My dream of the Royals...

I have the most effed up dreams I swear!!!

Last night I dreamt we went to visit the Royals in their house.... Not castle... House

When we got there William was ordering Kate around telling her to mop the floors and do the dishes. The baby was named Henry too which was funny. I kept asking Kate why she doesn't have the hired help do the dishes and mop LOL.

Yes indeed the progesterone is making me goofy officially!!

Just Being....

Its tough to just be. I want to pee, oh can't you see?

I'd like to be a bee and sting you on the knee....

Because I'm feeling angry about having this FET.


I'm a poet and didn't know it....ok maybe I knew it just a little LOL

True Blood anyone?!

Jim and I have been watching it so often were out of episodes!!! I'm kinda sad and wish I thought that through ....it would have been nice to watch them while I was laying around this weekend "couch potato'ing" it up!!! But oh well.... So seriously how awesome is the show?

I wish I were fast like a vampire.... Zzzzzshoom and they're there!! Cool!!!

I have a feeling that after my FET, when I walk out of the RE's office to the car ill be feeling like a vampire that just drank some faerie blood, LOL

Any other suggestions for shows? We have HBO Go so we can start from the beginning.

August 21- Third night of PIO

Ok I'm over the PIO.

Maybe my brain blocked out the 10days from January because I don't remember it being quite so bad but....

THIS SUCKS!!!

It's only the third night I haven't even have the FET yet and have 11 injections left just to beta!!! Let alone if I'm pregnant holy bajeebus!!!

On a positive note.... Next week this time I could maybe be pregnant already. Weird how life can change so quickly one moment to the next :)

The time I met John Stamos...almost...damnit!!

So I was thinking about what to blog since its been a few days when the radio station wished John Stamos a happy birthday.

Suddenly the perfect fun post came to my mind.... The time I met John Stamos....almost.

Five years ago I worked for a high rise condo building in the downtown Chicago area. It's a big deal building....

They had a large open commercial space on the first floor and on occasion they'd use it for something random.

Well....

One day they sent out a memo to all employees that an episode of ER would be filmed across the street and they'd be using the commercial space for a full cast and crew lunch.

Uh wait.... CAST?!?! (This is obviously when John Stamos was on the show....or when it was still on air.... It is off the air now right?! I have no idea LOL) JOHN STAMOS IS COMING TO WHERE I WORK?!?!? <~~~ that is what I said to that email

The day of the filming I spent hours getting ready for work. Hair straightened, smoky eyes, hooker boots, yeah the works!!! I nervously worked through the morning and finally.... LUNCH TIME!! I was so nervous to meet the hottie celebrity that I made one of the maintenance guys walk downstairs with me.

The place was packed and since they allowed us to get something to eat too, me and my maintenance guy friend got in the food line....all the while I scoped the place for John while scooping pasta salad on my plate. I started up a conversation with the girl ahead of me in line and casually asked where John was... But apparently he wasn't in the episode they were filming and wouldn't be there for lunch :(

Oh the humanity!!!!!

On a positive note.... I did meet Angela Bassett.

She was no John Stamos though :(

Boohoo.....

My post about Rascal Flatts

 

Since I'm going to the concert tomorrow night with my SIL, I thought I'd pick one of their songs that seems fitting for my life right now.

 

I chose Stand.

 

 

People keep asking me if I'm going to be ok. What choice do I have, right? Not just with the loss of my friend but with all the other stressors in my life. All my pathetic failed IVF cycles, my parents moving to another state, of course the loss of my friend, and some other personal issues going on over the last few months/weeks.

 

Its a lot for one person to handle on their shoulders, let alone to deal with it while facing an FET cycle in this state of mind. While I'm not in the best frames of mind this is life, its no use waiting for things to quiet down because they don't, they won't and they never will.

 

There is always something in your life that will beat you down you have to learn how to balance it on your shoulders and .....stand.

Moving forward...

I can honestly say that yesterday and today were two of the most difficult days I've had to endure in a long time.

It's so hard to say goodbye....to yesterdaaaaaaay ooohhhh (yes I just broke out the Boyz II Men, LOL)

In all seriousness though it was very difficult. When we were leaving the luncheon her mom told us she knew about our struggles and to keep trying she knows it will happen for us. I hope she's right!!

I went to work for a few hours afterwards but didn't accomplish too much. When I got home, Jim and I went for dinner and a few beers to give Jen a proper "Viking send off" like Jim calls it. Here I am with Jim's hat on....

A post for my friend

For those who know me personally, you're probably already aware of this but....my best friend since kindergarten passed away suddenly today. It was quick and unexpected and is very heartbreaking.

