let me tell you. The lovely nurses pumped my IV full of Benedryl and that seemed to help but it also knocked me out and left me pretty loopy even into the next morning. Needless to say, that was the one and only dose of Benedryl I took.
Most of my day Tuesday was spent thinking to myself, "Wow, this recovery isn't pleasant but its not that bad either". Little did I know, LOL. With the spinal block, they also inject a 24 hour dose of Morphine as well. I totally forgot that it would eventually wear off until I woke up on Wednesday morning and then.... Oh yeah, this sucks, everyone was right. Around 4:30am that morning the patient care tech came to visit and give me my Norco, which I had finally conceded to take, and asked me if I wanted to get out of bed and go to the bathroom. Honestly, I thought she was just being nice and asking me so I told her maybe later. Well, apparently she had a list of women to get their catethers out and make sure they went to the bathroom and I was first on the list. So she said, ok fine well I'll be back for you later. Sure enough about an hour later she was back!!! Catheter came out and to the bathroom I went!!! The nurse came in a little later and locked my IV but left it in me just in case. After I went to the bathroom twice, she did come back in and remove it completely.
The rest of our time there we spent getting to know our little boy a little better. He slept in the nursery the first two nights but stayed in our room on Thursday night. He also had a lot of visitors!!! Great Grandma Shirley, Uncle John and Aunt Jill, Jim and Donna, "Auntie" Laura, and Mommy's cousins Mike and Donna. We also had a complimentary photo shoot with Bella Baby but after she left, I took a picture of my own with his brothers blanket. We have a newborn shoot scheduled with the photographer that did our maternity photos soon so we'll have more to share soon as the Bella Baby ones were pretty expensive!!
To start off the "We're Home Now" portion of the blog post, we need to start with a "40 week" bump shot since Thomas was born at 39w2d. I tried as best as I could to hold him in the exact position he was when I was pregnant....this is pretty close :)
Unfortunately with all the fluids they pumped into me with my csection, I actually came home from the hospital weighing MORE than I did while pregnant. I am, however, happy to report that less than 2 weeks after Thomas was born I now weigh LESS than I did BEFORE I got pregnant. Thank you GD!! You made me absolutely insane and crazy while pregnant worrying about the safety of my little Thomas but now that he's here and perfect and healthy.... I'm kinda liking the fact that I'm the size I am. Instead of working off baby weight I can focus on losing the weight I didn't get a chance to lose before getting pregnant with T. Phew! If....and that is a big if.... I get pregnant again someday, whether I have GD or not I'm going to follow the diet again. Matter of fact...I think I'm going to sort of stay on it now to try and lose the 15-20lbs that I'd have liked to have lost last year. We'll see, LOL
Thomas was due on Easter Sunday but he got to spend Easter with us at home. However, our Easter Sunday started with.....would you be expecting anything other than..... a trip to the ER. The massive amount of swelling was so out of control and my legs hurt so bad and when I took my blood pressure the cuff said 160/100. The day after I got home from the hospital with Jack is when my blood pressure spiked to 170/100 so this wasn't too far off and I made Jim take me back to the hospital to get checked out. My MIL came over to watch Thomas and off we went. When we got there my pressure was only something like 152/85, which is still wonky but not as bad. They drew labs, took a urine sample, hooked me up to another IV and blood pressure cuff. Labs came back normal , urine normal, and as I sat there blood pressure came back down so they unhooked me and I went home! We had originally planned on going to my IL's for dinner but after such an adventure of a morning, plus my recovery was going pretty slow at that point (yikes....they say Csection recovery is a PITA but you have no idea unless you've been there, lol!!!!) so we ended up spending Easter at home just the three of us. Thomas got all dressed up with his humungo bunny ears and everything!!
He had his first pediatrician appointment last week and he dropped a few ounces. The doctor isn't worried since he left the hospital at 5lbs 15oz and weighed 5lbs 9oz at her office, since there is usually a difference in scale and it wasn't that substantial of a loss in weight she just wanted him to come back next week for a follow up weight check just so we have it on the same scales. With how much he's been eating the last week I'm sure he's gained weight by now!! He is actually so teeny tiny that all of his newborn clothes that we had for him were too big!!
