My 400th Blog Post & 26 week update

400 posts.... never in my wildest dreams, when I created this blog over three years ago, that I'd be sitting here typing my 400th post and still not have a baby in my arms.

I have a baby in my heart & in heaven.....I have a baby in my belly.....but none in my arms. Unless you count Chesney, she often thinks she's a human baby so she kind of counts.

At any rate, today I'm 26 weeks along with Thomas. If he doesn't get any funny ideas and try to come on his own, I only have 12 weeks left of this pregnancy. Wow. Seems so long and so quick at the same time. Here is the weekly bump shot!

 Today was my side's family Christmas party. Thomas was put into the childrens grab bag and my one cousin also got a few things for Jack too. Although, being the great big brother he is, will be passed down to Thomas.

Hard to believe there are only two more weeks left until 3rd trimester!!  I've been having a lot of back pain issues. Even though Thomas is under 2lbs, I still feel like I'm carrying around a bowling ball so I ordered a support belt online. It should be here sometime this week and I can NOT wait!!! 

I also ordered the prints for the nursery so they can be hung by the time our maternity photos come up next month. His nursery has been looking pretty decent so far, I'm glad that most of it is done. I made sure when we got home tonight from the Xmas party to just put everything away in its spots. Hopefully if I get in that habit now it will stay nice and neat for when he gets here.....hopefully, LOL

Happy Birthday Jack Jack

Happy birthday to my little son
Today you should be one
We celebrate you here on Earth
The day of your heavenly birth
Last year was full of sorrow
Couldn't believe there would be a tomorrow
The days went by so slow
But there is one thing you should know
You were loved every minute you were alive
And after death the love will survive
Someday we'll be together
Until then, the storm we must weather
Your Mommy, Daddy, Chesney and brother
Always will feel like they're missing another

 



Today Jim and I went to our Church and lit a candle for Jack. We then headed to the hospital where he was born and donated his "birthday presents" to the children's hospital. Unfortunately, I had an Endocrinologist appointment in the afternoon but when I got back from the appointment Jack had two birthday gifts waiting from friends of ours.

Jack also had a donation made in his name to the Arbor Day Foundation and trees were planted in the National Forest in his name. We got this in the mail the other day from a fellow loss mom blogger friend of ours but its been so hectic I haven't had time to post it here.

It makes me so happy to know that people out there besides Jim and I care about our Jack and help us remember his memory. Its so very appreciated as are all the kind thoughts, prayers, wishes along the way this last year.

Since I always make Jack videos, its only fitting he should have a birthday video too.


Happy Birthday baby, we love you  <3

Yes...its me again! 25 week update

Yet again, since I had so much to say the other day I really don't have a lot right now!  Today is 25 weeks and Christmas is on the horizon. When I first got pregnant we would say... lets just make it to Christmas and everything after is gravy. Well, omg, its Christmas and we're both still here and well (somewhat, lol).

This diet is helping so much already I can tell. I was feeling awful, still nauseated and occasionally throwing up, plus really bad heartburn. Since I've been keeping track of everything I haven't felt sick yet. I'm hopeful its not a coincidence and actually because the diet is helping. My blood sugars have all been in target range so far as well. Only little blip was that I had ketones in my urine this morning. I've been drinking water like nobody's business this morning though so hopefully they're all flushed out by the time I test it again.

Here is my 25 week bump shot. When I was first pregnant, I switched to maternity clothes pretty quick because they were so comfy and I was bloated for all of 1st trimester and a few weeks into 2nd tri as well. I used to laugh like "Oh hahaha, I'm so puffy these maternity clothes actually fit". Well, here I am wearing my regular clothes saying "Oh hahaha, my regular clothes almost actually don't fit". This green shirt is my lounging shirt because its so long....not anymore lol  :)

"Counting Carbs"

To the tune of "Counting Stars" by One Republic

Lately I been, diagnosed with GD
Dreaming about the things that I can't eat
These days, I've been, I been prayin' hard
Breakfast, lunch and dinner
We'll be counting carbs
Yeah, we'll be counting carbs....



