30 weeks!! Single digit countdown!!!

This past week was busy busy busy!!!  This is definitely a novel so I've titled everything to make it easier to skip parts that aren't of interest :)

Before going on with the blog I have to AW  (attention whore, LOL...blog/message board speak) the gift from my friend and fellow blogger Krystal and her boys Conner and Ben. I promised a picture and forgot to post during the week. Here is the cute lovey and blanket they gave Thomas. It fits in so great with his nursery theme :) 

Tour of Labor & Delivery

I've decided against taking any sort of childbirth classes for this pregnancy. My thinking is that I've technically been there done that and it was pretty awful. I don't need or want any reminders of what it to come again so I'd like to be "surprised" if you will. However, we did decide to take a tour of the L&D department so we knew where to go, what the rooms look like, get any tips for coming in that day, etc. Well....yeah, it didn't go so well at all. I was nervous to begin with but thought since Jack wasn't even born at this hospital that I could handle the nerves.

We got there and checked in and I was fine all of about 2 seconds into the tour when the tour guide asked for a show of hands for who this was their first baby. She then asked who was due in February, in March, in April.....then we proceeded to move out of the lobby. The walk from the lobby to the entrance of Labor and Delivery is very short but by the time we got to our first talking point outside the L&D doors I was already starting to cry. They have a display of infant footprints on the wall for those that belong to the hospital "Cradle Club" and the tour guide pointed it out and mentioned how small some of the feet were. Cue the hyperventilation. Honestly, I didn't think I was going to make it to finish the tour since I started seeing stars from lack of oxygen.

Thankfully (???)  someone on our tour fainted which gave me a chance to regroup while they tended to her. We were out in the hallway and I just had to keep telling myself "This is a happy time" over and over and eventually I talked myself out of that state of mind.

Its so hard to control something when it takes over you like that. I feel so OUT of control at times because my brain gets all fired up before I can even do something about it. Since I'm already concerned about this reaction the day Thomas is born I'm taking the suggestion of someone in my Share group and bringing comforting things from home to the hospital and Jim has promised to keep me focused on staying present.

Honestly....I'm hopeful even more so now that he comes on his own. Rather than sitting around waiting for the induction day. Then sitting around the hospital waiting for labor. I don't really think I'll have time for panic and hyperventilating if I'm in full on labor out of nowhere.

Starting to pray now for dilation, contractions, and water breakage starting at 38+1. Please.

Regular OB Appointment

Wednesday morning I had my last every 4 week OB appointment. Next week is my last week without a doctor appointment of some kind. The following week starts the crazy time where I have at least one if not two doctor appointments a week. Ahh!

So my appointment was just a regular routine appointment. Blood pressure is good, no protein in urine, T's hr is perfect and despite STILL not having gained a pound since November my belly is sized accordingly. Hey, I'm not complaining but its just weird to think of a pregnant woman not gaining weight.

My only concern was this sudden fatigue and weakness that hits maybe once or twice a day. I can't pinpoint when it will happen but every so often I get exhausted and my legs feel like they will collapse. Apparently this is just a fun third trimester woe.... yay, LOL

I asked again about when I'd be induced and the OB said anytime that 39th week that I could pick the day essentially. Its strange to think about picking the day that your child is born, right? At first I thought well just go with 39+1, March 30th ...but if it takes longer than a day then Thomas would be born on the anniversary of a very close family friend to my IL's passing away. So then we thought April 1st....but then if it happens the same day then Thomas will be born on April Fools Day. I already feel like a cruel joke has been played on us losing Jack then his brother is born on AFD? Too weird for me....although it would be "funny" to post on FB something like "I had a baby today... April Fools or Not? I'll never tell" LOL


Share Walk Kick Off Meeting

Wednesday evening was the first meeting for the Share Walk in October. I'm so happy to be able to participate even though its still so far away!  I've volunteered to be a "Day Of Coordinator". I'm so excited! I also ordered a box of Girl Scout cookies from one of the other moms and its perfect because I probably won't get them until March and then I can actually eat them. Mmmmmm Samoas :)



