Today is 10dp3dt, the day I should have had my beta except that its Thanksgiving so it was pushed back to tomorrow instead. My last cycle, AF showed up the day before beta which was 9dp3dt. Since AF hadn't shown up at all yesterday I was psyched!!! Maybe this time I'd actually make it to my beta!!
WRONG.
This morning I woke up feeling squishy. Never a good sign. I confirmed my greatest fear and proceeded to bawl. It was like deja vu. This time I'm sad and weepy of course but I'm feeling a little more numb. I almost feel like I'm doing this just for fun or for shits and giggles and a baby has never been a realistic expectation of the outcome. Ugh.
Then I realized that there is a common link. My BIL. My last cycle he and his fiance were here the day I started spotting. Well...since last night was Black Wednesday, he was over hanging out with Jim and spent the night. Seriously, you can call me crazy, but I don't want him in my house or around me any future cycles where beta is the next day, he's officially bad luck, lol
I'm going to I guess have to talk to my RE and see what her suggestions for proceeding are. I've decided that if she wants to proceed with a 3rd try with the same protocol I'm getting a second opinion. If she comes up with a new protocol, I'm going to give it a try.
Right about now I'm thinking of alternative means of getting a child. Surrogacy, egg donation, adoption, stealing....lol.... Jim has said he's open to pursuing surrogacy or adoption but would not consider egg donation. I'm trying to prioritize my list of needs and having difficulty.
First on the list is 1.) Having a child. Part of me feels like I'd be selling out if I don't carry the child. If Jim is against the egg donation, then I think I'm going to have to accept that I can still have my own child without carrying. That won't make me less of a parent. From what I've read, I'm assuming there are egg quality issues so then surrogacy would not be an option for us. While I'm blogging, Jim is looking at adoption agencies. I almost feel excited....almost. :) Although, the thought of never being matched with a baby scares the living crap out of my. My friend's sister was on a waiting list for 2 years and never got her baby. She did eventually go for an IVF cycle (her first ) and get pregnant...of course....so I guess it just is different for everyone.
At any rate, I think we have a lot of decisions to make. For now, I'm just going to take a few Tylenol before heading to my cousins house. There are 3- 5 day blasts that were poor quality that all took...plus a miracle baby....that are all 6 years old at my cousins house just anxiously awaiting to see me I'm sure. Hmph. Good thing they're all so stinkin' cute.
Oh yeah, almost forgot, Happy M'Fin Thanksgiving All
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