To say its been a busy week would be an understatement. With Monday's news that I have GD, this week just exploded with appointments. So far, I've met with the CDE (certified diabetic educator) , the Dietician , and my MFM for a growth scan. We'll start with the CDE I guess!!

So here is my new best friend.... my blood sugar monitor!!

My appointment with the CDE mainly revolved around using this machine to check my sugars, how often I'd be checking the levels, and what numbers I'm looking for. Basically it goes like this.... check fasting levels before breakfast and hope they're under 95. Check levels two hours after every meal and those should be under 120. My first check at the office with the CDE went fine and no issues but of course when I get home and have to check my sugars after lunch I couldn't get the pin prick on my finger to bleed enough. I ended up poking every finger and going through a whole lancet to get one level reading! Oh my goodness!!!  I think I've gotten the hang of it now but wow that was frustrating!

So far yesterdays levels after meals were ok but my fasting level this morning was elevated. I didn't have a nighttime snack last night and so they're really pushing for me to have one to keep my morning levels low. If they're not being stabilized by diet its insulin for me so I really want to avoid that.

In addition to  my routine blood sugar screening, I also have to check my urine in the morning for ketones. This will show me if I've eaten enough proper foods the day before. When the food is processed in your system, if you haven't eaten enough your body starts burning fat and if you don't have any carbohydrates to burn from food the byproduct is ketones in the urine. So, if the dipstick is positive, I'm to drink a lot of water to flush them from my system and recheck in four hours.

Speaking of not eating enough, that is a problem for me. Normally you hear of pregnant women eating everything in sight. Nope, not me. Eating has always been an issue for me even before pregnancy. I've officially had to set alarms on my phone to remind me to eat every 2-3 hours. I know that sounds crazy but so far it seems to be helping!

Today was both my MFM and dietician appointment. Busy day , phew!

The day started with a growth scan at the MFM office. I had been really nervous about this appointment (I'm nervous for every appointment but this one especially) since today was the day last year I was hospitalized with Jack. Thankfully everything still seems to be looking great. Thomas' fluid levels are perfect, he's in the 49th percentile, he weighs 1lb 9oz (chunky monkey, lol) and the best part was that my blood pressure was only 118/78. I asked my MFM what the GD diagnosis does for my pregnancy. According to her, they are already keeping such a close eye on his growth that this doesn't have any additional cause for concern.  As long as my sugar levels are kept in check he should be fine. She did say however, that with my history and now this new fun little thing of GD, they wont let me go past 39 weeks. So I guess I'm having a March baby now! :)   I also was concerned about my weight gain since I've only gained about 11 lbs so far. Thankfully my MFM isn't worried and matter of fact she would only like to see me gain about 20-25lbs at most for this pregnancy to make sure my blood pressure and blood sugar isn't affected by extra weight. Being on the GD diet should take care of that anyways, so technically if I'm a little more than halfway to full term then 11lbs is about half of what I should weigh so that's perfect! Just what I like to hear! Here are Thomas' glamour shots from today....and don't freak about his cord like I did. Its not technically around his neck like it looks, its actually going across him as you can see his placenta is just to the left of him. Yikes though, that freaked me out!

After my MFM appointment I met with the Dietician which was very informative yet overwhelming at the same time. Chickin I know you were interested in this so I can scan and email you on FB this info if you're interested.

My diet outline looks something like this:

Breakfast and Snacks: 15-30g of carbs
Lunch and Dinner: 45-60g of carbs

No fruit before 10am....no fruit juice at all


The dietician gave me a list of foods and their serving sizes that would be 15g of carbs to get an idea of what I can and cant eat for meals. At first it seems super strict, as like 1 slice of toast is 15g.....1/2 English muffin is 15g.....1/4 bagel is 15g. Looking at this list you cant help but wonder "WHAT AM I GOING TO EAAAAAAAAT?"  but thankfully there is a second page list of proteins and fats that can be added into meals and snacks and don't have to be counted. For example, eggs, peanut butter, *most* veggies, and some other things too. So basically I can have a full English muffin, with peanut butter, and a hardboiled egg and its only worth 30g which is a perfect breakfast.