Baptism Preparedness Class

Thursday night we had our class for Thomas' baptism. After losing Jack, God and I have a love hate relationship so when we were introducing ourselves to the class and had to mention a time when God was present in our lives, I had no idea what to say when it came to my turn. Pretty much every person there said "When our child was born". Well... I can't exactly say that I felt God present at all the day Jack was born. In fact that was probably the moment I felt like he was farthest away from us that he could possibly be. I started panicking trying to think of something to say when it came to my turn and also wondering if/how I should mention Jack in my intro to the group. Thankfully Jim went before I did and told the group that Thomas was our second which made my intro a lot easier and a lot of stress was lifted not having to worry about how to approach that with a room full of strangers. So when it came to my turn I said that God and I have struggled this last year in our relationship but I feel his presence with every sign that I get from my son in heaven. We told the class even about the cloud formation we saw last year that was shaped like a baby and how looking at the picture now, the baby in the cloud looks like Thomas. Our instructor said that our story gave her chills....me too lady, lol :)

Anywho....we had a brief instruction on how the day of the event goes and so now I can call tomorrow and officially schedule his baptism. It will be the last Sunday in June now....which is like the 3rd time we've changed our mind on the date. There are a lot of other family events going on between May and July plus Jim's vacation request for July (when we wanted to have it originally) was turned down so June 28th it is (provided its still available!).

Dietician Appointment
Pretty much the same things as usual. I'm not eating proper number of carbs, not enough (or really any) fruits and veggies, need more calcium, etc, etc, etc..... grocery shopping these days is really hard to do. Not only am I too tired to push a cart around a store, stand there while I read every label, and then load up the bags in the car...I also have to time it for when Jim is home and awake so he can bring them into the house. Plus then, I'm already exhausted from the shopping aspect that I have no energy to put everything away.

I don't know why I didn't think of it before, but my dietician said "Sounds like you should just order Peapod" so that's what I did. Oh it was so exciting to spend my normal two hours reading labels from my couch and having them just arrive Saturday morning and dropped off in my kitchen. :::Sigh:::: Yes Peapod you have saved me once again :)

Weekly Thoughts

My mother in law and grandmother in law bought us our stroller/car seat!!! I began to assemble it, but unfortunately one of the parts were missing so we have to wait on Customer Service at Graco to send us a new one. Oh well....we have some time and regardless even if we didn't we can still use the carseat and base without the stroller if we absolutely had to.


So yeah, wow 30 weeks. As mentioned previously, I'm hopeful for him to come during 38 weeks on his own. I think we'll have a few little talks and tell him he needs to listen to his momma. So if he does listen, then there's only 8 weeks left. If not, only 9 weeks left. Either way, we're in single digits folks!!

His nursery is officially completed....minus the stuff we get from showers....and him, LOL. We put the mattress in the crib, Jim hung the frames on the wall, and we're all set. Now that everything that can be organized is organized I'm just loafing around. Haha.

Thomas and I were at a 1st birthday party yesterday for a coworker/my former boss.....he was quiet the whole day but when her husband said it was time for cake he started kicking and moving around. Ok little boy, we know where your priorities are now. Don't think when you pop out you're getting cake anytime soon, LOL

I love looking at his smoosh face on the ultrasound pictures but I'm getting really antsy now. I just want to see him in person....not today though of course (Ahhh!)   but I hope time moves fast and he's here soon safe and sound in his "Wild" nursery :)

Here's 30 weeks! Please don't mind my messy appearance I'm technically still wearing the same shirt I had on yesterday I'm having a sleep all weekend weekend   :/

29 weeks.... Chugga Chugga Choo Choo

Weeks are chugging right along and its seriously mind boggling that next week I'll be in single digit weeks until Thomas is here. Every week that goes by I breath a little more of a sigh of relief. I'm hopeful that he stays put until his eviction date (more on that to follow) but every week further along its a little further away from having a preemie so keep it up T!

