May is Preeclampsia Awareness Month!!
I cant believe its May already.... when we signed up for the Promise Walk back in Jan/Feb I kept thinking to myself how far away May was. I'd think of all the bad things I'd have to get past in order to get to May.... milestones of my pregnancy, friends having babies that were alive, working through my boss' maternity leave, dreading the baby shower and birthday party invitations in the mail /Facebook.... I just thought, if I can get to May then everything will be ok.
Not necessarily true.
I find myself in an upward spiral when it comes to "Dealing" with this. Where as I first assumed that once we got past Jack's EDD things would be ok, I'm starting to think I was wrong. For the first time I caught myself thinking something a little "funny"? I guess. I saw a woman jogging down my block with a jogging stroller and the thought that went through my mind without realizing it was, "This is going to bother me so much more next month". How true... lately I've been mourning the loss of my pregnancy with Jack. After May 11th, I'm moving into the should have been "___ weeks, months, years" stage and its never going to end. I'm always going to "should have had a ___ " that day and no matter how many days, weeks, months, or years go by nothing will change the fact that Jack will always be a should have been.
We've been attempting to prepare ourselves for another FET and have encountered roadblocks when it comes to my hcg levels. My RE has labeled me as "quiescent trophoblastic disease" , which is a quiet or inactive version of the GTD that I was afraid I had. Supposedly this likely will resolve itself which I'm hopeful that it does, but it also means a big delay on a FET. Maybe its a sign that its too early to start trying again anyways.... the doctors never really gave me a definite answer of when we could try again but probably a few extra months couldn't hurt.
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