I was already struggling with some other demons today when I got the news which just threw me into an even more upset state. Jen and I were like sisters, especially since I'm an only child and always wanted a sister. She was my Maid of Honor and I was hers. She leaves behind a four year old son who will never know how wonderful of a person his mother was....other than from what his family tells him of course.

This leaves me with some serious questions about life and religion. I'm already having difficulty with my own infertility situation. Why doesn't God hear me? Why does he answer other people's prayers but not mine. Why does he answer my teensy prayers and not the biggest one I have? Is there even someone/something up there? Is he laughing at me? Sometimes I feel that to be the case. This morning has only furthered my questions on this crazy place we call Earth. Why did Jen have to die? Why not take a serial killer instead of my friend? Is it necessary to leave her son without a mother?

On my way to meet a friend for coffee, I turned on the radio and "Don't Stop Believing" was playing. I'm not one to believe in signs because signs are just coincidences to me these days but....I have to admit it was pretty good timing. I sort of laughed out loud and then yelled as I was driving "OK, FINE!!!!".

My phone has been ringing off the hook today with people offering condolences. I'm not quite sure its really set in. They are making photo boards and today I've been looking for pictures for the friends board. Unfortunately, most of my pictures of us are ....ummm, inappropriate, LOL beer, unknown guys, yaaaaah the life of 20somethings. All the good grade school pics are with my mom in Tennessee so that won't work. Oh well. ::sigh::  Here are a couple pics of us that I do have.

I'll miss you my dear friend...

I'm at a loss for words

How often can I say that??? LOL

I've been staring at my list of possible blog topics and none of them look interesting to me in the least bit.

Soooo.... I'm going to talk about nothing. Not literally nothing because I'm talking now and that's something. No, I mean nothing like in a Seinfeld kind of way of nothing.

Here goes!!!.....

Work? Crazy!!! Totally undermanned and my boss is getting resumes from shlubs on all walks of the earth. She told me to make a list of all my responsibilities and she's going to her boss so she what can be taken off my plate...it's just too much!!!

One guy called today he said the "on hold" music was beautiful LOL Another guy called , I'm pretty sure it was the Count from Sesame Street. He said " I vant to talk to Courtney she is zee one with zee power". I almost peed my pants. I half expected him to say "I have ONe problem hahaha TWO problems hahah THREE problems hahah" LOL

I also put together a proposal for a downtown property this week. I'm named as onsite Assistant which would give me a little more than a 20k bump in pay. I took my time with that proposal for sure :)

I've been trying to win Taylor Swift tickets all week. I spilled coffee on my lap in the car on Tuesday because I was so preoccupied with trying to dial the radio station.

My massage on Tuesday was heavenly. Spa-riffic :)

And on that note I think I'm making ramen noodles for dinner chased with a beer or ten ...TGIF!!!

I'm getting a massage tonight!!!!

I'm super excited....enough so to make this my blog post for today :)

This will be me soon...

A decade in review....

The following are pictures from my last 10 birthdays up until and including pictures from my birthday today/last night. I've always been a big fan of my birthday and have celebrated pretty seriously :)  LOL....enjoy....

 

 



My 22nd birthday--- Since I had a tame 21st birthday, I really let loose this year. Had a rowdy night on the ISU campus and 6-8 weeks later my Mom called to tell me that my Windsor Pilates had arrived. Hmmm, strange.

My 23rd birthday---My last birthday on the ISU campus. To celebrate, I rented out the party room at "Fat Jacks" and hired my favorite karaoke DJ for me and my friends.

My 24th birthday---- I bought myself a condo this year. Here I am getting ready to celebrate with Amy.



My 25th birthday--- Amy and I went out to Rockit and had mimosas

My 26th birthday--- My ex took me to Tony and Tina's wedding. It was pretty fun...minus the company of course, lol

My 27th Birthday--- In Vegas (in case you couldn't tell, LOL)

My 28th Birthday--- My first birthday as a couple with Jim. There were many bday pictures but this is my favorite. Howl at the Moon with Amy, Michelle, and Shannon.

Just a fun picture in addition to the Howl at the Moon....also went to a Brad Paisley concert 2 days after my bday and snapped a few pics like this one. And no folks....this is not zoomed :)

My 29th Birthday--- Also a lot of pictures but this is my favorite. Outside Hamada Hibachi Grill where Jim took me to dinner.

My 30th Birthday Party at Charley Horse in Tinley Park (now a different bar)

My 31st Birthday ---trying out a new watering hole called Charlestons. Down the street from where we bought our first home  :)

Which brings me to last night/today/tonight.....my 32nd birthday. I even made a song about it....

