With the loss of my best friend I'm in a bit of a funny state of mind. I have things to do to continue living my life. However, it just doesn't seem fair that I'd be worried about such trivial things when I'm still here and living today.
I'd like to talk to Jim about it but maybe if we have a daughter we can name her after Jen in some way. Obviously he'd have to agree but well see. We also talked about planting a tree in her memory. I'm not sure that I like that though since I'd eventually in a decade or so like to move, then I'd essentially be leaving her memory behind. So, I'm not quite sure.
At any rate, this is my secret post for today so I should talk about this cycle right?
I just started the 3mg portion of my flow sheet. Wednesday I'm going back in for monitoring, possibly my last monitoring appt. it just hit me that my FET is next week.
I'm not sure if I'm ready to be back in that state of mind of "oh my god please let this have worked" again, but I guess it's too late now right?!
So next week is FET.... Ill be starting PIO in a few days (provided Wednesdays appt is ok) and well be back to the waiting. Seems kinda crazy for a six week process to be determined yes or no in a weeks time. I'm not really sure that I can mentally handle another BFN. I mean....2 failed IUIs, 1cancelled IVF, 4 failed fresh IVFs
...this has to be a positive right? Isn't it my turn yet?
I've waited so patiently through 17.5 months of failed medicated cycles.
Before that, I endured 12 months of diagnostic testing between my Gynecologist, Reproductive Endocrinologist, AND a regular Endocrinologist.
Before that, I spent 20 months peeing on all sorts of sticks hoping for a miracle to avoid needing medical intervention.
After 49.5 months, Isn't it my god damn freaking turn?!?
::Sigh::
End rant.
No comments:
Post a Comment