I was already struggling with some other demons today when I got the news which just threw me into an even more upset state. Jen and I were like sisters, especially since I'm an only child and always wanted a sister. She was my Maid of Honor and I was hers. She leaves behind a four year old son who will never know how wonderful of a person his mother was....other than from what his family tells him of course.
This leaves me with some serious questions about life and religion. I'm already having difficulty with my own infertility situation. Why doesn't God hear me? Why does he answer other people's prayers but not mine. Why does he answer my teensy prayers and not the biggest one I have? Is there even someone/something up there? Is he laughing at me? Sometimes I feel that to be the case. This morning has only furthered my questions on this crazy place we call Earth. Why did Jen have to die? Why not take a serial killer instead of my friend? Is it necessary to leave her son without a mother?
On my way to meet a friend for coffee, I turned on the radio and "Don't Stop Believing" was playing. I'm not one to believe in signs because signs are just coincidences to me these days but....I have to admit it was pretty good timing. I sort of laughed out loud and then yelled as I was driving "OK, FINE!!!!".
My phone has been ringing off the hook today with people offering condolences. I'm not quite sure its really set in. They are making photo boards and today I've been looking for pictures for the friends board. Unfortunately, most of my pictures of us are ....ummm, inappropriate, LOL beer, unknown guys, yaaaaah the life of 20somethings. All the good grade school pics are with my mom in Tennessee so that won't work. Oh well. ::sigh:: Here are a couple pics of us that I do have.
I'll miss you my dear friend...
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Giant hugs, I am so sorry this happened. What a terrible loss.
ReplyDeleteI just can't believe this. I'm so sorry and there are just no words. Big hugs, friend.
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