I love me some rain....

I'm not sure what it is, but I really love the idea of rain. I'm not a fan of actual rain....its wet and makes my flip flops squishy. The idea of it though I enjoy. Its symbolic. Chaos, cleansing, life, rebirth.... I've always thought Gary Allen's "Every Storm Runs Out of Rain" was a great IF theme song for me. There is a storm surrounding me but every storm runs out of rain right?

The morning of my beta I was hysterically upset when I got out of my car and realized it was raining. Symbolic to me to show that my storm had not run out of rain. Ironically , today I went for my WTF appointment and same thing happened. It wasn't raining when I parked in the garage but when I stepped out of the parking garage.....rain. I thought to myself, "This is a cruel joke. I'm not sure why I'm being constantly reminded". However, when I stepped outside after my WTF consult it wasn't raining and the sun was out. I'm taking that as a sign that this storm is coming to an end.

I'm thinking that when I finally do get pregnant, I want to decorate the nursery in sunshine and rainbows and one little storm cloud.

Here are my top 10 favorite songs about rain:
1) Every Storm Runs Out of Rain- Gary Allen
2) Songs about Rain (how appropriate, LOL) -- also by Gary Allen
3) Between the Raindrops- Lifehouse and Natasha Beddingfield
4) Rain is a Good Thing- Luke Bryan
5) She's My Kind of Rain- Tim McGraw
6) Bring on the Rain- JoDee Messina
7) November Rain- GNR
8) Here Comes the Rain Again- The Eurythmics
9) I Wish it Would Rain Down- Phil Collins
10) Kiss the Rain- Billie Meyers

Ok enough about my rain obsession. On to the WTF....Oh by the way, I've come to the conclusion that my RE looks like Dr. Oz so I've decided to refer to him going forward as such.


I only had 30 minutes to talk to Dr. Oz so I had a list of questions ready to ask him. When I first walked into his office he asked how I was doing. I can tell he genuinely is concerned....not that my previous RE wasn't but she wasn't exactly a warm fuzzy person. I told him I was doing better today than yesterday and sat down. Basically he said he was a glass half full person and saw this cycle as not my 4th failed cycle but rather the first failed cycle of the first protocol that actually was meant for me. Made sense! He also said that its possible the OHSS could have contributed to the failure to implant.

This evening I was looking at my patient portal and found something interesting. The day of retrieval my lining was slightly over 9mm and had a triple stripe. When I went in four days later due to my OHSS, the lining wasn't triple stripe anymore and had started to thin and was only an 8mm. Basically, maybe not due to the OHSS, but the lining was thinning which isn't going to help the implantation obviously.

Dr. Oz mentioned that there is merit to doing an FET because in a fresh cycle you are so focused on the quality of the eggs and how many you're producing that sometimes the lining can be an afterthought. In an FET, the only thing of importance is the lining. Having said that, the transfer only is done when the lining is perfect. Also made sense!! 

I did ask him about PGD, he doesn't think we need to be concerned with that at this point. PGD is complicated with frozen blasts, not impossible, just complicated. If the 7 blasts are used and pregnancy is not achieved we would consider doing PGD on the fresh blasts before they are frozen. Hopefully we don't get to that point where we're looking at yet another fresh cycle.

I'm starting up again technically tonight. I started up on my BCP and probably next week will start Lupron to overlap the BCP by a few days. I'll be on Lupron about 2 weeks and provided my u/s and bloodwork show I'm properly suppressed they will start me on Estrace to begin building the lining. When the lining is ready, I'll start the Endometrin again and 5 days later come in for my FET. This should be about 4-6 weeks in total depending on how quickly I'm suppressed and how quickly the lining builds.

While I was not pleased with a failed cycle, I'm at least a little more optimistic about this FET working. Also, I told Dr. Oz that I was concerned about the FET blasts not being as great as the two transferred blasts. My mind was put at ease, he explained that they were not necessarily "better quality" but just that they were quicker to grow. The 7 blasts that are frozen are all beautiful just grew at a normal rate rather than a faster rate.

Jim and I have decided to personify our frosties as well. We're calling them the 7 Dwarfs....we're going to transfer Happy and Bashful :)