Baby Payne? More like, Where is Kate Payne?? LOL

Yes I've been MIA so very sorry loyal blog readers.

Its a combination of a lot of things which keeps me away from my blog. Mainly its work, but not entirely. I started a new job in February, so just a few months ago, and I'm really busy. They started me out with a simple position but have been giving me new jobs and projects to help with so I'm pretty tired by the time I leave. Last thing I want to do when I get home is blog, UGH! lol   :)

Next in line is MIGRAAAAAAAINES!!!!!!!!!  As if being stressed with work and tired from actually having to get up in the morning now (haha) wasn't enough, the last two weeks have been a constant stream of migraines. This is pretty similar to what happened to me last June which caused me to spend the month in darkness in my IL's basement. However, last year I was TTC and the Neurologist couldn't/wouldn't give me anything for the migraines. Basically I had to wait it out until I cycled again since they were hormonal. Once I started my IVF cycle in July they were pretty much gone.But now....one nice thing about being on an extended break? DRUGS!!!  Lots of them :)   Although I'm not sure what caused this migraine flood the past two weeks (hormonal, stress, weather, diet....all the above?) it wouldn't go away and the abortive drugs my neuro gave me in February now all of a sudden weren't working. What the holy hell.....so I was put on a 6 day course of steroids. I'm on the 4th day now and holy bageebus I'm like a new person. Sunday was THE most productive day I've had EVERRRRRRR!!!!  I want to be on steroids forever. I now understand the appeal. LOL

Finally last in line is my sheer and utter indifference to still not being pregnant. Some days I wake up and think I could be fine with the life I have now. Then I shake my head and it fizzles away to the reality that no, I wouldn't be fine with that. Then it turns into fear....what if I just have to figure out a way to BE fine with it? Can I do that? Am I going to be that bitter old hag everyone feels sorry for someday? Then it turns into anxiety....because I hate people talking about me behind my back. Then it turns into another migraine. LOL

Yesterday we went to Church. I thought it'd be ok since the last time we went was during our last cycle and I was sad so of course I was teary eyed. Since its been 3 months since our last BFN, I was really sure it'd be ok....until the parents with their babies all decided to sit around us. I started getting teary and lied and said I had a runny nose. I just stared at the ground the whole mass and was praying....praying the mass would end soon.


At any rate, I'm going to try and make a better effort to keep up my blog in my break down...I mean break time, LOL Maybe I can try to write at least once a week. I should have more stuff coming up since my stim test is coming up 2 weeks from now. That is another bone of contention...more on that later :)

Nice cliffhanger there huh? See, I know what I'm doing  ;)

Join the Movement...

My week in review April 13th-today

What a week indeed...

Last weekend was my friend's Bachelorette Party. It was awesome!!!  I had a hot dog at 3:30. I never eat hot dogs and I'm never awake at 3:30 anymore so suffice to say Sunday was a rough day. Also that day, Jim was hit by a deer and had to go to the ER to get checked out. Of course, his lovely wife was day drinking in the city and couldn't get home....LOL , he told me not to come to the hospital though by the time I got there he'd be home. Sunday my IL's came over and we had dinner together. They cooked it so that Jim could rest, which was good because my head hurt and I probably would have just ordered a pizza.

Monday night I got this...

and began to freak out...

 

It's hard to see in this picture because of the fact it was taken with my flip phone which is awful quality. However, you can still see how dark the bottom test was and I assure you it was moreso positive or OMG so close to it than it shows in this picture. Needless to say, we did not let this opportunity go....injured husband or not. ;)

 

 

Since Monday's either positive or almost positive OPK, my temps were about .3 degrees higher the rest of the week and now my OPKs look like the top ones again with very faint second lines. So, I'm not sure if that means I popped an egg or not but this is all so unusual just to think maybe it happened so I'll take it. On Wednesday I started getting a migraine. Lately, they have been hormonal related so maybe its a good sign?!?

 

My boss went on vacation and I had a pretty crazy week. To top if off, yesterday one of the girls in Accounting brought in her new baby. Apparently the baby wasn't happy because she cried and cried. Then the spots came back and feeling sick which as I'm sure you can tell I was super happy she stayed for about two hours!!!

So last night, three crazy dreams in a row. They got stranger as they continued. First I dreamt I was going to be roommates with an acquaintenance and his wife. They lived in a log cabin and had big screen tvs mounted up in the air along the driveway displaying pictures of the two of them. 2nd: We were hanging out with my ex...the last ex before Jim. Even though Jim was there he kept trying to put his arm around me, LOL Finally we went out to dinner to meet up with his friends but in the car he handed me a wad of cash and said to take it. He said his friends won it at a casino and he wanted me to have it.Whaaaat?!?  3rd:  By far weirdest dream in my life....I dreamt I was sitting at a table in a brightly lit room having brunch with some people and my Dad's friend that passed away was sitting next to me. Although we all knew he was deceased, we could see him and talk to him as if he were right there. Also to put your hand on his shoulder he was solid not ghosty. Everyone was asking him about how he was and what its like being a dead person. He said it wasn't so bad but there was a "Big Game" coming up and he had to get back soon. He said he was really scared and we all were very sad again for him. Notquite sure what that was all about.