My MIL was nice enough to go preemie clothes shopping and get him a few outfits to get him through until his first growth spurt. And here I was worried that he'd be too big and not have a chance to wear his clothes....and now he'll be wearing newborn clothes when he's not a newborn anymore at this rate! Even his no scratch mittens are huge on him....
Last update of our new adventures of being home.....bath time. He hated it in the hospital and clearly he hates it at home too, haha
That's about all for now I guess!!! We will update again soon I promise!!
So recovery.... after my hour spent in the actual recovery room, although not fully recovered clearly, they moved a motionless me to Mother Baby. As soon as we were situated, both sets of our parents and my SIL were allowed to come into the room and meet their grandson/nephew Thomas.
Around 4:30pm , my patient tech for the evening came to visit me and told me I had to get out of bed. My response was pretty much something along the lines of, "I'msorrywhat?". I had heard that they get you up and moving pretty quick but I've been hearing that quick=next day and NOT 8 hours after surgery. Holy crap! Is this even allowed?? She assured me that I was still under the Morphine dose and it wouldn't be all that bad. She was mostly right...it wasn't, it just felt really, really weird. As soon as she helped me stand up, she walked me over to the bathroom which was confusing since I still had my catheter in. She gave me a squirt bottle full of warm water and explained to me how to give myself what I've now come to have read online is the "vaginal car wash". Yes folks, you gotta spray that thing down even though the baby came out the belly. I suppose it makes sense because the bleeding has to go somewhere and that is the closest point of exit but the idea of it was very strange. Apparently this would be my life the next few days every time I went to the bathroom. In addition to the car wash, I also was wrapped up by the nurses like a little sausage in my hospital grade binder. Oh my, what a wonderful invention that is :) Around that time I also began itching incessantly which was apparently a lovely left over from the Morphine as well. I already have itchy skin, as I have external mast cells on me, so that was a ton of fun let me tell you. The lovely nurses pumped my IV full of Benedryl and that seemed to help but it also knocked me out and left me pretty loopy even into the next morning. Needless to say, that was the one and only dose of Benedryl I took.
Most of my day Tuesday was spent thinking to myself, "Wow, this recovery isn't pleasant but its not that bad either". Little did I know, LOL. With the spinal block, they also inject a 24 hour dose of Morphine as well. I totally forgot that it would eventually wear off until I woke up on Wednesday morning and then.... Oh yeah, this sucks, everyone was right. Around 4:30am that morning the patient care tech came to visit and give me my Norco, which I had finally conceded to take, and asked me if I wanted to get out of bed and go to the bathroom. Honestly, I thought she was just being nice and asking me so I told her maybe later. Well, apparently she had a list of women to get their catethers out and make sure they went to the bathroom and I was first on the list. So she said, ok fine well I'll be back for you later. Sure enough about an hour later she was back!!! Catheter came out and to the bathroom I went!!! The nurse came in a little later and locked my IV but left it in me just in case. After I went to the bathroom twice, she did come back in and remove it completely.
The rest of our time there we spent getting to know our little boy a little better. He slept in the nursery the first two nights but stayed in our room on Thursday night. He also had a lot of visitors!!! Great Grandma Shirley, Uncle John and Aunt Jill, Jim and Donna, "Auntie" Laura, and Mommy's cousins Mike and Donna. We also had a complimentary photo shoot with Bella Baby but after she left, I took a picture of my own with his brothers blanket. We have a newborn shoot scheduled with the photographer that did our maternity photos soon so we'll have more to share soon as the Bella Baby ones were pretty expensive!!
Finally the day we were looking forward to most arrived. The day we all go home together!!! What I didn't anticipate was how small Thomas would be and the outfit I brought for him to go home in was WAY too big!!! So we had to improvise. We got the bags down to the car, Thomas strapped into his car seat, and we were on our way!!
