1st Earthly Mother's Day/ Jack's Due Date

Mother's Day is something most woman eagerly anticipate before they have children. You picture someday getting served breakfast in bed by your husband and bright eyed children, cards and cute little art projects, a day of celebration of you and appreciation for bringing life into the world.

I , like those other woman, also had such lofty expectations and while it would be some time before the cute art projects started rolling in, I had such excitement for what my first Mother's Day would be like. To hold that baby and to know I brought him/her into this world and have everyone around me celebrate....it would be amazing.

However, every year that went by without being pregnant or having a glimmer of hope of having a child the following Mother's Day, my vision of that perfect Mother's Day slowly and gradually began to fade. Maybe I'd never get that perfect Mother's Day that I'd envisioned for so long. Then came Jack. Not only was I going to finally be a mother but my miracle baby was actually DUE on Mother's Day. You don't get much more perfect than that.

Then he was gone.

When Mother's Day/ Jack's Due Date arrived last year it was the 2nd hardest day of my life. The first of course being the day he was born. We released balloons and Jim and I spent the day downtown to just have some us time. We wanted to light a candle at Old St. Patrick's Church downtown but they didn't have candles so instead we wrote prayers in the prayer book for our little Jack.

I was a Mother but no one was celebrating me. Some people recognized me but it wasn't a day of happiness and joy as I had pictured.

This journey has taught me a lot and my hardest lesson to learn has been that you can't plan everything in your life. Things don't always go the way you want or the way you think they should. Sometimes life throws you a curve ball and you just have to figure out the best way to duck.

Here we are a year later. Jack would have been a year old.... maybe walking? Would he be starting to talk? How many teeth would he have? All these questions we'll never know but now we get to see them in person with his little brother Thomas.

Today of all days, May 11th.... I just looked at Thomas' face and said "Thank you Jack.... you're not here but you picked out a pretty amazing little brother for your Mommy and Daddy to take care of here on Earth." 

Mother's Day this year was our first with a child in our arms after so many years of wondering if it would ever happen. Thomas has been an amazing gift to us and we're so thankful to be blessed to be his parents. We didn't make too much of a big deal out of the day. I don't think it will ever feel right to celebrate Mother's Day the way that I pictured it to be years ago....and I'm fine with that. I don't need a celebration, I just need my little boy he's enough of a celebration for me.