At any rate....if Monday was O day then I guess I'm about 5dpo. I'll have to pick up some HPT and see what happens next week. Not that I'm expecting a BFP but then again I didn't expect to ever have a period on my own, or have OPKs get darker and seemingly positive. Soooooo....anything is possible right?

Fun with OPKs

So getting AF was a miracle in and of itself but it got me thinking....maybe I could have more miraclesand ovulate too? I'm still pretty sure its a lofty dream but a girl can wish can't she? At any rate, I started using OPKs on Wednesday which is CD5 (top OPK). I've never had a 2nd line before so I was pretty surprised to see that a very faint line popped up. I understand the concept of OPKs so I wasn't dancing just surprised.  I took one yesterday, which was CD6 (middle OPK) and then one again today on CD7 (bottom OPK). The picture quality is awful and I apologize for that, my phone is the only means of photography at the moment. Now, am I just crazy or....are they getting darker??? Its a little more pronounced in person. Stupid flip phone camera.  :(

 

Well...its still early in the cycle anyways so I'm going to keep on peeing on :)

 

So....my Endocrinologist finally called back. She was stumped per ushe and had no real idea as to where AF came from. Her only advice was to start using OPKs (hahaha, I'm always one step ahead) and see if anything popped up. If not, and AF came back again to call their office and schedule a lab for FSH/LH and maybe a progesterone later in the cycle.

 

Regarding the Growth Hormone, she consulted with the main Endo there and he agreed a stim test was in order. The office will be calling me next week to schedule. Good news is though, that they checked with my insurance company already and they will cover not only the stim test but also GH injections should I need them :)  Yay!

 

Now we wait. I'm really good at that though by now so its not a big deal.

 

I'm leading my Resolve group tomorrow, in our usual leaders absence. Only 2 people RSVPed to her so it may be a small meeting, LOL but I had a great idea while shopping for wine at the Jewel tonight. I bought a Mum and we'll pick a name out of a bowl and that person can have the Mum. Since its so close to NIAW....some of the ladies are mums and most of us would love to be mums :)

 

Ooooh, also...Tomorrow is my friend's Bachelorette Party in the city and I'm super excited!!! We're doing fancy tea downtown and then a comedy club. GNO is just what I need, woohoo!!!

 

Laters!!





Nobody cares :(

I called my Endocrinologist and RE to tell them this monumental news that AF arrived. Nobody cares. Matter of fact, my Endocrinologist didn't even call me back.... oh btw, she did call with my IGF-1 results and they're normal so looks like a stim test is on the horizon.

At any rate, I know that women all over the world get their periods month after month after month.....but not me!!!! Honestly I can count the times its happened on one hand and the last time was 10 years ago so why aren't these people flipping out like I am? I even asked my new RE's office if they wanted to run an FSH/LH/E2 lab since Im going in there tomorrow for a TSH and Vitamin D levels. They said no! LOL wtf?!?

I'm scared.....AF is here, LOL

I know that may sound ridiculous to most people but for me not so much.

Last night I was half asleep and when I went to the bathroom before bed I noticed a little spec of reddish goop on my underwear. Being half asleep I didn't think anything of it and went to bed. When I woke up this morning, I thought that was a dream until I moved and felt a little squishy. I was like , "Uh oh, I don't like the feel of that!!!!" and went to the bathroom to discover , Ahhhh yes AF has arrived.

The reason why that is mindblowing to me is that.....I didn't take anything. No Provera and no Prometrium...nada. Matter of fact, just yesterday I was thinking that its been 2.5 months since my last AF after our failed IVF#3 and I probably should start the Prometrium again to bring it back. Guess my body read my mind!! For the first time in 10 years no less...

Now all sorts of thoughts are racing through my head..... did some blood vessels or worse an organ?!?!  rupture and the only way out was through my who ha?!?  Oh my god, should I go to the ER?!?  Or worse thought yet....I've had a rough week at work and have attributed my nausea to my hypoglycemia since my eating schedule is out of whack. What if I was pregnant and this is a miscarriage?!? Oh geez, I seriously have issues and have lost my mind but I'm also seriously not able to comprehend why or how AF could come on its own.

At first I thought I should call my RE's office and let them know. They dont care though since I'm not cycling now....so instead I'm frantically trying to reach my mother to see what see thinks.

Good lord, answer your phone momma!!!  LOL

Weight Loss update

I haven't really posted much about it since I was kinda plateauing for awhile but....

Starting Weight 149.2
Today's Weight 143.8

Total loss so far of  5.4 lbs!!!

Granted its taken what, like 2 months to lose it??? LOL  but I'll take it....hopefully my weight keeps going in the directions its headed this week. Must be those spinach salads and carrots for lunch, haha

Token "I hate April Fools Day" blog post

Last night I put up a semi warning on my Facebook page. Either  a) people are getting to be more sensitive ,  b) I have the correct people blocked already!!  or c) they were polite enough to customize their status to block me from it......because I didn't see one pregnancy April Fools joke. NOT ONE!!!  WOOOHOOO!!!!

My coworker though, she did have a "funny story" about her friend that called up her boyfriend last year to tell him she was pregnant. He believed her and it was hilarious. Oh yes, it just sounds hilarious. Ha.....ha......ummm, no.

Anywho...not much else going on around here. One day closer to getting my IGF-1 levels back. YAY!