GD update:
Last week was a bad week. I didn't eat nearly enough and forgot to check my sugar levels quite often. It was so bad that I felt that the alarms on my phone as reminders to eat weren't enough so I had to come up with some additional ideas. First, I decided to set a 2hour timer on my phone when I begin a meal. That way, no matter what I'm doing I cant get too wrapped up in it to forget when that annoying beeping starts up! So far that seems to be helping. I also made myself something that I'm calling my "pregnancy chart". Starting this week I'll have this on my fridge and have to check things off each day to make sure nothing is missed. Hope it works!



 

So far this week I've been making a more conscious effort to do the best I can and seems to be working. My fasting levels in the morning have been in the 80s and 2 hours after meals around 90s. Today I had lunch (well I had breakfast) with a friend and decided to do an "experiment" and eat my favorite breakfast meal and see what happened. I ordered the red velvet French toast w/fresh strawberries, a glass of milk , and a side of bacon. I only ate two circular shaped pieces of the toast (cream cheese is considered a freebie), didn't eat the whipped cream, and ate all the bacon and strawberries. I was very very happy to see that my after meal sugar was only 94 :)    So I can't eat tortillas but I can eat red velvet French toast? Yeah, I think I can live with that, LOL

 

 

MFM Appointment:

 

Friday was another growth scan with the MFM. Despite my previous issue with "irritability" everything still is looking great. Thomas weighs 2lbs 12oz now (getting close to that 3lb mark!!) and actually looks like a chubby little baby now. Jim and I jokingly said he looked like a little grandpa....he kinda does :)  I was really happy to see that his weight is appropriate for his gestational age because I haven't gained any weight recently. Matter of fact....in almost 2 months not a pound. Granted yes I know that the MFM told me she only wanted me to gain 15-20lbs max and I've been hanging out at 12lbs since before the GD diet even started but it still worries me because I want to be sure that Thomas has what he needs. Apparently he does! MFM had mentioned that its not surprising, and actually pretty common, that women with GD either lose weight or else plateau for awhile after beginning the diet or medication just because its such a restricted way of eating with a limited amount of calories but assured me that pretty soon some more weight will come on especially as Thomas gets bigger. Don't get me wrong, I feel very pregnant but sometimes I look in the mirror and think I look too small.....but then I lift up my shirt and check out the mass amount of stretch marks that form every day and realize something must be going on in there, haha!!

 

We also asked her for more clarification on when I'd be induced. Awhile ago all she said was that I wouldn't be allowed to go past 39 weeks so we asked her if that meant 38 weeks or 39 exactly? Since 39 weeks exactly for me is a Sunday she said they'd bring me in at 39+1 to start the induction of course that much is officially up to the OB. Now my OB for some reason seems to think my weeks change over on Fridays (no idea why) and so according to them 39 weeks would be March 27th. If they agree with me and the MFM about my due date being April 5th,  then March 30th may be Thomas' birthday.....or if it takes two days like I've read it can..... he may be born on April Fools Day. I think that would be funny to joke with him every year that we didn't buy him a birthday present. Haha Thomas, April Fools/Happy Birthday. Ok I'm demented. Either way sometime end of March unless he has other plans I'll be induced.

 

Here is Thomas' latest glamour shot and we were so happy that for once he was cooperative and gave a totally clear shot of his face. I think he's just tired of being poked so he's given up and going with the flow now.

 

 

 

Nursery Updates:

 

Today Thomas got a new blanket and lovey from my friend Krystal and her boys Conner and Ben. Its a giraffe lovey that says "Wild Thing" and a super soft blanket which is so perfectly fitting for his room! Plus a nice addition to the baby wipes stockpile :)  I'll have to post a picture one day this week since I was so excited to put them away in the nursery I forgot to take a picture (please see a few paragraphs below about my overly exaggerated nesting issues, LOL).

