Baseline and a little bit of faith

Last year when I had my baseline my e2 was <20 and my lining was at a 2mm... so I started the Estrace and went on my way only to have AF show anyways 8 days later on my birthday!!!  I had really thought that had set me back because I had spent time with the Estrace to build the lining and then it starts to shed, WTF?!?

Today's appointment my e2 was 21 and my lining was a 6.55, kinda crazy that its that thick. To think... my lining was only a 6.9 when I started the PIO to prep for transfer, technically I guess they can do my FET next week, LOL . Kidding kidding.

I have to also kinda wonder if my lining had something to do with the preeclampsia?? They say it can be caused by placental insufficiency so maybe my lining wasn't sufficient enough to support a growing pregnancy and caused the placenta to start failing? I don't know but I'd feel better this time around having a more decent lining so I guess I'm off to a good start. I'm starting my Estrace tonight at the daily 1mg dose. I'll do that for 5 days, then increase to 1mg twice a day for 4 days but I have a lining check next Saturday. I'm glad she's letting me come in on Saturday so I don't have to get up at the butt crack of dawn to get bloodwork and u/s. That really bites.

On a side note, my relationship with God has been strained even before Jack but much much moreso after losing him. Yet, for some reason I've found myself asking God for help with things lately and so far have had two unusual things happen. First, I secretly had prayed for AF to come before I started Estrace. I asked "God, please please just let me get AF like I'm supposed to so I can be on a normal schedule for this transfer. I just want things to go right this time" And there is was an hour after I had claimed and argued to the nurses that it wasn't coming, there it was, just as I'd prayed for.

Then today, I had gone to a freezer meal workshop in the afternoon. When I come home from work I don't feel like cooking so having an easy peasy meal to make that's healthy is a great idea. Well, I came home quite tired from being on my feet putting the meals together and so I was sitting on the couch relaxing when I realized it started pouring but the sun was out!!! Oh my goodness, maybe there's a rainbow.... I went out in the rain in our backyard to look. No rainbow. How could it be pouring with the sun out and still have no rainbow? I started to cry because how am I supposed to have a rainbow if a rainbow cant even come out in a sunshower? Then again I even said outloud, "God please send me a rainbow". Still no rainbow in sight.

I went back into the house and was pretty upset until.... I decided I didn't give this rainbow 100% since I only looked in the backyard. I put my shoes on and went out in the front yard instead. The second I got down the sidewalk to where I could see the sky, this is what my eyes landed on. Again my prayer was answered. I'm hopeful we can keep this thing going me and God since all I want is a healthy and happy baby to take home alive and well with me. Oh, please please please.