After I left that appointment I had to go grocery shopping since we had nothing in this house that was ok for me to eat. It took me two hours to check all the labels for everything I bought and I wound up spending $250 to restock the house. OMG. However, if it means my blood sugar stays normal oh well so be it.

So that's where we're at now!!! Its actually a good thing I'm working from home because there is so much to do and remember that I'd totally forget if I was at the office!!

Results from GTT

This was me when I walked out the door of the lab Saturday afternoon...

 

 

I was confident it was going to come back negative and I'd feel silly about worrying about this one little test so much.

Then the nurse from the Endocrinologist's office called this morning and gave me my results. My A1c was fine at 5.2 but the glucose results were as follows:

Fasting- Should be under 95, mine was 98
1hr draw- Should be under 180, mine was 193
2hr draw- Should be under 155, mine was 189
3hr draw- Should be under 140, mine was 145

 

Yup.....I have Gestational Diabetes!

They move pretty quick when this is diagnosed because left untreated it can cause harm to the baby. For all I've gone through, I'm really frustrated that I have one more thing to add to my list of worries. Anywho, I have appointments set up with both a dietician and a CDE (Certified Diabetic Educator) this week. Thankfully I already had a growth scan scheduled with my MFM for Friday. From what I understand, GD can cause babies to get too big too quick and according to Dr. Google most women aren't allowed to go full term.

See....told you I felt like this guy was coming early, LOL

I'll update more later this week with information I get on diet and blood sugar testing because I don't know what they're going to do with me just yet.

For now, I'll leave you with a few more funny memes...

(That last one especially, LOL)

24 weeks.... aka VDay

No, its not Valentines Day. Although I wish it were....since I told Thomas he and I can chat about his arrival after Valentines Day. But no, not THAT Vday. Its viability day.

What does that mean exactly?

If Thomas were born today the doctors would attempt to save him and he'd have a 50% chance of survival. Some cases have been reported where a 23 week old was resuscitated....but you don't hear, and you wont hear, any stories about an IUGR baby delayed 2 weeks being born at 20 weeks and getting bagged. That's because its impossible for that child to survive.

Every day past today his odds of surviving birth increase 2-3% until 26 weeks....the percentage starts to slow down after that even though the odds continue to get better every day. I'm a reader and a researcher so of course I've been interested in stats on survival rates of babies born pre-term. Fetal_viability  is now saved on my Favorites list. Morbid maybe? I prefer to look at it as being informed. I can look at this chart each week and say "Phew....up to 70%" or whatever the number may be. Articles, research, etc it gives me a little something to calm my nerves. Lets face it, at this point, whatever works I should run with it.

While I don't want Thomas to be an outside baby just yet, it gives me a little peace of mind that if he gets antsy that there is a chance for him to come home. A chance is better than no chance. But like I said.....he and I have an agreement. The next Vday we will talk :)

He especially has been living up to his "little stinker" nickname as he lately has decided on taking a few vacation days. For a few weeks I'd feel him move here and there but throughout the day. Last few days he's been quiet but perking up at night. All day long I think about how he's not doing anything then 4am there's a party going on in my belly. Ugh, Thomas, you are a little stinker for sure.

Backtracking....   cue the fairy wand music here....


Last Tuesday the Share Group I belong to through Edward Hospital had a Holiday Remembrance for babies. It was held at the Lutheran Church by the hospital although it was a non-denominational service. They had a choir that sang a few songs then they read off each babies name and the family went up and hung an ornament on the tree and lit a candle in their honor. Thomas was kicking up a storm during the ceremony almost like he wanted to say hello to his brother too. I made Jack an ornament from a Pinterest craft I found and thought it turned out pretty good! Hopefully this can be  a tradition that Jim , Thomas and I can participate in each year to remember our Jack.