 

Earlier this week a friend of mine from high school, who is a very talented artist, had come by last week to do some paintings on the walls of the nursery. Since we're going with the "Where the Wild Things Are" theme its only fitting to have a wild thing on the wall right?!?  I also found a wall decal on Etsy but was worried that the colors they offered wouldn't show through the dark green color we painted the walls so she painted what the decal would have said instead! I was so so happy with how it turned out and it looks even cuter in person since its tough taking pictures in Thomas' room with how bright the lights are.

 

 

 

Speaking of how bright the lights are....the lamp came in too!!! Now we can have some light but not over brightness! Technically so did the frames for the prints but we still have to hang them on the wall. Here is the little lamp all set up and its perfect for what I needed in here! The noise machine fits perfectly on the top little shelf and then we'll have the bottom shelf for either a picture frame or maybe that Pinterest thing I saw where the binkies are all in a jar to keep them clean ....or maybe both, there is enough room on the shelf I think!

 







Basically we only have to put the mattress in the crib and hang the frames on the wall and this nursery is D.O.N.E. I will feel so much better when its complete. This nesting thing is for the birds....LOL pun partially intended. I have sooo much nervous energy and all day long while I'm working all I can think about are things that still need to get done for the nursery. I'm hopeful that once its done completely my mind will quiet down a little....probably not, LOL

 

 

 

Me and my weekly thoughts:

So yeah 29 weeks, wow. I've been thinking a lot about the fact that I'll be induced and I've been reading and pinning a lot of ideas for inducing labor naturally. Obviously I don't want him to come now but I have a bridal shower on March 22nd, which is 38 weeks, and so anytime after that if he wants to do it himself would be fine with me! After such a rotten, awful and so far from normal birth experience with Jack I really would like to have a "normal" experience with Thomas. Even if that only means going into labor on my own at home. Having my water break and having that  "OH SHIT!!!" moment when you aren't expecting it. Having non medicated labor pains and rushing to the hospital to have them say "Wow, what a surprise to see you!!" Granted, if it doesn't happen then it doesn't happen I just want him to get here as quickly and safely as possible. It just would be nice that's all.

 

Here's my picture of my last week in the 20s!!  ***Still able to wear non-maternity clothes!!***

 

 

28 weeks..... Third Trimester for Lemony Snicket

Some say 3rd trimester starts at 26+6....some say it starts at 27.....some say it starts at 28......well, either way you look at it, I'm officially in third trimester, ahhhhh!

Things are starting to look and feel real around here and I'm not quite sure I'm totally ready to let down my guard just yet. Our nursery art will be painted on the walls this week and the frames will arrive so that we can hang the prints. I also ordered this lamp from Walmart that I'm particularly excited about! We needed a little extra light plus I needed a place to put the noise machine and maybe a picture frame or two....this solves all problems in one!

My mom mailed out her invitations for her shower and my MIL's shower invites will be headed out soon too....which means I'm going to be stalking my registry now to see if/when things are bought. I'm too OCD to just wait and see, yah no I want to start planning for where to put things! I fixed up a few final things tonight so its 100% good to go. I cant believe I forgot to register for Wubbanubs, gahhh they're so cute!

Yesterday I also used my Xmas money and got two really cute outfits for both of the showers. I'd post pics of what I got but I don't want to ruin the surprise :) While I was changing in the dressing room I happened to notice a new brood of stretch marks on the horizon. Oh well....as my friend says they are marks of a warrior. Yes indeed that I am!

Anywho.....this week wasn't too bad. No more contractions, yay!!!  I do, however, have a clot in my right hand from where they tried to put the IV in. Hence the title of the blog post (Lemony Snicket: A Series of Unfortunate Events is a popular kids book series) , haha. This week also made me sooooo very appreciative of the opportunity to work from home. We had our first official snow and some brutal temperatures this week and I stayed on my couch with my comfy bear slippers I got for Xmas!
That's about all for now I guess.....here is my official "Hello 3rd trimester" shot, a pic of Chesney and (what she thinks is hers) my maternity pillow, and some nesting in full force!

