Jim and I had Chinese food for dinner tonight and that was my fortune. I wish it were a little more specific. I mean, everything??? Everything of what??? I already feel like everything is coming my way, I'd prefer it stay where its at!! Not to mention our loss, but our fridge/freezer broke in the garage and all the freezer food is ruined. Plus, Chesney may have an exploded anal gland and has to go to the vet tomorrow. Ugh, yes this sure feels like everything is coming my way already.
Tomorrow I'm going back to work....just half days tomorrow and Friady but I'm nervous. I'm nervous about having a bp spike, or a panic attack or just a bad day in general. I'm also nervous about my email inbox. When I came back from vacation after 6 days off my inbox had over 600 emails. Well....this will be my 10th day so lord only knows whats waiting for me when I get there. I almost need a full day to catch up but I'm not physically nor mentally prepared for full days yet. Monday at earliest will have to do.
Tomorrow after work we also have our first appointment with our grief counselor. I'm nervous about that as well. I have to relive my story for someone else. The only good thing is that its both Jim and I so if its too much for me we can switch off. I'm hoping this woman is good and she can help bring us some peace. When the clock struck midnight last night I couldn't help but cry. This was supposed to be the year....the year I don't have to worry about IF treatments, the year I have a child, the year our parents get their first grandchild. Instead we're talking about doing another fresh IVF sometime this summer, PGD on our embryos, genetic testing on us both, and trying this whole crazy thing again within the year....provided my health returns to normal of course.
Sometimes I just feel like my wheels are moving but I'm stuck and going nowhere.
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