Thursday morning guess what? Internet went out.....again. I swear we've lived here two years and never had an issue with the internet once but the second I start working from home its out once or twice a week. Thursday was the last straw so Jim cancelled our service with AT&T and signed us up for Comcast. I figured as long as I couldn't get anything done I might as well drive out to Lisle for the labs I've been putting off. Nothing urgent, well yes they are but ya know what I mean, but I had a thyroid check and a metabolic panel waiting for me to get done. I drove out there, got the bloodwork, and worked at Starbucks the rest of the day.

Friday, the Endocrinologist's nurse calls. Thyroid is elevated again...but also the glucose was high. The nurse wasn't really too concerned because it wasn't a fasting lab. Unfortunately since I just last minute decided to get the bloodwork done it technically was fasting for me since I didn't eat breakfast yet. So then that became a problem. The nurse had to call back awhile later and when she did it was with instructions to have the 3 hr. GTT (Glucose tolerance test) done. This is a common test and all pregnant women at some point have to take it. My OB doesn't require this until somewhere 26-28 weeks and they start with the 1hr. test. If you fail that then they have you do the 3 hr. test. Well, not only was this getting bumped up a few weeks for me, we were skipping the 1 hr and going straight to the 3hr. I had mentioned that all my life I've had blood sugar issues but usually it was due to low sugars not high.

When I got to the lab on Saturday, they also had an order for an A1C level to be drawn. This is a new one to me, but from what I understand it measures markers in the blood for glucose. My mom explained it in that diabetics cant cheat and eat really well before they get a blood test because this A1C picks up irregularities in blood sugar. Basically they were going to check to see if I had Gestational Diabetes and/or actual Diabetes or prediabetic tendencies. Hopefully they will call me tomorrow with those results. I haven't been feeling great and haven't had much appetite so I guess something blood sugar related would make sense. If not, guess I'm just not a pregnant woman who likes to eat cartons of ice cream. I'd much rather have a cold glass of water....maybe some Oreos but nothing crazy :)

Today as mentioned, is Vday. Thomas and I decided we'd go to Target and start shopping for his brothers birthday. We managed to get a few things but the process of shopping for toys that should be being opened in 9 days by Jack was too much so we will have to go back or try and rush order something else online. Its a good start though and I'm happy that at least the children at U of C will have some nice new toys that they can play with. Its hard to see in the picture but they had two teacup pig board books. One was colors and the other one was numbers. I'm sure Jack knew I had to get those books for sure....momma loves her pigs!!....so we got one of each. One for donation and one for Thomas! Target also had a lot of really cute pop up board books in their clearance section so Thomas also got a few new books. I can't wait to read them to him....after Valentines Day of course.

23 weeks

Well, after Friday's post I don't really have much to say! That's a first, right?! LOL!

I did some grocery shopping today and my stomach felt a little achy when I came home so I sat on the couch and Jim and I watched a few episodes of Homeland. While I was sitting there, I got my newest nesting idea. The "wing" off our basement living room I think I want to make the "playroom". The desk we have there currently will fit on the walk behind our couch so this could work!

In other news, this upcoming Tuesday is a remembrance ceremony through our hospital for babies lost. I bought some stuff from Michaels to make Jack an ornament to hang on their tree. If I like it, I'll make him one for our tree too :) I'll have to post a pic later after I try it out.

So that's about all for now, it's definitely bed time for me and Thomas! Here's 23 weeks, goodnight!

4 more months (at most....) and Fetal Echo today

Today is December 5th and so my EDD is only 4 months away. I don't know why, and I've said it before, but I don't think he's going to wait until April 5th to get here. Could be wrong, if I am that's fine too, but just a hunch.....of course I thought he was a girl too sooooo...

Today we had what's called a fetal echocardiogram. Basically just a more in depth look at his heart. No reason for concern, its just protocol for the MFM's office to do one right about now. Plus of course, its another excuse to get some pictures of the little stinker.