 

6-9mo & 12mo+ clothing and drawers for blankets

Label says "Outgrown"...self explanatory, lol

166 Nb and 195 Size1 (only two things of wipes but I think I may make my own when I run out!), I've been slacking on couponing for these but its a start :)

 

 

27 weeks....my ute is mad

This has been a tough week so far. Entering third trimester in a lot of ways has felt like a regression into 1st trimester with the nausea and fatigue. However, the back pain and cramps were new. For the better part of a week I've been anxiously awaiting the arrival of my support belt which was supposed to arrive Friday. Must to my dismay and excitement, it arrived on NYE!! 

Of course the second I realized I had my belt it had to go on so I ripped through the packaging and strapped that puppy around my waist. Pretty soon after I had it adjusted properly, Thomas started throwing a fit and thrashing around. I think it was smooshing him and he didn't like it. His thrashing was just as uncomfortable as the back pain so I took the belt off for the time being.

With the newfound back pain also came cramps in my stomach. On occasion they'd both happen together in a quick spasm-y type of feeling. Not so much painful just startling. However, the last couple days the cramps were coming on again but painful this time, almost like bad period cramps. We were at Jim's family's house last night for a "going away party" since his parents leave for Florida in a few days when the cramps kicked in again but weren't going away and felt similar to the labor pains I had with Jack, just not as strong. At Jim and my mother in law's heeding, Jim took me to the ER at the hospital closest to our house. The same hospital where I had my second hospital stint after Jack's delivery last year. When I told the person at the registration desk I was 27 weeks pregnant, having cramps and back pain, she immediately went and got a wheelchair and wheeled me over to the Labor and Delivery unit.

As we were waiting at the L&D desk to give them my information you could hear a woman in labor yelling and causing a commotion. That was just enough to set me over the edge and breakdown. All I could think about was being there last year and how I don't have my Jack anymore. Now I'm here for Thomas and its too early for him to be here....maybe he'd be ok but I cant go through losing another son tonight. I think the person wheeling me around figured it would be better to get me out of there so she wheeled me out of L&D and brought me to Maternity triage instead.

They gave me a gown, made me pee in a cup, and hooked me up to a heart rate monitor for Thomas and a contraction monitor to see what was going on. We hung out there for awhile, Thomas was having fun bumping the monitor and moving around so that his heart rate couldn't be detected. It almost seemed like he was having fun with it! At first the nurse was looking at the reading from the contraction monitor and said there were a few blips but it looked like uterine irritability so she was going to leave it on for a little while longer and see if anything changed while they ran my urine for protein and to check for UTI , etc..... after she left the cramps were getting worse so I wasn't surprised that when she came back in the room (with a 2nd nurse) that she said they were showing stronger contractions on the paper and they needed to look into the cause a little more. The OB on call ordered an IV with fluids to see if the contractions would stop plus something called a Fetal Fibronectin Test  to see if I was going into preterm labor. If it were to come back positive there was a chance of going into labor within the next two weeks, although there are chances for the test to be false positive. A negative was for sure negative that was I was at least good for a few weeks.

Three sticks later, they were able to get the IV in me, they also gave me some Tylenol to help with the pain from the cramps. The Fetal Fibronectin Test wasn't all that much fun... its like a pap smear except they cant use lube on the speculum because it would interfere with the results of the FFN test. Yikes.