Unfortunately with all the fluids they pumped into me with my csection, I actually came home from the hospital weighing MORE than I did while pregnant. I am, however, happy to report that less than 2 weeks after Thomas was born I now weigh LESS than I did BEFORE I got pregnant. Thank you GD!! You made me absolutely insane and crazy while pregnant worrying about the safety of my little Thomas but now that he's here and perfect and healthy.... I'm kinda liking the fact that I'm the size I am. Instead of working off baby weight I can focus on losing the weight I didn't get a chance to lose before getting pregnant with T. Phew! If....and that is a big if.... I get pregnant again someday, whether I have GD or not I'm going to follow the diet again. Matter of fact...I think I'm going to sort of stay on it now to try and lose the 15-20lbs that I'd have liked to have lost last year. We'll see, LOL
Thomas was due on Easter Sunday but he got to spend Easter with us at home. However, our Easter Sunday started with.....would you be expecting anything other than..... a trip to the ER. The massive amount of swelling was so out of control and my legs hurt so bad and when I took my blood pressure the cuff said 160/100. The day after I got home from the hospital with Jack is when my blood pressure spiked to 170/100 so this wasn't too far off and I made Jim take me back to the hospital to get checked out. My MIL came over to watch Thomas and off we went. When we got there my pressure was only something like 152/85, which is still wonky but not as bad. They drew labs, took a urine sample, hooked me up to another IV and blood pressure cuff. Labs came back normal , urine normal, and as I sat there blood pressure came back down so they unhooked me and I went home! We had originally planned on going to my IL's for dinner but after such an adventure of a morning, plus my recovery was going pretty slow at that point (yikes....they say Csection recovery is a PITA but you have no idea unless you've been there, lol!!!!) so we ended up spending Easter at home just the three of us. Thomas got all dressed up with his humungo bunny ears and everything!!
So now we're home and we've been hanging in there pretty good a little over a week with our little miracle of a rainbow baby. I can't help but just stare at him all day and shake my head because I cant even wrap my head around the fact that he's here and healthy and safe in our arms. Thomas (knock on wood) is a good sleeper and although we did have some trouble getting him to eat the 2oz the nurses said he should be eating, we recently discovered his preference for Similac. Now he's gulping down 2-2.5oz with each bottle. He had his first pediatrician appointment last week and he dropped a few ounces. The doctor isn't worried since he left the hospital at 5lbs 15oz and weighed 5lbs 9oz at her office, since there is usually a difference in scale and it wasn't that substantial of a loss in weight she just wanted him to come back next week for a follow up weight check just so we have it on the same scales. With how much he's been eating the last week I'm sure he's gained weight by now!! He is actually so teeny tiny that all of his newborn clothes that we had for him were too big!!
My MIL was nice enough to go preemie clothes shopping and get him a few outfits to get him through until his first growth spurt. And here I was worried that he'd be too big and not have a chance to wear his clothes....and now he'll be wearing newborn clothes when he's not a newborn anymore at this rate! Even his no scratch mittens are huge on him....
He has been able to nap in his crib a few afternoons and averaged about an hour which I was really proud of him!! I, of course, stared at him on the monitor for the entire hour while I had my coffee and/or showered which is one of two things I have been doing while he naps. He looked so small and tiny in his crib I had to take his picture...especially with his "King of all Wild Things" painting above him, heehee
You're probably all wondering what Chesney thinks of Thomas. Well, we're not too sure what she thinks. She seems to be overly concerned though with him when he cries and gets waaaaay too excited when someone holds him. I think she's already starved for attention. Poor dog its not going to get any better, haha. She likes to get as close to the edge of the couch and peek in on Thomas when he's in his Rock n' Play. Honestly, I'm worried one of these times she'll try and jump in there with him. Therefore, she is not allowed to be alone with him in the room. She looks pretty cute though in this picture watching over him.That's about all for now I guess!!! We will update again soon I promise!!
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