Why do I call him "little stinker" you ask? Well, his new game is "Kick Mommy until Daddy comes to feel". I could be sitting here all day feeling him kick and jab away and when my hand is on my belly he boxes it. The second I tell Jim to come sit by me and put his hand on my belly to feel him....he stops. Every. time. Pretty sure Jim thinks I'm making this up, haha.

So back to the echo...

All looks great as we anticipated. I had mentioned that day that I didn't know if I peed myself but the MFM said that the fluid around him is perfect level. My cervix was 3.1 which is down from the 3.5 it was four weeks ago but the ultrasound tech said if it was over 3 that I was fine so ooook! I've also been noticing some blipping in my blood pressure again.

I thought it was doing pretty good for awhile with the calcium supplements I was taking but last week or so its been acting up again. Jim and I went to dinner with his parents and towards the end of the night I started getting the most monstrous headache ever. It would go away for maybe 20 minutes but then come right back. It was so painful a few times I felt like vomiting from the pain. My IL's came in after dinner for a cup of coffee...and of course we had no Tylenol in the house.... so as soon as my IL's left our house I took my bp and went to bed to try and sleep it off. My reading wasn't bad but not awesome like it had been, it was 120/87 which is a higher diastolic (bottom number) than normal.

In the morning it was fine again and stayed pretty normal until yesterday afternoon at lunch. All I did was make some soup for lunch, bring a few hand towels upstairs and empty the bathroom garbage into a Jewel bag and a few min. later when I checked my pressure it was 129/89, yikes. So I sat down to rest a few minutes and tried again about 7 minutes later....it went up!!!  Then it was 130/92 and I felt the tingles in my lips like I do when my bp gets a little higher. I checked it again another 10 minutes later and it finally started coming down starting at 125/86 which still isn't fantastic. I asked my MFM about this and she said that although around this time in pregnancy the blood pressure readings will start to be elevated they should remain stable at some point and they really shouldn't be more than 130s/80s. The only reading of concern was the 130/92 but since it was an isolated occurrence she's not worried.

As always , I'm on full alert with monitoring to make sure it doesn't reach those numbers again. For fun, since I love peeing on sticks, I bought some dipsticks from Amazon to test for protein and glucose in my urine. It was astounding to me that in a short two weeks last year I went from no symptoms whatsoever to being hospitalized. Having OB appointments where they check my urine for protein only every four weeks until 32 weeks is making me really on edge. Hopefully these sticks can give me some peace of mind at least to pair up with my bp and be on top of my health in between appointments.

Good news is....next week is 24 weeks which is a big step in the right direction  for us. Not that I want a baby for Christmas at 24/25weeks but even that is a hell of a lot better than 20 weeks. I'm just hopeful he stays put and I stay in good health until Valentines Day and then at 33 weeks we can work with that.

Thomas gave us some good ones today for his 23 week glamour shots...

 Thomas' rendition of "Child's Pose"

Thomas says "Being a baby is hard work....sheesh"

I go back to December all the time

December is here....the last month to round out the year that our Jack has been gone.

On December 2nd, 2013, he was still here. I had my last OB appointment and everything was perfect. His heartrate was on track, no protein in my urine, my blood pressure was normal....everything was as it should have been.

We were eagerly anticipating our "babymoon" cruise that we would leave for that weekend. Time away from the chaos of the world to enjoy time together before we became a family of three. My OB wrote me a note on December 2nd, 2013 stating that I was in good health and was able to cruise.

Ironic, isn't it?

On December 2nd of this year, 2014, I cant help but be plagued by the notion that there are only three short weeks left before the anniversary of my little boys entrance to heaven. At the same time, his little brother furiously is kicking me almost worried that I'm going to forget he's in there. I never got to have that feeling with Jack, he wasn't quite as spunky as his little brother is.

Most mom's would be planning a huge party for their little one's first birthday right about now. Instead, I'm planning to celebrate quietly in my house just me, Jim and Chesney. Jack doesn't get parties, he doesn't get presents to open, he doesn't even get to see his brother on Earth.

Therefore, we will celebrate for him.

We will not celebrate his loss, we will celebrate our love for him.