My son...

I uttered those words out loud today for the first time. Unfortunately it was to ask for the pathology report for his death.

Telling the person on the other end of the phone that I was calling for my son's pathology report seemed strange on so many levels.

First of all, I was still only coming to terms with my infertility and the fact that I was having a baby and was having a son. Secondly, I'm in the process of coming to terms with the fact that he's arrived.

Having to tell someone anything about my son just seems like I'm making up a story.... I have to keep reminding myself, you have a son its the truth, but the truth is that he's gone.

On a positive note, I had a good day today. I'm going to call today "No Tear Tuesday" since I was able to go the whole day without spilling one tear. I even sang in the car on the way home from work like I used to sing to Jack. Maybe if I sing loud enough he can hear me where he's at.