Night before my birthday I shopped all day. I picked up a free panty from VS, used a $10 off bra coupon and got a nice new bra (I needed one!!!), got a free sample mascara and bronzer thingy at Sephora and also treated myself to uber expensive makeup. I bought a tube of Urban Decay foundation and U.D. eyeliner. It was crazy expensive but it was bday money so I guess its ok. Then I went to Michaels and got some things for my latest crafty vision.....see other blog post!!!....then Target for new shoes cute little flats that Jim said look like witch shoes, LOL. Picked up my free coffee at Starbucks and headed home!!

I met up with two of my friends from my college days at a place called Lalos. They have great Mexican food and even better....great margaritas :)  This is the only normal picture I have of the three of us, LOL

Jim wound up getting home a little early this morning and I woke up when he got home around 4am-ish. I had a hard time falling back asleep so as much as I'd have liked to have slept in on my birthday I was officially up and out of bed by like 7:30am. I spent most the morning clipping coupons and just surfing the web searching for all sorts of articles and info on implantation failure but that was just depressing me so.....thankfully some calls started coming in. First my in-laws, then my friend that live in KY, then my parents. By that point Jim was awake.

Our reservations for dinner weren't until 6:30 but we decided to head out a little early and just walk around at the Riverwalk. Its just as it sounds.....you walk around the river, LOL.

There are tons of shops and restaurants there too and I found a book that Jim bought for me...

The main reason why he wanted to buy it for me, besides the obvious that I need some reassurance that the title is true....but there was a page in there that had a bird flying in the sky with the title "I'll fly to you". That is actually what is engraved into our wedding bands :)  Of course the book had to be mine :) Here is me reading while killing time before dinner...

After we downed a few beers then realized A) Jim had to work tonight and B) I had to work tomorrow....we decided it was time to actually eat something and soak up the alcohol so we headed over to 'Heaven on Seven' for dinner. It is a Cajun/creole restaurant and given that Jim's Aunt and Uncle live in New Orleans, I've been telling him for years we should go to this place that he'd like it. Guess what? I was right!!! OMG, food was amahhhhhzing, I ate so much I had to take my dinner AND my free birthday dessert home in a doggy bag.

I stopped myself after just one hurricane ....before I started ordering them by hurricane names. Oh you laugh but its happened. There is a bar near my old condo called 'Bourbon Street' and many moons ago I lost track how many I had but I started ordering "A Rita" then "A Katrina" then "A Hugo".....I think by "Andrew" they were like oooooook, no more hurricanes for you dear. LOL  Tonight was just one and it was delish :)

All in all, it was a good birthday afterall despite the fact that I have AF (tech. in my private blog but oh well), I'm really just down in the dumps the past 4 weeks. My husband is my rock and he always knows how to cheer me up. He was going to get my horseback riding lessons for my birthday but I'd like for him to go with me. However, with his schedule that might not be possible and I only have a few weeks before FET and I don't want to be on a horse if I'm possibly, maybe, potentially, but in all likelihood probably not, pregnant. Sooooo, I'm going to go to one of those make your own pottery places as his gift to me instead. Happy face here :)

::Sigh::   32 huh? Shit.  haha

 

My newest Pinterest worthy project...



Its obviously a work in progress...I'm not going to hang this up as is, haha. It took me a long time to find the stencils, tape them down, paint them, let them dry, and unstick them to the canvas for just the first line so this may take awhile.

Now that I think about it, I should have painted the background first THEN painted the yellow stencils on but oh well. This is my first song lyric on canvas project.

Oh....and if you can't tell by just one line.....this is going to be Mumford and Sons "I Will Wait".

When its finished we're hanging it in the empty room. Symbolic huh? Or maybe just sad. Not quite sure...

Eat all the Estrace!!!!

FET tomorrow LOL

Kidding, kidding....I kinda want to eat the bottle though Lol

So my boss is pregnant.....

Yup. Pretty much sums it up right there but I feel like I need to expound a bit on that....otherwise this would be a boring post :)

She came over to talk to my coworker and I and told us she was having a baby. My coworker was so excited and was very very happy for her, asked her how far along she was, what she thought she was having, when she'd find out. All I could do was sit there and wonder how long this conversation was going to go on. I was either about to cry or throw up....both of which are frowned upon in the middle of the office, LOL.  I may have said Congrats a time or two, I'm not really sure I was just very uncomfortable with the whole situation. I haven't had an "in person" pregnancy announcement in quite awhile and it made me realize how much I appreciate text/email announcements much better.

The rest of the day was filled with baby talk and telling whoever hadn't heard the news yet so needless to say....it was a long day. I had a beer with my dinner tonight :)

I spent all day thinking about how frustrating its going to be seeing her day in and day out throughout the pregnancy...especially if my lack of success keeps rearing its ugly head she will just be yet another constant reminder. However, on my way home I thought of something....maybe she won't want to come back to work and they'll give me her job. Haha , kidding....kinda,  LOL

Silver linings folks, silver linings.