We sat and sat and sat until finally the nurse came in and let me know that the FFN was negative which was a huge relief! The OB on call came down to see me and said based on the contractions I was having, since they weren't long enough or strong enough to be considered labor, coupled with the negative FFN test, that he was in fact calling this uterine irritability. So many things can cause it, dehydration, stress, lifting heavy objects, an active baby, even a full bladder....so its tough to determine what caused my issues. He instructed me to call my usual doctor and see about getting in to see them sooner than scheduled just for a full check up and gave me my list of things to look out for....bleeding, leaking, etc... He suggested Tylenol, hot baths, resting with my feet up as much as possible.

Finally at about 1am we were able to go home and we both were so happy to get released and not have to spend the night there!!  I'm going to call my MFM tomorrow and see if my appointment scheduled for the 16th can be bumped up hopefully either tomorrow or Tuesday. The OB on call last night didn't order a transvag ultrasound, which is how they usually do an accurate check of the cervix, so I'd still like to know that my cervix isn't changing as well. Pain I can handle....as long as I know its not causing harm to Thomas I'm fine with it.

On that note....here is a new addition to the nursery décor, my 27 week bump shot (our friend gave us a bunch of baby boy clothes don't mind my mess of piles behind me, LOL ) , and my new best friend Tylenol.

Another year come and gone

Last year this time I was recently released from my second hospital stay. I was put on Procardia and was watching my blood pressure religiously to make sure it didn't spike again. On top of that, the freezer that we had in our garage broke and we lost all the food in there. Plus, Chesney ruptured an anal gland and had to have surgery. All the week after losing our first little baby.

It was a lot....hell, it was a load. Jim and I stayed home on NYE and watched the bad TV programming. He tried to kiss me at midnight but it was hard to kiss him back through all the tears. I remember the TV show we had on was playing "Timber" by Ke$ha and to this day I cant listen to that song because its so haunting.

The year progressed and so did my ability to cope with the situation. Don't get me wrong, I still find that at least one thing a day will trigger me into a full out sob, and every single day I think about my Jack and wish he were here, but I think we're settling into our "new normal". The normal where we don't take anything or anyone for granted, we understand how precious time is for all of us, we don't assume things will go our way , instead just hope for the best.

Having these new mantras makes it very difficult to be pregnant again and what most people don't really understand though, is that living this way is completely exhausting. Trying to get psyched about a new baby when you have first hand knowledge that just because you make it past 1st trimester doesn't mean your baby comes home is terrifying on a daily basis. The loss community is a wonderful place for support for us moms but on the downside, you learn about all the other things that have happened to babies and a whole new set of fears get added to your list. Is he not moving enough? He is moving TOO much? Am I leaking fluid or did I pee myself? Is this a cramp or preterm labor? Why am I still sick? Why am I NOT sick today? Oh, what I wouldn't give for the "I threw up today...this sucks" complaint and be done with it. Its easy for people on the other side to say things on the contrary  or think that you've completely gone insane, but until you've lived in a loss mom's shoes (especially one who is pregnant again) you will have no. idea. whatsoever.

However, the one thing that I've learned in 2014 to appreciate though, is that ....it could always be worse. My situation is tough and tricky but there are others with far more problems and ailments or a scarier and more awful story. While its not the easiest thing to do to take all the sorrow and bad luck and keep a smile on my face, lie and say "I'm fine" when people ask how I am, I think I'm doing a pretty good job at it. Seems like every corner I turn there is something more that's added to my list of woes but its starting to make me laugh. I thought that after losing Jack and, if circumstances were different, possible losing my own life, I'd be exempt from pregnancy ailments. I thought I was due for an easy peasy pregnancy. I did actually WANT to be sick...that much I prayed for and expected....as a sign that life was continuing on as it should inside me. However, an easy peasy pregnancy is quite the opposite from what I was given. As the saying goes, "God gives his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers".  The more and more I think about it, maybe I need to not fight it but rather accept the challenge. I think that as long as Thomas arrives and is breathing and healthy.... his delivery doesn't kill me or make me extremely ill..... my husband, friends and family keep their health... we still have jobs to afford the roof over our heads.....we should be ok in 2015. 

Bring it 2015. I'm waiting for you.